To think the term "rudeness" is outdated

[EclecticShock]

Now that we live in a multicultural society with lots of different social rules. Do you think the term "rudeness" as in not aligning yourself with society values is outdated? I believe there needs to be more tolerance towards others and more emphasis on "getting along" rather than segregating.

Aibu?

Mn does sometimes feel like a parallel universe governed by rules and rules and yet more rules.

errrr what do you mean. You would not go up to someone and say oi you fat cow would you? Or when you meet someone you would be nice and polite, would you not, and if you did not like someone and were in company you would be civil

If someone had a disability, you would not stare, point and make derogatory comments?

eclectic yes but sometimes it doesn't seem to go both ways

that for me is being rude. Yes if you were going to cook for someone, you find out what they like or can eat

I don't believe that faith/religion belongs in a business environment (unless the entire country is very religious/the business itself is religious), especially if it has an impact on those you're trying to do business with.

I don't ask a persons religion prior to meeting so would be a bit bemused if I offered a hand shake and it was refused

I think it is really patronising to not expect people to conform to what is considered polite here.

I have lived in various other countries. There were things that were considered rude there that aren't here. When I lived in Saudi, for example, I never ate with my left hand as that is considered disgusting and rude. I learnt the rules and I stuck by them. Back in the UK, I obviously eat stuff with my left hand and don't think twice about it.

It's not that hard to learn the rules of the country you live in and I think most people understand that and are happy to abide by them. Particularly rules that have a good reason, like not spitting in the street because it is unhygienic and looks horrible.

If someone refused to shake your hand, they should explain that they do not because of their religon it works both ways

Piglet, you are talking about a common decency shared quite universally. With regards to the hand shaking thing. I had an interview at imperial uni and the guy wouldn't shake my hand, yes I found it off putting but for him to shake my hand would be more detrimental to him than the positive aspect to me. Hence the term tolerance.

Why is the concept of tolerance and benefit of doubt so hard to get across? Is that not part of most successful cultures and societies?

Lol you are very naive OP. Tolerance is very hard to do.

manners is cultural?
And yes manners is something deeply cultural.

Yellow, I'm not talking about spitting. I'm talking about things like bf in public or not usin the correct cutlery or siting next to someone in a restaurant because you like the table even though there are plenty free. The things that don't impact society on any great detrimental level but seem to piss people off all the same.

multicultural throws up issues at school - like children are often told by indigenous (sp) white population 'look at me when i'm speaking to you' when their cultural teaching says 'look down when you're being spoken to' (if they're in trouble). also 'its rude to wear a hat indoors' v 'why aren't you covering your head?'

do i have an answer. no.

Why is it hard lady? We extend tolerance to people with disabilities and people who are elderly, why not extend it to everyone, when it's no skin off your nose, in a practical sense?

EclecticShock, but that's the thing!
you think that bfing in public is no big thing that you should let people getting on with it if they wish.
Now try that in a muslim country. Would that be acceptable? no.

Now go back to the UK, bfing in public will be seen as extremely rude by some members of the society. What makes you think it is OK for them 'to be tolerant' and not to voice their disagreement?

Like lovebunny has highlighted. People are brought up differently and try as they might, they will always seemingly offend someone. So why don't we give benefit of doubt and stop taking so bloody personally.

Some things are easier to tolerate than others, regardless of a persons culture

I see your point lady, religion is a hard one. However, people on mn seem to be offended at anything they would personally do themselves. It's a spectrum. Religion is at the far end.

Real tolerance is very difficult to do OP.
Some people have written books about how to let go and learn to accept things 'as they are' (even if they are going against all the things that they think is OK to do).

And be honest, all the examples are about what you find easy to accept. Tell us a bit more about think you don't find easy to accept and would find very rude. re you happy to accept that too 'because you should be tolerant'?

Maybe that's the point. Why do people take things so personally when that's not the way it's intended?

I visit families in their homes. I work in a very diverse area

It is very interesting and I have learnt a lot. It can be tricky, particularly with newcomers, to avoid offending, but I think it can be done.

Food and drink are big issues. Some families think they have to feed me or they are failing to be polite. This isnt an issue in British culture as such and I cant possibly eat everything offered to me! Once I get to know a family and they relax its not such an issue. We chat about things and they understand in my culture it is not usual to always eat when going into a house.

I always take my shoes off. I didnt grow up in a shoes off house. Most of my families dont wear shoes in the house and its not a problem for me to take mine off.

Some families can be very direct about asking about my private life
That makes me laugh rather than offends me. I will be asked if I am married and how many children I have (telling them I have five usually delights them).

I could be seen as rude but its obviously not meant to be.

On the whole I find it fascinating and not at all one-sided. People are usually interested in my culture too.

BTW, I don't think that people are that tolerant re elderly people or disable people actually.
The british society is very strong at expecting it members to behave in a way that looks like they are being tolerant. but deep down, I am not sure it is the case.

than its polite for him to explain that he does not shake hands because he is of a particular religion. Rudeness also for me is not saying thank you when someone does something for you or gives you something that kind of thing really

I have, bf, not shaking my hand, quwstioning my parently style, asking me how much i earn, being repeatedly late... I have let's of things I find difficult to accept but that doesn't mean I should accept them. Who am I to tell people how to behave? Of course, doing things that affect society detrimentally like litter or drink driving are unacceptable.

How far will you go to be tolerant though? Will you compromise your own morals/ethics just so we can all appear to be getting along?

Dont depress me lady :(. I'm off to bed. I really hope tolerance towards disability and elderly is the social norm in the uk.