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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my wedding on a Friday and make the guests take time off work/ primary school?

81 replies

Ambivalence · 09/07/2012 12:50

I am getting married this spring, the original plan was to have a religious ceremony in our local (very small) temple on the Friday for both families and my parents friends ? about 50 people, then go to a hotel for a meal (mini reception) that afternoon. Then reception for our 100 of our friends ( piss up) on the Saturday, at my old uni.

My mother has managed to find a (gorgeous) wedding venue with a capacity of 200 where we could have the religious ceremony and a reception, so we could invite everyone, the only problem is it is only available on the Friday. If we had our wedding ceremony and reception there, we could invite all our friends to the ceremony, and just have one reception ? which clearly appeals to me in terms of cost, as it would basically halve my mother?s costs ( she has offered to pay for the whole thing).

Is it unreasonable to expect people to take Friday off work ( half the guests will be coming from Holland and would need to fly in on the Thursday evening, take the Friday off work and take their children out of school for a day).

I guess another option is to change the date of the wedding to a Saturday when it is available, but we had our hearts set on the date ( just after easter). Am finding it difficult to strike a balance between pleasing my mother and my fiancé, and the guests and getting a bit stressed about it all...

OP posts:
whyme2 · 09/07/2012 12:53

not unreasonable to have it on a friday but don't get upset if they don't come

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2012 12:53

You can't 'make' your guests do anything.

If you want it on the Friday that's up to you but be prepared for a few people not being able to go.

nethunsreject · 09/07/2012 12:54

Friday weddings are fairly common where I am, so seems fair eough to me.

Lots of peole I know don't work mon-fri anyway.

fruitysummer · 09/07/2012 12:55

Loads of people have their weddings on a Friday now, it's the norm.

I've just been to two held on a Friday.

The next one i'm going to is a Thursday!!

Do what makes you happy, if it's Easter people with kids won't need to take them out of school and they'll probably get cheaper flights and accomodation when it's not a weekend?

AKMD · 09/07/2012 12:55

If your mother is fine with either day then I would stick with the Saturday or you might find that a lot of your guests won't be able to come.

dixiechick1975 · 09/07/2012 12:56

Be aware lots of state schools wont authorise any absence - so parents with school aged children may not come (my friend's son was a page boy in a Friday wedding and it was logged as unauthorised)

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 09/07/2012 12:57

Not really, you might have a few that cant take the day off but I have been to a wedding on a Friday (in fact a few) and (worse) on a Monday.

Its not unreasonable I dont think, you just might get a few that cant make it.

LoonyRationalist · 09/07/2012 12:58

Fridays can be difficult and some guests may not be able to come. You need to balance this against the reason you are so set on this date rather than a Saturday that is available & decide which is more important to you.

nancerama · 09/07/2012 12:59

We got married on a Friday and almost everyone we invited was able to come. As long as you get your invitations out in good time, most people should be able to make plans.

I have lots of Dutch friends - if I'm invited to an event over there, I usually book extra holiday and make a few days of the visit. Your guests may wish to do the same, plus flights are cheaper midweek than weekends.

BaronessOrczy · 09/07/2012 12:59

I got married on a Friday, six weeks ago. Meant some people didn't come, but it was people we thought wouldn't want to come anyway if you see what I mean?

Fairly common round here. Several of my friends worked an extra day the week before or after to make it up at work, and all friends took children out of school.

Do it, and halve the costs. And stop trying to please everyone - in the nicest possible way - as that way madness lies.

blackteaplease · 09/07/2012 12:59

It's not uncommon to have weekday weddings. I went to one on Thursday this week but went alone as dh is a teacher and can't get time off.

People will make the effort if they can but don't expect all invitees to be able to attend

dancemyselfclean · 09/07/2012 13:00

The last 2 weddings I've been to have been on Friday, I don't think it affected attendance at all. Just give plenty of notice. I like it because I've got two days to recover then Wink.

MegBusset · 09/07/2012 13:00

YANBU to have your wedding whatever date you want BUT you will probably find that more people can make it on a Saturday (I for example would not take my DC out of school for a wedding).

jumpingjackhash · 09/07/2012 13:01

It's not unreasonable of you at all to have your wedding on a Friday. It would be unreasonable if you expected everyone you invite to take the day off to be there (but you're not expecting that, are you?! Wink).

hairylemon · 09/07/2012 13:01

Only read the title and thought "no, you can't make them do anything"

have it any day you want, but don't be pissed if people can't make it

talkingnonsense · 09/07/2012 13:03

Friday fine unless any of your close friends are teachers- they won't be able to take a day off unless it is in the holiday.

AThingInYourLife · 09/07/2012 13:03

YANBU

Some guests might not be able to make it, but plenty will.

carrotsandcelery · 09/07/2012 13:05

Our wedding was on a Friday. Everyone, except two very elderly relatives who were never going to come anyway, came. Lots of people appreciated the long weekend (and plenty of time to enjoy the venue and recover from their hangover etc).

It is very, very normal here. Otherwise you have to wait years to get married as venues are booked up years and years in advance.

Flights and accommodation is also more reasonable in most places.

pommedechocolat · 09/07/2012 13:05

We had ours on a Friday - only people that couldn't make it was a teacher and wife (a deputy head turned up though!).

sherbetpips · 09/07/2012 13:05

perfectly normal to have a wedding on a Friday - keep in mind if you have any close friends/relatives who work in schools they wont be able to book a days holiday so wont be able to come.

GnomeDePlume · 09/07/2012 13:06

So long as you dont make assumptions that people are being nasty for not coming then have your wedding on whatever day suits you.

Many people have jobs which mean they cant freely take time off - not just teachers.

carrotsandcelery · 09/07/2012 13:06

Sorry, are more reasonable. Blush

paradisechick · 09/07/2012 13:07

God I must be alone in thinking mid week weddings are a complete pain in the arse and scream skinflint.

goodiegoodieyumyum · 09/07/2012 13:08

It is very hard to take you children out of school in Holland, the school can be fined as can the parents so it mau be difficult for people visitibng from Holland.

50shadesofstress · 09/07/2012 13:09

YANBU to choose whatever date you wish but YABU to expect people to take time off work or YwouldBU if you were cross if they didn't take time off.

For instance in my situation I do not work term time only so have to spread my leave to cover school holidays so I have no additional time available. Also schools generally don't grant holidays for friends weddings, they may for families.

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