to fret about the amount of sexual partner's I have had..?

[LoveIsTooHard]

I have had twelve sexual experiences with men and two with women. I have been celibate for the past three and a half years because I was concerned about the number becoming 'too high'.

Do the old stereotypes about the number of sexual partners, still exist for men and women?

AIBU to worry that the fact I have had fourteen sexual partners and that number is 'too high'?

(I am 38 BTW)

good grief.

a colleague says she's had hundreds of men. some of them she didn't even know their names. she says she was lucky not to have caught anything nasty. i'd wonder what kind of person she was if i read that on the internet - she's a perfectly reasonable woman and not at all slaggy!

some people prefer not to have many partners. you're obviously one of them. but it isn't anyone else's business. you don't have to tell anyone.

you can't undo what's done. but you don't need to live your life alone because you think someone, somewhere, is keeping a tally.

Ruby- you had 52 by 15 years old! How did you find the time?

OP- if you've only orgasmed with women do you think you are a lesbian? Have you had a relationship with a woman?

My guess is that she can only relax enough to orgasm with women because it's "not proper sex" and therefore not "dirty" in the same way (her mum probably didn't go on about it!).

There are good sound social reasons why sleeping with a lot of partners used to be taboo - mainly, unwanted pregnancies and STIs - both of which can safely be avoided these days. Like there should rightly be a taboo against jumping off cliffs, unless you've properly fastened your hang glider!

If I hadn't had the sexual experiences I had, I would never had learned about sexual compatibility, and would probably still think that orgasming during intercourse was an urban legend...

I actually think 14 sexual partners at 38 are not too many... I never counted, but must have had 20 something or 30. Whoever judged me for it would not be a suitable partner for me anyway, so not worried.

The number doesn't matter, high or low. Objectively there is nothing wrong with having sex with lots of people (I'm talking hundreds, rather than 14). I do think for some people it indicates low self esteem. Drunken one night stands are unlikely to make OP happy IMO. Quality over quantity.

OP I'm glad you're having counselling, maybe it is time to build on that. I know you've had some advice on here which sounds worth investigating. I think avoiding sex for now is a good idea.

To my mind, no one is going to love you properly until you love yourself. I mean that both ways. I think emotionally you need to have confidence that you deserve and are worthy of an equal partner (even if it's only for a night). Physically, I think you need to explore your body and find out what you like. If you can't make yourself orgasm/feel good, then it's probably a big ask for someone else.

Spuddybean:

Haha love that post! Got to ask tho if he hadn't said that but asked you 1st would you still have said that or would there have been a different answer? x