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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more than 4 parents out of 20 to say "thank you"...

109 replies

GarryBaldy · 10/07/2012 20:43

... after I've taken their DCs away for the weekend in a voluntary capacity?

I'm a Brownie leader, and have spend the weekend at a somewhat muddy camp. On returning the children to their parents the majority swept them away without a word of thanks.... oh, apart from the 1 parent who complained that we were late back...

Well, am I?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 10/07/2012 22:43

It is SO impolite to not thank somebody for looking after your children! I always ask my young DCs to say thank you if a friend has had them round for tea, and if I see their teachers at the end of the day, I thank them too.

God, it's just occurred to me that maybe I'm one of those awful, over-polite people Shock.

Abra1d · 10/07/2012 22:47

Lovebunny exemplifies why many people just don't bother doing extra things. Actually, I have friends who help out at Brownies just so it keeps on going, their own children having left. They do camps out of the goodness of their hearts, not necessarily because they enjoy it. Of course they need thanking. I would be mortified if my children forgot to thank their teachers for taking them on residentials, too, now they are teenagers.

youonlysingwhenyourewinning · 10/07/2012 22:53

Some people are ignorant, ungrateful, bad-mannered twats.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 22:53

Lovebunny - I'm not surprised that it would never occur to you - don't you realise that Brownies are a lot like the police, what with their uniforms, the promises, the public service, the teamwork?

perhaps so, perhaps so. but i never chase people across threads, i find it bad form, so that wouldn't have occurred to me either.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 22:56

Lovebunny exemplifies why many people just don't bother doing extra things
lovebunny charmingly doesn't give a fuck what you say about her.
lovebunny didn't send her baby to brownies. the baby incidentally who isn't home yet so i'm still stressed.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 22:58

lovebunny It wouldn't have occurred to you????
no, it would not have crossed my mind. mainly because i didn't want anyone to take my child away, and wouldn't have considered it a favour. and i would have had other things on my mind, as stated.

BadRoly · 10/07/2012 23:00

It doesn't surprise me and I am not sure I would expect it. I too am a Brownie leader. We finished tonight for the summer and one Brownie brought us leaders some flowers each.

What is much more surprising to me is how many people (including Brownies and Guides) think we get paid to do it.

CurrySpice · 10/07/2012 23:01

YANBU. That's awful! I always say thank you and chat to the leaders and ask them how they've found the trip.

CurrySpice · 10/07/2012 23:03

Lovebunny you sound charming!

TroLoLoLo · 11/07/2012 00:06

I hope I would have said thank you but I would have been most concerned that my DC said thank you.

workshy · 11/07/2012 00:16

rude parent's is one of the reason's I'm considering giving up brownies

I work full time yet give up my time because no body else will

I enjoy the meetings but the amount of admin and prep is a thankless task

I have 1 parent who picks up 15 minutes late every week with a different excuse

I have the ones that have uniform but don't bother wearing it

they never say thank you and I haven't had one christmas card in 3 years yet my pack is full with a long waiting list and when I told them I wouldn't be able to join them on a recent trip due to work, they were really upset and told me how much they would miss me so I must be doing something right!

all it takes is thank you sometimes

bruxeur · 11/07/2012 00:21

Unfortunately, lots of people are just cunts. C'est la vie, innit.

VolAuVent · 11/07/2012 00:21

YANBU. What a lot of rude and ungrateful people!

VegansTasteBetter · 11/07/2012 01:00

If a person is volunteering their time to help your child (even if they do enjoy it) and even if you don't really want them to go (why is that relevant btw, your kid does want to go so they are doing you a favor) you need to say thank you.. If only to teach them manners.

EcoLady · 11/07/2012 01:56

2 or 3 out of my 24 Brownies' parents say 'thank you'.

2 or 3 will complain about something that is either trivial or pointless (no, she didn't earn her swimming badge because she can't swim!).

The rest seem to mostly deny seeing any note that we send home via paper, e-mail text or Facebook (Yes, she WAS asked, repeatedly, to bring wellies and waterproof coat tonight).

