My ex husbands GF has cut my sons hair!!

[SOULofLOVE]

I need some opinions on this please!
My ex brought back my sons this morning and my oldest had had all his lovely locks shaved off!! I was close to tears. And then to add insult to injury, the cut was done by his girlfriend.
I feel violated. I know that sounds a strong word but i do. We dont have the best of relationships as it is (he left with no warning when I was pregnant with 2nd son which we had planned, moved in round the corner with the woman he was having affair with, denied pregnancy, didnt see new baby for the first 6 months of his life, and now that the my son is 17 months he is taking me to court for 50 50 custody. He already gets 40% over 2 weeks). So its a very very caustic situation right now. Right in the middle of heated horrible expensive court battles.
This feels like a final straw to me. She knew exactly what she was doing.
What do I do? If i roll over and do nothing it just perpetuates this feeling of my impotance and low self esteem. If I get angry and (do what? i dont know) then all that that achieves is further animosity and negative feelings all round. I feel trapped. and my thoughts escalate out of control and I start thinking I will always live in this ground hog day of spending all my energies fending off these awful situations.
I hope someone has some answers.

There is nothing you can do now

Be grateful your dc can have free haircuts?

If he sanctioned it, then there isnt much you can do really. It isnt very considerate towards you though.

The only advice I can give is to make a voodoo doll and stick sharpe pins into it's eyes.

I would be angry too.

How old is ds?

It's a hard one but as his father you can't really stop him getting his sons hair cut

I have no idea what you can do but wont be so insensitive as to suggesting being grateful for the freebie. wtf? (sorry perhaps that was a joke and i just missed it)

Oh lovey, it all sounds very stressful. What a complete bitch to do that. I don't know what you can do though. I mean, you can't go to the solicitor and say his Dad got his hair cut can you :( I can totally see why you feel the way you do and I'd feel the same.

"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." Tell them how much you LOVE the haircut and how cute DC looks. Thank them. Smile and nod.

That'll piss them off.

I'd absolutely flip.

I'm angry just thinking about it.

No rhyme or reasoning, but he should have discussed it with you first, as I am sure you would have done with him if you planned such a drastic change in hair cut. Or any other big change.

The bitch. Sorry.

My sympathies - you must be steaming. Yes, I think they are pulling your leash. I think the best thing is not to rise to the bait, though I appreciate how tough that must be.

Best of luck with the custody battle.

Did your son want his hair cut off?

Unwanted hair cuts are assault.

Even worse if she's SHAVED it. Why did she do it?

supervised access only. dad is not trustworthy. dad's girlfriend overstepped the mark.
second lost locks thread this weekend. pattern forming. mad hairdressers all over the country.

:(

So sorry you are going through all of this. I guess your DH gave his permission. I think he should have discussed it with you first. But I am not an expert as my DS Father is not in his life.

As for what to do next I would make it clear that you are unahppy about the haircut and that in future these things needs to be discussed. I guess you accept that sometimes decisions have to be made and cannot always be discussed, make that clear too so he cannot accuse you of overreating. Must be very difficult. All the best.

Would you have consulted your ex dp before getting ds's hair cut?

Thank her for her kindness and insist on giving her a free haircut and eyebrow reshape in return.

"supervised access only" seriously as a result of a father getting his sons hair cut? Slight over reaction!

Assault? Supervised access?

Good luck navigating the legal system with those two little gems! The child's father gave the child a haircut..... Do we all consult our own ex's before doing the same? I know I don't...

Id go mad. My ex MIL got my DDs haircut once wen me n her dad wer still together & i got pissed off at it. Your ex should hav consulted you.

No advice but MrsTerryPratchett probably has it right.

You are right to be pissed off though. I still text DSDs mum if she wants a haircut when she is with us to check it is alright and she is 15. YADNBU.

But he hasn't had a haircut.

He's had his head shaved.

It's a big difference!

he is taking me to court for 50 50 custody. He already gets 40% over 2 weeks). So its a very very caustic situation right now. Right in the middle of heated horrible expensive court battles.

Taking a step back here. Is an extra 10% time worth expensive court battles?

I'm assuming he has parental responsibility? A hair cut is a hair cut. Whether it be done by a barber or done at home with clippers. I can see why you are upset - but I think you need to take a step back and sweat the big stuff, not the little things.

You are projecting your feeling about a whole mish mash of circumstances, including her being the OW, onto a hair cut. It will grow back. I know that is a trite saying but it's true.

What MrsTerryPratchett said.

Massive sympathy to you. Just wanted to point out that voodoo dolls don't work. At least mine didn't

He's had his head shaved

Shaved? or close clippered? do you mean she has wet shaved his head?

Would you ask his father before you cut his hair? And how old is he?