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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more than 4 parents out of 20 to say "thank you"...

109 replies

GarryBaldy · 10/07/2012 20:43

... after I've taken their DCs away for the weekend in a voluntary capacity?

I'm a Brownie leader, and have spend the weekend at a somewhat muddy camp. On returning the children to their parents the majority swept them away without a word of thanks.... oh, apart from the 1 parent who complained that we were late back...

Well, am I?

OP posts:
Yama · 10/07/2012 20:45

YANBU

Of course they should have thanked you.

50ShadesOfGreggs · 10/07/2012 20:46

YANBU, a lot of people just take things for granted

ilovesooty · 10/07/2012 20:47

The children and the parents should have thanked you: basic manners.

BoattoBolivia · 10/07/2012 20:49

Not being unreasonable to hope, but ime, you won't get many ( I am a teacher with many years expeience of unthwnked residentials)

YouOldSlag · 10/07/2012 20:50

YANBU. It's basic manners. You have given them a break all weekend and returned their children safely. A BIG thank you is in order!

loopyluna · 10/07/2012 20:52

Some were probably so relieved to get their DC back safe and sound, they totally forgot their manners and just whisked them off.

Some maybe hadn't been keen on the trip in the first place, had sent the reluctantly so their DC didn't feel left out, so didn't think of thanking.

Some just didn't think it necessary as they (I imagine), hadn't actually asked you to take their kids away and didn't expect you to expect a thank you.

You may find that a lot of them come over to thank you next time they see you once they've had time to chat to their DC and have heard what a fab time they've had.

Personally I think they are BU not to thank but you are a little U to expect it.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 10/07/2012 20:57

They should have thanked you, obviously, but surely you do this for the children, not the parents. The thanks should come from the children.

I would have thought that for many parents it's not that they are ungrateful, it's that they haven't seen their dc for a weekend and they are anxious to know that they are ok and had a good time. Sending children away on these camps can be quite nerve wracking and worrying, so many parents first thought will not be to thank you, it will be to see their children and hear what they have to say. That doesn't mean they are rude people generally.

AbigailS · 10/07/2012 20:57

Totally normal, unfortunately. I never get "thank you"s for running after school clubs, just moans about why it has to be on a certain day of the week, why it is only an hour or why aren't I running more clubs each week. If it wasn't for the children enjoying them, I really wouldn't bother.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 20:58

it wouldn't have occurred to me to thank you. sorry! i know better now, of course. but i wouldn't have thought of it.

you took the children away because you wanted to, and if i'd had suitably-aged children, i'd have been doing a big thing in allowing them to go (i would have had to spend the whole time they were away in terror and praying for their safety)...getting them back would be a moment for praising God that they came back and checking no bits were missing... i don't think i ever thanked the teacher who took mine on a trip to rome as a teenager...i was far more concerned to check that he hadn't over-stepped any boundaries...no, wouldn't have crossed my mind.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 21:00

mine's out tonight, by the way, and i'm fretting. and she's a married woman. her husband is home with the baby. she's out with work colleagues. she should be fine. i'm still fretting.

Original poster
GarryBaldy · 10/07/2012 21:12

Ha ha lovebunny - I'm sure she'll be fine!

You are all right, I do if for the kids, and I get a kick out of seeing them have a great time - but I do think the parents need to nudge their children to say thanks; it's good manners and helps them to appreciate the opportunities they have a little more. When my own children go away, either with school or scouts / guides I make a point of thanking the adults, but maybe that's because I understand the huge responsibility that they carry looking after other people's DCs. Just magnify lovebunny's gut-wrenching fear that something will have happened to her DD 20-fold, and that's how I felt for pretty much the whole weekend!

OP posts:
waterlego6064 · 10/07/2012 21:29

YANBU. My DCs know that I expect them to thank people who take them on trips, whether it's grandparents, teachers or Brownie leaders. As their parent, I say thank you as well.

I'm really surprised it wouldn't occur to some people, it's so obvious to me.

Kazriina · 10/07/2012 21:33

We've taken our guides to Mexico and still not had a thanks, some people are just beyond words!

ZZZenAgain · 10/07/2012 21:34

YANBU but maybe after they have spoken to their dc and heard all about it, it will occur to them to say something to you next time the brownies meet

Original poster
GarryBaldy · 10/07/2012 21:36

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but it's been bugging me and cast a bit of a shadow over what was a great weekend.

Mexico Kazriina - that sounds fantastic! Can't believe you've not had some parental response for that trip!

OP posts:
bowerbird · 10/07/2012 21:36

That's really shocking and disgraceful! Can I say thank you then, even though my DD isn't in Brownies, just because?

gettingeasier · 10/07/2012 21:39

YANBU

A friend used to run a Beavers group for years and has given up as she got sick of parents treating it as free childcare dropping their DC earlier and earlier and turning up late to get them.

Original poster
GarryBaldy · 10/07/2012 21:39

Thanks Bowerbird! Grin

OP posts:
May09Bump · 10/07/2012 21:42

If someone does something nice for us - then I personally say thank you and take an interest in what was done, I also make my 3yr old say thank you too.

Must make you sad - but I bet you the children appeciate it!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 10/07/2012 21:44

Of course YANBU.

Sadly I'm not surprised though. I used to run a school camp to France for a whole week. We (the staff) returned absolutely wrecked. One memorable year, not a single parent thanked me Angry

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 10/07/2012 21:46

lovebunny ShockShockShock It wouldn't have occurred to you????

Fair play for admitting it though.

MaryPoppinsBag · 10/07/2012 21:47

YANBU some people are so rude!

noelstudios · 10/07/2012 21:56

YANBU!
As someone who enjoyed brownies, guides and rangers for years and years, can I thank you? You are doing a brilliant job and will be remembered with much love and fondness by the children.

Lovebunny - I'm not surprised that it would never occur to you - don't you realise that Brownies are a lot like the police, what with their uniforms, the promises, the public service, the teamwork?

Kazriina · 10/07/2012 22:10

Yea, theres a world centre out there! It's an amazing place, plus if you fundraise from when the kids are brownies it pretty much pays for itself! Grin

skateboarder · 10/07/2012 22:23

My dc not yet old enough for brownies and im too old to remember but is there a relevant badge they can take to brush up on etiquette?

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