to fret about the amount of sexual partner's I have had..?

[LoveIsTooHard]

I have had twelve sexual experiences with men and two with women. I have been celibate for the past three and a half years because I was concerned about the number becoming 'too high'.

Do the old stereotypes about the number of sexual partners, still exist for men and women?

AIBU to worry that the fact I have had fourteen sexual partners and that number is 'too high'?

(I am 38 BTW)

Omg, in my books you're practically a virgin!

I managed more than 3 times that number between the ages of 16 and 21. But I was a completely desperate slut.

The only thing I regret is the bad sex, of which sadly there was a bit.

But more good than bad.

So glad I enjoyed my body when I was young and gorgeous. Now I'm 48 and mingin I have no feelings of having missed out.

Yes, I understand how that may have come across to you Tei. I used men as an example I guess because ultimately I'd like to settle down with a man. Maybe the man might not beleieve me if I feel I have to lie, of hich I shouldn't have to, just going by previous experiences I have learned that I will not lie ever again. Take me as I am or not at all.

If women disaprove I don't have to be friends with them either.

Who are these people asking you? Just say no comment, and smile.
It's really not a problem within society unless you make it one.

I've been with my husband since 15 and apart from a few breaks in therapy stages, I've had nearly 4 times the amount of partners you've had.

Some men judge, so do women, but you ate under no obligation to tell anyone and you also don't need to be truthful.

• in the early stages. I wasn't in therapy to get shagging.

It was my ex Alurkatsoftplay. I still feel guilty because he didn't apprive. I've locked yself away really since it ended. Not had courage to speak to anybody. I feel SOOOO much better already.

Your ex DID have issues, love, most men don't. I hope you feel better, there is no need to carry this around with you.

I've had well over 14 partners and I'm 10 years younger. I find that only wankers prejudiced men and thoughtless women judge.

Why are telling these men? They'll never know what the number is - they'll just know that they aren't the first.

And just remember that you've had half the number Nick Clegg has had. 14 is negligable, really.

I've had 4 and I'm 28, I haven't lived have I?

OP, its no ones business apart from yours, if it bothers any man then he really isn't worth knowing

its nobody's business but yours, I would run a mile from any man who asked me because to me it says he has ishoooes and that he may be insecure and jealous

should have realised ex h was like this

My number is 1. I'm quite embarrassed about revealing that, tbh, especially to other women.

I am married to that 1, but still...

Love it is nobody elses business who you have slept with!!

I refuse to have that kind of conversation with any partner, and actually I haven't been asked how many I've slept with since I had fantastic counselling and binned my last ever abusive partner! No man worth his salt will ask you.

Erm, and I've slept with loads more than 14

Really, don't worry about it. If sex was so shameful and terrible, the human race would not have lasted long!

Sorry, posted too soon! I don't think people should feel embarrassed about their number, whether it is low or high. But we do, sadly.

I can't accurately recall how many men i have slept with - but its more than 30 and less than 40. I have not name changed for this. I am not embarrased about it, but i do regret it because it wasn't on my terms really, apart from, well, one - he is my DP of 20 years

Oh and 1 was DEFINITELY not the original plan!

I heard the average number of sexual partners a woman has before settling down is 13 in the Uk.

Sounds about right, given the number of people either side of that who either shag everything that moves or only have one partner.

I'm not sure, between 20 and 30 I think. Dps number is a lot higher than mine.

If a man is that bothered by it, he's not the right one. As long as your safe who cares

This is not what I tell ds1 17 this though.

I always thought that when asked, men doubled their number while women halved theirs!
OP you are absolutely normal (even if you have halved it or doubled it.... )

OP I think your 'shame' is the issue, not the number. Too many people in your life - your mum/your ex bf, have led you to believe that anything more than 1 is shameful. I honestly honestly believe you'd feel the same amount of misplaced shame if it was 5 or 50.

There is no right or wrong number. I have had more partners that my DH (and more than you FWIW), but every encounter happened for a reason. Sometimes because we were in a loving relationship, some because I was having a good night and it's the way it went and a couple because I was feeling low self esteem and thought it would make me feel better. All have shaped me into the person I am today and if I were you, the only thing I would be worrying about was the poor quality of sex you have experienced.

So please be kind to yourself, sleep with who you want as long as it's for the right reasons and nobody is getting hurt and hopefully you will meet someone who makes you feel amazing. You'll soon stop counting

Just noticed we're the same age. So I am 38, have been with my husband 23 years and have had 52 partners. 51 men and 1 woman.

If I had your years of singledom I probably would have broken my fanny with all the shagging.

I'm not embarrassed about this. My husband knows the number, he doesn't judge me at all, and no decent man should or would. I think its more of a personal issue, but if you read up about the average sexual habits of those in the UK I think you might realise that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't spend time feeling upset about something that you can't change, don't have to share and realistically doesn't actually affect you (you're not in physical pain or scarred from it), try and enjoy yourself and if it really bothers you maybe you could find someone like a counsellor to talk about it because perhaps its linked to other issues if it is that deep-seated.

I have had 1 sexual partner and hit the jackpot straight away, sex is not a dirty secret anymore and regardless of how many partner you have had you could treble that number and IMO does not make you a slag or a slut.

I wish women would stop calling each other sluts and slags just because they have consented sex more than 1 partner.

I have made some really dumb stupid mistakes with men to try to piss my Father off. Those decisions have taken away a lot of my opportunities in life. I feel physically sick at when I look back at my wasted years. I want to shed them like an old rancid skin. Having a Father who didn't love or notice me has tainted my whole life. How I slip this skin and manage it and when i do not know, 18 months of therapy and counting...

You'll get there Loveistoohard - stop beating yourself up for your fathers failings. You are a lovely person, you are a lovable person and you will find happiness. Sleep with men IF YOU WANT TO, form relationships and enjoy your life.

You can still count them on your fingers and one foot(!)
That's not high.

Shag all you want to, just don't tell anyone how many.

I feel my character is ruined! I feel men can sense it and might see me as soething to use and toss aside. :(