We need a 2nd car. AIBU to want a “fun car?”

[FireBlade918]

Hi,

I'm dropping down to 4 day working week to look after my daughter on Fridays. Wife is building up to a 4 day working week so DD will have a 3 day nursery week. Up to now I've been using my motorbike to commute to work (while Wife on maternity) but Wife will now have car on Fridays so we need a second car otherwise DD & I will be confined to the village on Fridays. The car will just be used for Friday adventures with DD, we already have have a sensible car for sensible chores.

So am I being unreasonable to want a fun car - aka ?Daddies magic flying carpet ? ???

In terms of cash we have more than enough savings that DW enjoys controlling. The savings have been earn't jointly i.e. 50/50. We moved house a year ago, spent lots, still have lots of work/expenditure ahead but all in budget. Its not a question of funding. Sensible / Boring the car will still cost the same.

Basically, if we elect to buy a sensible (boring) 5 door front wheel drive car then Wife is happy to use our savings i.e. the money is ?allowed? to come out of ?our savings?. If I want a 2 door rear wheel drive rag top (fun car) then I have to sell ?my toys? to fund it.

AIBU or is she being manipulative?

Kind regards,
Mr Fire Blade

Well yes, this only works if your contributions to the pot are fair.

It's a bit shit if one of you ends up with £300 a month to play with and the other, thruppence.

Oh dear. What a backwards step. You can't agree on what to spend money on so you split everything instead of carrying on talking till you've agreed.

What happens if one of you earns less than the other? Does the higher earning person just get to have more fun?

What happens if she wants to spend "her" money on a lovely family holiday... but you don't have enough in "your" pot to go?

WELL SAID FB. ENJOY YOUR CAR!

Still seems unfair on your wife. What's the betting she will end up spending her savings on the house and things for you all and you will continue to spend yours on crap for yourself

You work it out so that each has the same amount of spends and contributes a sum proportionate to individual income into the pot.

It hurts my head to work it out, but it CAN be done. House stuff and hols come from the house kitty. If you want something the other couldn't give a fig about (a breadmaker, a spunkier mower even though the one you have is perfectly OK) then you buy it yourself.

Hi VicarInaTutu, not quite....

In the old days (2001-2007) i always used to earn a tad (couple of k) more than her. Pay went to separate bank a/c's. We split all bills 50/50. All was good & fair. Very independent. So much so that when I lost my job a couple of months after moving into new house (2003) I insisted on paying her back all monies owed.

When we went to France (2007-2009) she earned nothing for the 1st year and lived off of me. She went to uni for 1 year, worked for 6 months and then lived on French state benefits for 6 months having been made redundant. Not sure what she earned but wasn't that much. In France benefits are equal to normal pay for 6 months then decreases over time. While out there for two years my company paid me approximately £30k pa + rent + car + bills + international travel. We still have another NZ trip in the bank. The mortgage on our old house was paid by the tenants that rented it. All we had to pay was food and fun. Happy days.

When we came back to the UK she got a new job and ironically earns 5k more than me. At which point, and very precisely, we switched from a "team money system" to "her controlling all money & me living on pocket money".

About a year later her mum became ill. RVF400 took time off to look after her mum but due to stress forgot to take the pill for SIX WEEKS RUNNING AND CURIOUSLY FELL PREGNANT, at which point my pocket money got slashed again and we went into moving house mode and the rest is history...

I love my daughter more than anything or anyone on the planet but I can not help feeling bitter about not being consulted in the decision making process.

Anyway, I feel better making a clean financial break.

Regards,
FB
PS. The next time i'm offered work abroad, she'll have to earn her keep from day 1 or stay at home and look after the cats while DD and I go skiing!

God, just get a divorce.

Clearly, there is only one thing for.

I take your commuter bike for mg commute to work. I take the RVF400 for weekend fun (do you really have one? They are like golddust )

I will kindly and generously allow you to keep your DD to share. Problem solved

No need to thank me, happy to help

Sorry to join the discussion so late in the day, but really a two seater? They imo scream sad Twat with small penis midlife crisis. (Sorry) you can still get a fun car, with the added extras (including two extra seats!) What about an older EVO IV? A Focus ST?

You dound very resentful op - i second the divorce suggestion

RVF, leave the bastard. If I heard my husband talking about me like that, he'd be either grovelling like crazy or out on his ear in very short order.

RVF - you would be so much better off without him, both emotionally (he sounds like a Dick) and financially as you'll no longer have to prop him up while he posses his money away.

Hasn't the wife got shiut she can sell? designer clothes, jewellery etc? Family heirlooms. always the man bashing on here

If she wants a divorce then she is welcome to it but...

a. The only reason I wouldn't want one is for DD sake. Otherwise she could just go f/herself.

b. Its not going to happen over a vague 15 year period like her parents, it will be unemotional, decisive and definitive.

FB

Divorce is always emotional!

I smell a rat folks lol

Fucking hell

You could have opened a popcorn stall before starting this thread

That would have made you a fortune....

If this is real (which I increasingly doubt), you sound like an absolute dick, FireBlade. I can't imagine that your DD is getting a lot out of living with you both as you appear to heartily dislike one another, and it sounds much more sensible that you split. If I were married to someone who was happy to tell me to go fuck myself in the way that you just did I would be delighted to divorce you, decisively and definitively. I think my overriding emotion would probably be relief.

oh. forget i asked. does your wife know you feel this way? guess she does now, when she reads this.

word of advice to RVF.....i think you could probably do better than a resentful man child who wants to split each penny down to the exact date of who earned it.

i earn more than my DH.....but our money is "our" money....just a pot of money we dole out to who ever wants what when we can afford it.

doesnt sound like much of a partnership to me.

We do not know how the wife has treated him. in this fantasy relationship

Jeez....if my DH talked about me like that he'd be out on his ear... scours threads for evidence of MrScarlet calling me unreasonable

Oh pants, I keep forgetting the stars do that....I should have done [ ] instead

oh my goodness. Seriously?

VicarInaTutu,

I emailed her to inform her of this thread. She didn't just spot it.

a. This is the only way I can communicate with her. Been trying to talk for weeks. She's in bed when I go to work before 7am, in bed before 8.30pm and on Mums net during the day. This is the most we have talked in weeks.

b. You missed the point totally. I really really really don't give 2 hoots about money, but its our money when I earn t it, but her money when she earn t it.

That sucks and is not fair. Now that I'm earning LESS THAN HER I've suggested that we go back to independent money.

If your wife is sleeping from before 8.30pm until past 7am, I think it is more than likely that she is a bit depressed (unless she has health issues that you haven't mentioned). I can't say that seems an unreasonable response to the situation. When you say you've been trying to talk to her, do you mean about the stupid car issue (which, you know, could be sorted out in a flash by the two of you compromising a bit) or actually trying to actually talk to her as an actual person? Maybe she just doesn't want to discuss you spending money on something else you don't really need?

In any case, you might as well buy some kind of car because it sounds like you might need one for yourself soon (when you've split up and need to travel to pick up your daughter for access).

And are you both right now in the same house? Because I think if I were RVF, I'd come downstairs and suggest you pack a bag so you could both have a bit of time apart.

oh dear fireblade - im afraid its not me missing the point at all.....you live with someone, you have a child with someone, and the only way you can communicate is over mumsnet????

i dont think thats me thats missing the point honey.