to think it's inappropriate for a 2yr10mth old to ride a lift on his own?

[SherryNutkin]

We live in a nice, portered block of flats in central London. There are 3 floors and a basement which leads to the underground carpark. We live on the first floor. I found out yesterday that Dad has been letting our son ride the lift on his own, although Dad waits at the lift doors on our level. I voiced my concern as I think it's unsafe: whilst it might well be fine, he is out of sight and there are risks that can't be ignored, like him getting into the carpark if someone leaves the door open, a resident or visitor being inappropriate or even harming him, or the lift breaking down. Dad says it's important for his development, his independence, but I think it's a step too far, an unnecessary risk and irresponsible. I also think it could lead to my son making bad choices, as he now feels it's ok to go off without Mum or Dad.

That's insane. At 2y 10m why does he want him to be independent? YANBU, he is.

Having raised kids for many years in an apartment building with an elevator, I think it entirely depends on your child, and if they are generally sensible.
I allowed my kids to go up and down by themselves, it made them feel grown up and responsible.
I have also seen 8 and 9 year old wanting to push every button, jumping up and down and other twatish behaviour. I think it is less the actual age, and more about how reasonable they are.
It is really important to grant trust where we can, it helps kids grow to be independent and trust worthy.

Wow! I would be furious, he's not even 3 years old! What was he (your dad) thinking?

Dad has been letting our son ride the lift on his own, although Dad waits at the lift doors on our level.

I don't understand - who puts your son into the lift at the ground/basement level? Is there someone (eg trusted porter) who puts your son into the lift and presses the right button? If so, YABU as that seems pretty safe to me (though not exactly independent for your son). If not then YANBU as that means your son is presumably wandering around by himself at ground level...!

Yanbu!

I would be going mental!

This is ludicrous. It's highly unlikely but what if someone else opened the lift at a different floor and took DS or DS just strolled out onto a different floor? Independence at this age should be DS rides in the lift standing next to you, without holding your hand, not that he rides the lift by himself.

i wouldnt be happy about it and i would make certain it didnt happen again.

It is insane. If he got stuck, I could imagine SS being called by the emergency services. Your dad has the right ideas, but he is massively rushing the whol "independence" thing. A child this age can't exercise any kind of reasonable judgment. Nor can he protect himself in any way from harm

Do you mean YOUR dad or DS's dad?

I think YANBU it sounds really stupid and dangerous, but how exactly has it been working? Is he waiting for the lift alone while dad runs up to wait for him? That kind of independence is too much for a child of not even 3 what is he thinking?!

I wonder if your dad is mixing up "independence" with "he likes it and I want to make him happy"

Misguided.

It's highly unlikely but what if someone else opened the lift at a different floor and took DS or DS just strolled out onto a different floor?

Good point Fire - I take back what I said about it being safe.

Sounds completely ridiculous to me tbh.

Plenty of time to become independent!

Sorry but your dad sounds a prat. What a bloody ridiculous thing to do!

It's my DP not my Dad. DP stands by the lift and my son goes in alone and chooses where he wants to go - alone. Sometimes DP manages to ascertain where he's going to and runs up the stairs but DP needs to go down a corridor, through some doors and up to the right level - the stairwell is not right by the lift.

your DP is an eejit.

Well your DP is an wally. Sorry. He's endangering him, and encouraging him to press buttons which should not be pressed

an wally (??)

I can't believe anyone would think this was ok . What if the lift broke down between floors he'd be terrified on his own surely I would be and I'm 40! ( hate lifts )

Gosh. I'm astonished that it's your partner, not you father, who does this.

It's the sort of thing I can imagine an old-fashioned grandparent doing (and I am one, so I get to judge!) - I thought maybe he was trying to replicate the 50s, when he lived in a village with two cars and no strangers.

Why on earth would he do this? My one fear - putting aside the more obvious, headline-grabbing horrific ones - would be that the lift would break down. You poor wee boy, not even 3 years old, in there alone??

Why is he so concerned about independence anyway? There's plenty of time for that in the (far-off) future.

No he's being daft. If they want independence at this age you let them press the buttons, but you go with them.

Utterly bloody insane

WTF?

Why? Just why???

Interestingly enough, my 3 kids are very independent and have never been allowed to play about in friggin lifts.

If anything, it must annoy the hell out of the other residents too.

Madness, Ds is 2.8 and loves lifts - only when I am with him though.

What's to stop him getting out to find daddy and ending up at the stairs and toppling down?

WTF?? I wouldn't even let my 8 year old dd out of my sight.