And 3 will complain that she left item x behind three weeks ago, so why haven't I personally delivered it to her home yet? (Because it has no name on it. It has been brought back each week and I have asked the whole pack twice if anyone recognises it.)

RubyFakeNails · 11/07/2012 02:11

Yanbu and FFS what is all this about being too caught up in 'fretting' to say thank you.

No one forces you to allow you're children to go away if you're nerves can't take it then you shouldn't let them. Am genuinely shocked that people can't cope with a bit of time apart from their little darlings.

They should be thanking you profusely. When my dd goes away with her running club we always buy her team leader a bottle of champs and some chocolates, mainly because I imagine she desperately needs them, all 3 of us say thank you and this is the same with any activities my other dc do. People are so disrespectful and entitled I can't understand it even when their behaviour is 'explained' a la some on this thread.

Pitmountainpony · 11/07/2012 03:29

Some people have better manners than others. I used to find that the parents who did remember to say thanks ask had the nicest kids that all of us as teachers were endeared to. So they passed on the good manners.
I am shocked how bad a lot if people are at thanking people for things.

madmomma · 11/07/2012 06:18

YANBU it's God-awful manners!

AbigailS · 11/07/2012 07:35

You migt not want to trtust your children to brownie leaders for residentials, lovebunny, but do you want your children to go to after school gymnastics or art clubs? They are also run by volunteers, giving up their own time unpaid, when they have many other things that are higher on their priority list after school, but do it because the children love it. I must confess I hate running clubs as it makes me an hour and a half later to get back to my marking and prep, etc for the following day and gives me a much later night getting home to my own family. When I get no thanks, and instead just get complaints I mentioned before I really do wonder why I bother.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 11/07/2012 07:51

ha! i nearly always try to get dd to go and say thankyou. it seems to be working, a bit. she was the only one in a long line to say thankyou for the star of the week badge once and she managed to say thankyou to both parents at a recent party when i had sent her to say thankyou to one. hopefully we will get theer in the end.

more should have said thankyou.

Greatauntirene · 11/07/2012 09:05

Yes everyone should say thanks to Brownie Leaders and Teachers who take ghastly, overexcited DCs away. To me taking gangs of kids away overnight would be a fate worse than death.

But having also been a harrassed parent, sometimes these extra things can seem just like more hassle in an already busy life. If you have several DCs there can be never ending running around to sports/ playdates /swimming/ cubs/brownies and getting excited DCs organised to stay overnight can seem like just more demands with lists of required clothing etc etc

But parents should put themselves in the shoes of Leaders and show some well deserved appreciation. My DDs loved Brownie 'camp'.

Mrsjay · 11/07/2012 09:24

I bet the parents think you get paid and its your job blah blah some people are ignorant and expect from volunteers and dont say thanks I a;ways thank guide leaders it is my worst nightmare screeching girls in a muddy field i would rather stick pins in my eye,Grinwhen dd was in brownies they didnt do camping

confusedpixie · 11/07/2012 09:34

I'm glad I decided to work with explorers in the end because no other brownie or scout group got back to me I can't believe the rudeness of people, I remember being in brownies and we used to go choice our leaders a big group hug and thanks at the end of each trip!

tryingtonotfeckup · 11/07/2012 09:56

YANBU, I think that excusing this by saying parents are too relieved to have their children back, are busy, stressed etc is a cop out. How long does it take to say thank you? They should put themselves in your shoes, it must be so stressful taking other children away.

I also don't care if someone is / isn't paid to do something, still say thank you. The teachers at the school put on a lovely Jubilee celebration, it is extra work for them, they also provide updates / meetings about the changes from Reception to Year 1 for children out of school hours. I still said thank you each time, because it is polite and because I really appreciated it. If you want people to continue to give their time, appreciate it.

redexpat · 11/07/2012 10:37

There are an astonishing number of people who think that being a Brownie/Guide leader is paid, including some of the girls! So they think you have earnt your thanks in the form of a paycheque.