To expect more than 4 parents out of 20 to say "thank you"...

[GarryBaldy]

... after I've taken their DCs away for the weekend in a voluntary capacity?

I'm a Brownie leader, and have spend the weekend at a somewhat muddy camp. On returning the children to their parents the majority swept them away without a word of thanks.... oh, apart from the 1 parent who complained that we were late back...

Well, am I?

OP, YADNBU. Some people are just plain rude and ungrateful. I take my hat off to anyone who runs beavers/cubs/brownies/guides, I really do. THank you!

Incredibly rude and a bad example to the kids. Bit depressing really. I helped out at a brownie camp a couple of years ago as DD wouldn't go without me as I really really wanted to, and it was bloody hard work. 25 little hyper girls who barely slept, I was knackered when I got home. Hats off to all those who give up their time to take our kids away. I remember mums then saying 'oh well they get paid for it', this must be a common misconception. I put them all straight .

DD went to guide camp last year (without me, thank the lord), and she came home after a week completely shattered but loved every minute, she said it had been the best week of her life. I emailed the guide leaders and told them she has said that and they were all thrilled. I then made a mental note to not bother taking DD to Spain, Center Parcs, France etc ever again

Incredibly rude and a bad example to the kids. Bit depressing really. I helped out at a brownie camp a couple of years ago as DD wouldn't go without me as I really really wanted to, and it was bloody hard work. 25 little hyper girls who barely slept, I was knackered when I got home. Hats off to all those who give up their time to take our kids away. I remember mums then saying 'oh well they get paid for it', this must be a common misconception. I put them all straight .

DD went to guide camp last year (without me, thank the lord), and she came home after a week completely shattered but loved every minute, she said it had been the best week of her life. I emailed the guide leaders and told them she has said that and they were all thrilled. I then made a mental note to not bother taking DD to Spain, Center Parcs, France etc ever again

That's one advantage to having a Seniors unit -- the unit is small (in numbers) and by the time the girls are teens they know what running a unit/trip/residential takes so they ALL say thank you (even at the end of a meeting). Even a lot of the parents regularly say thank you when they see me (which isn't often because the girls all make their own way to the meetings). In fact, I have one mother who will regularly email her thanks even before the trip/event happened (and then definitely afterwards).

The number of people who think we get paid is astounding.

I always get my kids to go and say thankyou after camps, and hover behind them to also say thankyou. I wouldn't dream of not doing.

I also regularly tell our cub and scout leaders how much we appreciate all the things they do for the kids. They regularly go way above and beyond what I'd expect from volunteers.

We are hoping to move house at some stage and I'm already trying to work out what we can get as a leaving gift for the leaders who have done so much for both my kids.

Just to let you know OP, I've been out this morning to buy a big box of chocs and a card for DDs' brownie / guides leaders to say thanks for everything

I hope the DC said thank you!

I never thanked the groups leaders but made damn sure that the DC did. Does that count as OK?

Does it also count to know that DD has 'paid it forward' and done volunteering herself.

Maryz we told our guides we get twice our normal rate if we go on camp

it's jokes like this that feed the misconception isn't it? Ah well

I'm pretty sure there mostly know we are joking... A lot of them do comment that they don't really know why we do it.

Also, sorry to hear some of the old guard have been rude to your DD, it does happen, I've got lots of tips for dealing with it if she's interested (perhaps on another thread though I feel like a bit of a hijacker at the moment!)

Sorry you feel unappreciated - it's hard to do things and get taken for granted.

Why don't you do a workshop with the kids on manners and saying thank you!
Then at least this some of this next generation won't be so up to 90 to 'forget' to say thanks after someone has done something for them.

To all of you who give up your time, energy and sanity liberty to do wonderful things for other peoples kids, unpaid, may I give you a virtual

DS has just turned 6, is on the waiting list for our local Beavers group, everything I have heard sounds ace and I think he will love it. I will make a point of remembering that we should both voice our thanks when he gets there!

Thanks to you all, i feel overwhelmed with your virtual thanks and , and . Did my eyes deceive me or did someone mention champagne further up the thread?

CurrySpice, I'm sure the leaders will be thrilled! And Senua, yes, it's really lovely when the thanks comes from the young people - it made my day on this camp when one of the older guides who had been one of my Brownies said they were really pleased i was there!

This doesn't surprise me at all. There are a core band of about 10% of parents that ever utter a thank you at our Scout Group.
I think there is a general problem with society now where people are so wrapped up in their own world that manners go out of the window.
Yes I choose to do it, yes I put a lot of work in (there's more paperwork/planning/prevention of situations/booking/tel calls/email/lists than I care to think about) and yes I volunteer but as a human being It's not unreasonable to think it's nice to be thanked - after all it makes us all feel good and doesn't take much effort. After all this is what reminds us that we are doing the right thing, that we are appreciated and reminds us when things are a bit fraught that it is worth it. The kids faces of joy are a great thank you but sometimes I get the impression that only the kids and never the parents are grateful. Would they not be grateful of a thanks if they contributed to someone else's childs development/independence/confidence in even a small way?

