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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My ex husbands GF has cut my sons hair!!

85 replies

SOULofLOVE · 15/07/2012 22:54

I need some opinions on this please!
My ex brought back my sons this morning and my oldest had had all his lovely locks shaved off!! I was close to tears. And then to add insult to injury, the cut was done by his girlfriend.
I feel violated. I know that sounds a strong word but i do. We dont have the best of relationships as it is (he left with no warning when I was pregnant with 2nd son which we had planned, moved in round the corner with the woman he was having affair with, denied pregnancy, didnt see new baby for the first 6 months of his life, and now that the my son is 17 months he is taking me to court for 50 50 custody. He already gets 40% over 2 weeks). So its a very very caustic situation right now. Right in the middle of heated horrible expensive court battles.
This feels like a final straw to me. She knew exactly what she was doing.
What do I do? If i roll over and do nothing it just perpetuates this feeling of my impotance and low self esteem. If I get angry and (do what? i dont know) then all that that achieves is further animosity and negative feelings all round. I feel trapped. and my thoughts escalate out of control and I start thinking I will always live in this ground hog day of spending all my energies fending off these awful situations.
I hope someone has some answers. Sad

OP posts:
kim147 · 15/07/2012 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaliforniaLeaving · 15/07/2012 23:10

They did it to bait you, they want you to flip out and go ape shit crazy about it, then they can have some evidence that you are a nut and they can get more access due your "over reaction" to an assault Haircut don't play into their hands, take pictures of what they did, date them, keep a diary of when they get the child and what happens.
If he was shaved, did they cut his little head, that seems a bit severe, was it a buzz cut.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2012 23:11

The OP says their son is 17 months.

LoveBunny, you do love a good over reaction don't you?

I'd love to know how many strings of pearls you get through in a week with all that clutching Grin

Yika · 15/07/2012 23:12

babblebitch - spot on!

I would be absolutely furious. I totally sympathise. But you're going to have to pick your battles and probably just swallow this for now at least until major issues like custody are cleared up.

midori1999 · 15/07/2012 23:12

I can understand how upset you must be. My then 2 1/2 year old son came back from his Father's with his head shaved in a grade 1, it had previously been a longish short hairstyle, if that makes sense? I was mortified and he knew I would be. I suspect he'd done it because he thought our son was a toy to be played with, although he claimed he'd had nits. Bollocks did he...

I would just let it go though, pretend you like it and if they have done it to get at you, it will really annoy them. Much more than if you show them you're annoyed.

It will soon grow back.

paradisechick · 15/07/2012 23:13

It's hair.

Why the emotional over reactions?

KatherineKavanagh · 15/07/2012 23:13

Grin worra!

KatherineKavanagh · 15/07/2012 23:16

Op has another thread where she claims it's a special mum thing!

squeakytoy · 15/07/2012 23:16

"Did your son want his hair cut off? Unwanted hair cuts are assault."

in what world? there are plenty of kids who dont want their haircut but get it "forced" on them.. it really is not assault!

olgaga · 15/07/2012 23:21

Oh look come on, this is a horrible thing to have done.

However, OP, there is nothing you can do about it. Feel very sad for you. His hair will grow, and so will your DS. Soon he can tell GF to sod off with her clippers!

Big hug and try not to let it get you down.

ValentineBombshell · 15/07/2012 23:23

I'd be furious and in many, many ways he would pay. However, in all official communication, it's important to look reasonable and him a bit of a twat.

Remind him: Parenting decisions should not be taken unilaterally, especially when pertaining to ds' person. If you want to be shown consideration and consulted on decisions regarding our son, as reasonable co-parents who want the best for their children, then please remember that in future.

JumpingThroughHoops · 15/07/2012 23:25

my oldest had had all his lovely locks shaved off!!

Looking at other threads, the Ops oldest is school age (she has been buying uniform) not 17 months

theincredibequeenofwands · 15/07/2012 23:27

In our world!

Honestly, I googled. Grin

Cutting someone's hair against their will is assault.

Do kids really get 'forced' to have their hair cut? My son has always refused, I'd never 'force' it. Is his hair.

Seriously though, it's the kind of thing my ex would've done to spite me (we don't see him anymore) and I can imagine how the OP is feeling.

And again, it's not a hair cut, he's been shaved. Poor boy.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 15/07/2012 23:28

KK - is there any particular reason you are bringing another thread into this one? Has this OP done something to annoy you? The way you are acting on this thread certainly makes it seem that way. Really not nice.

ValentineBombshell · 15/07/2012 23:29

Er, but just check, if your ds is school age, make sure he didn't ask for his hair to be cut (I assumed it was the 17m old)

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2012 23:29

Oh right of course it's the eldest

No idea then Lol

Serendipity30 · 15/07/2012 23:29

Wow she's a bitch, how dare she

Tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 15/07/2012 23:31

Oh no I feel for you. My DS has longish hair for a boy and I love it. My mum took him to the hairdresseers 18 months ago for a trim and the old dear in there practically scalped him I was so upset.
Very rude of her to get your son's haircut, she has no business doing it.
I feel for you I was in a siimilar predicamant with my ex, thankfully he doesnt see DS anymore.
I hope you can sort something in court. Hopefully the fact he didn't see DS for 6 months will go in your favour. 50% is a long time.

KatherineKavanagh · 15/07/2012 23:31

chipping yes, because op has two identical threads running.... Not that I have to explain myself

Another poster has done a posting history search...off you go and slap her wrists too

A 'mummy thing' indeed!

TheDetective · 15/07/2012 23:31

KatherineKavanagh. You sound lovely.

lovebunny · 15/07/2012 23:32

cutting someone's hair is a serious thing. that's why it was a punishment for women who were thought to have behaved inappropriately - still is, in some places.

JumpingThroughHoops · 15/07/2012 23:38

I still think the OP needs to step away and pick her battles.

I know that is far easier said then done BUT it's not as if the EXP did something irreversible like, get his ears pierced. It's hair. It will grow back.

50% may seem a lot of time, but it's not much more than the 40% that is already on the table. Parenting is a two way thing. The OW has a baby too (or at least I think she does from the OP), same as the OP, DS1 has a right to spend equitable time with both his siblings. Well even if I havent read the Op correctly then the child has the right to spend equitable time with both parents.

As much as you may hate/loathe/despise an EX you have to suck a lot up and present a united and amicable front for a childs sake. If you don;t you risk fucking with a childs head completely.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2012 23:39

Whoops, there goes another string of pearls....

JumpingThroughHoops · 15/07/2012 23:40

cutting someone's hair is a serious thing. that's why it was a punishment for women who were thought to have behaved inappropriately - still is, in some places.

Oh for the love of God Hmm aligning a childs hair cut to punishment for adulterous women is beyond the pale, even for MN

KatherineKavanagh · 15/07/2012 23:42

There's a lot of it about tonight.