to think it's inappropriate for a 2yr10mth old to ride a lift on his own?

[SherryNutkin]

We live in a nice, portered block of flats in central London. There are 3 floors and a basement which leads to the underground carpark. We live on the first floor. I found out yesterday that Dad has been letting our son ride the lift on his own, although Dad waits at the lift doors on our level. I voiced my concern as I think it's unsafe: whilst it might well be fine, he is out of sight and there are risks that can't be ignored, like him getting into the carpark if someone leaves the door open, a resident or visitor being inappropriate or even harming him, or the lift breaking down. Dad says it's important for his development, his independence, but I think it's a step too far, an unnecessary risk and irresponsible. I also think it could lead to my son making bad choices, as he now feels it's ok to go off without Mum or Dad.

please don't make other parents feel bad because they are more protective than you. Everything is relative.
please

"Look at what happened to Sarah Payne"

I can understand that, but it is very rare, which is why it made the headlines and still remains in peoples minds.

Far more teenagers sadly are abducted and killed, but you cant keep a child indoors forever.

For every child that is tragically murdered there are hundreds of thousands, if not a million or more, who are not.

Your child is more likely to make an error of judgement on the roads, or near water, which is why road safety awareness, and the ability to swim are vital life skills which should (imo) be taught at the earliest opportunity.

Mental. I... I... Just speechless. There's so many things that could go wrong with this scenario that I wouldn't know where to start!

I wouldn't let my 9 year old alone in a lift. I have let my 9 and 11 year old go together in a lift

I do allow her to be alone for short periods but not to the shop as she would have to walk to town for that. She could cross a main road by herself certainly.

I think a lift is entirely different - there are so many things that could go wrong and you never know who else is going to get in and you'll be 'trapped'

yes 7th, that's the approach my parents took with me, but I don't think you can possibly take the same approach 20-30 years later?!!

Everyone and every situation is different, same rules don't apply

useless - this is a parenting site. It's inevitable that parenting decisions are questioned if you talk about the way you parent.

It's doing children a huge disservice not to allow them to make some decisions on their own because it is (as the OP's DH thinks) critical to their development.

perception - Im with you, I've only just started letting my 7 year old dd go to a different aisle of the shop from me, and that's only when its the next aisle over

I think I watch far too many crime dramas.

pereption - I wouldn't berate you, even though I have done it differently. I think if she was still not out of your sight when she's 11 I might think this was a problem

DS1 was exactly this age when we were on holiday. He ran ahead into the lift, someone on another floor called it and he disappeared. We had no idea whether he'd gone up or down or where he was. It was very frightening.

I few days later, he got his fingers caught in the doors as they opened.

Lifts need proper supervision !

There was someone the other week who said they don't let their 11yr old go to the shops alone.

In the same breath, she then went on to say that the child would be walking to and from senior school in September.

It's madness....as though when September comes the poor kid will flick some sort of switch and suddenly become street and road aware despite having had no freedom whatsoever.

useless - why not now - nothing much has changed - children are still far more at risk from people who know and purport to love them, sadly

Yanbu dh is fucking insane. Dd nearly list her fingers in one in front of me. Luckily I was able top her then out from under the door

lock your fucking dad up and never never leave him in charge of your child.

your boy should not be in the lift on his own - not for years yet.

I agree that is something I wouldn't do, although I would sometimes end up having "left" a tantrumming toddler in the lift while trying to get her twin sister out - the lift doors would always shut really quickly and the lift would take her up a floor or two, seeing me running frantically between the underground car park and our flat trying to find her. BUT this was in a 2 storey apartment block in rural Switzerland - the risks felt large enough even in that scenario.

Having read this thread, I do worry about what IMO seem like crazy levels of protectiveness. Agree completely with Seventh - in Switzerland all children walk to school unaccompanied by an adult from the age of 5. It's the norm, they are all issued with reflective waistcoats and taught road awareness. I honestly cannot comprehend not letting an eight year old out of my sight. Do you really think the world has deteriorated that much in the past 20-30 years?

Back to the OP though, this must be a common theme amongst so many couples - a difference in assessment of risk regarding our children's safety. It's certainly something DH and I have rowed about before - a classic one being that he thought our 18mo girls should be allowed to walk in front of swings, even if they are going to be hit by a child in one, because they needed to "learn the lesson". Even thinking back on that now, I feel sick at the realisation that this other person, who loves our girls so so much, can (IMO) be SO wrong about something regarding safety.

for lots of reasons Jamie
Mainly that there are about 30million more cars on the road

Dowagers- yes this is a parenting site, and opinions will differ, but I'm not sure suggesting someone might need counselling for being a bit more protective that others is really helpful

My DS asked to go downstairs by himself in the lift in Asda Living a few days after he turned 6 and I let him. Don't think I would have let him at 2.

True about cars.

It's far too risky - for far too many reasons - to allow a two year old to use a lift as some sort of play area.

I was not at all over-protective - at 8 my dcs could walk the very safe route to school unaccompanied by an adult. But at only two years old, while they were exceedingly keen to explore the world, this desire was accompanied with absolutely no sense of danger or very sophisticated communication skills. Given the chance to ride a lift alone they could quite easily have ended up anywhere in London. But almost certainly not unharmed in some way.

How would your DP forgive himself if his wish to give your DS independence resulted in something awful happening?

I agree with you there, useless!

What would happen if your DP fell whilst trying to get to the lift?

What he has taught him is that it is ok to go alone in a lift, so come Christmas shopping he would happily make a run for it. The lifts outside of the UK can still kill, or main, through lack of safety.

He has given him a false sense of security, because you cannot always ensure that you will find him safely.

There is nothing wrong with teaching a child that is it dangerous to wander off by themselves, this isn't stifiling development.

Some children have a scary unawareness of what can go wrong, taught by their parents.

Ds2 would if I let him. He's a similar age to the op, and consequently has no sense of danger. Which is precisely why I wouldn't let him. and why I think your dp is an arse

Ds1 is 8 and wouldn't want to.

I persuaded Sherry to post this thread. I'm very, very glad that the sensible majority have been supportive and agree. Particularly as it's her first ever thread. Thank you for being gentle in AIBU.

Shezza... phone me
xxx