You will never in a million years get every parent thanking you. They make sure they're DC is back in one piece and actually enjoyed themselves they won't stop to think that you'll have had sleepless nights beforehand over plans and sleepless nights while there because their child has been too excited to sleep nor will it occur to them that you'd possibly had to reprimand their child (God forbid their Darling has impeccible manners which they have undoubtedly learnt from themselves). Or even consider that yes their child is ok, but the leaders welfare might have taken a knock as a result of taking children away(sleep). As long as the kids are ok when I hand them back I'm happy.
Personally i'd rather be held up by a few minutes to make sure that all parents got any info passed on about their child that they needed to know or to make sure that each child went home with the right people in the choas than just see them whisked away.
And frankly if you are so concerned for your DC because you didn't want them to go that you can't utter thanks - don't send them!. And don't complain if they go to too many extra clubs etc, they are children, you have a choice o say no. My DD is limited to a sport, a musical instrument and unsurprisingly Scouts, and she'll get a trip abroad with two of these before she's 18 (opportunities depending) that I'll be willing to help pay/fundraise for. After that, it's her funds if she wants more.

And as for being paid??? I've never been asked but know someone who was and replied they had given up 12 days annual leave and paid out in excess of £1000 to Scout that year. An exceptional circumstance that particular year but still, he made his point .

I'm just glad I'm at the stage where I still enjoy it and haven't come to resent being just an opportunity to get rid of their DC for a couple hours just yet. After all, it's easy isn't it to occupy 20-50 kids on camp??? I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that we try to instill manners through their journey in scouts that they might not gain elsewhere.

Phew, glad that's off my chest, sorry it's long.
This makes me proud (gives me goosebumps)

My DS3 was on cub camp this weekend and came home without his shoes. I'd dropped him and his friends off and another dad brought them home. So I merrily texted the scout leader to see if she'd seen his shoes... 5 mins later I texted again saying, "Oops, thanks very much for the weekend, perhaps I should have texted this first? Sorry!"

I'd like to think I'm a nice person, but sometimes the major emergencies (like missing shoes ) get in the way a bit.

As a Beaver and Cub Leader it winds me up hearing parents bemoan having to get teachers a present for the end of term and yet not even thank the Leaders for having their children voluntarily. I don't do it for the money , I don't do it for the chocs , I do it for the kids and I do it for free. A text, an e-mail, a card, a sentance. That's all I need to know that the kids have enjoyed it and I am doing my 'job' well.

DD is a Guide and DS is a Cub.

I always thank the leaders as I am so aware that they give so much for the kids to get the best out of it.

I was a Scout Leader for many, many years and rarely got thanked. It just goes with the territory.

My DC (as in District Commissioner) related a story to me which offers an explanation. Bear with me, I'll return to the point in a tick...

They'd been running some sort of competition for the District Scouts (11-14yo mixed boys and girls), and had somehow managed to mix up the results. The wrong team got awarded 1st prize.

The team realised they'd made a mistake an hour later, but it was a bit late by then. The trophy had been handed out, kids had gone home. Ho hum. Mistakes happen, right?

But one father disagreed and insisted, forcibly and volubly over the phone the next day, that his child be awarded a trophy. The DC eventually gave in, bought another trophy (with his own money), and gave it to the child in question.

The father accepted this, with thanks, and said "I understand that mistakes happen, and that most of you are volunteers". The DC, tired, fed up, and out of pocket, couldn't be bothered correcting that, "no, actually we're all volunteers, which is why someone like you making my life a lot harder than it has to be is what puts people off volunteering in the first place!!".

And that, there, is the nub of it. I think a lot of people assume there is some sort of compensation for Scout/Guide workers and "thanks" is, therefore, unnecessary since - well, why should you be thanked for doing something you're paid to do? For doing your job? To a lot of people, it simply does not make sense that someone would give up their entire weekend, and much more, sleep in a tent surrounded by other tents containing 'orrible smelly yoofs, and not get paid for it!

Only truly, deeply mad people would do that, surely? :)

pants - typo:

"The leader team realised they'd made a mistake"

That link gave me goosebumps too skinnyrascal

I'm surprised that people give thinking the leaders are paid as a justification for some people not saying thank you. Most of the people I say thank you to in my daily life ] are paid to do what I thank them for-bus drivers, teachers, shop assistants, postmen, doctor, etc etc. I might be a thankaholic, but if all those people doing their actual job deserve thanks (and they do) then surely those doing it for free deserve even more. In my time I've thanked midwives, paramedics, the person scanning me when I'm having a miscarriage, the person stitching up my ds and the person relocating my shoulder so it doesn't just come down to being in a stressful self absorbed place. I think you need a habit of thanking people and then whatever's going on you'll naturally do it.

Molehill - I totally agree, and I'm a non-apologetic thankaholic myself.

My tale wasn't intended to excuse, or justify, the non-thankers, just to (possibly) explain their non-thanking behaviour.

Other possible explanations are:

1. Awkwardness - jings, this person has done a lot for me, and I don't really know what to say or do about it

1. Guilt - why didn't I help? I'll just slink away instead of meeting their eye...

1. Sheer and utter entitlement - I pay my subs, and I paid for this camp. Why should I also have to say thank you?

I take residential trips away with work and i am always shocked by the number of parents who just whisk their DC away without a single word, let alone thanks...

However, some are lovely and not only do they say thank you but give us a little thank you gift too.

I always say thank you, especially to people who volunteer, and also make my dc say thank you. I have also, this week, given my cub and guide leaders a box of homemade rocky road each to say thank you.

In this day and age, with the sheer rudeness and ignorance of many parents YABU to be surprised but that doesn't make it right.