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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have my wedding on a Friday and make the guests take time off work/ primary school?

81 replies

Ambivalence · 09/07/2012 12:50

I am getting married this spring, the original plan was to have a religious ceremony in our local (very small) temple on the Friday for both families and my parents friends ? about 50 people, then go to a hotel for a meal (mini reception) that afternoon. Then reception for our 100 of our friends ( piss up) on the Saturday, at my old uni.

My mother has managed to find a (gorgeous) wedding venue with a capacity of 200 where we could have the religious ceremony and a reception, so we could invite everyone, the only problem is it is only available on the Friday. If we had our wedding ceremony and reception there, we could invite all our friends to the ceremony, and just have one reception ? which clearly appeals to me in terms of cost, as it would basically halve my mother?s costs ( she has offered to pay for the whole thing).

Is it unreasonable to expect people to take Friday off work ( half the guests will be coming from Holland and would need to fly in on the Thursday evening, take the Friday off work and take their children out of school for a day).

I guess another option is to change the date of the wedding to a Saturday when it is available, but we had our hearts set on the date ( just after easter). Am finding it difficult to strike a balance between pleasing my mother and my fiancé, and the guests and getting a bit stressed about it all...

OP posts:

paradisechick · 09/07/2012 13:09

People have to use holiday days, take kids out of school, lose money... Just to save the bride a few bob.

hattifattner · 09/07/2012 13:10

i think friday weddings are fine IF kids are invited. Its a PITA to get an invite to a wedding on a friday with a no kids policy.

50shadesofstress · 09/07/2012 13:10

ooh just seen some of the other comments - our school must be quite strict.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/07/2012 13:11

I wouldn't be able to go on a Friday unless it was in the holidays (teacher, but you're not inviting me anyway are you!)

50shadesofstress · 09/07/2012 13:12

If you are really doing it to save money then maybe YABU, if it is because its the only date you can get in the month you want to do it then thats not so bad.

jumpingjackhash · 09/07/2012 13:12

No, you're not the only one paradisechick! I do find them a pita and but if it's a close friend or family member I will take time off work - assuming it's a day when I can.

We have 2 'midweek' weddings coming up - one is a very-short-notice affair and it was the only day they could get. DH and I are moving heaven and earth to get time off at such short notice so we can be there - it's a v v small wedding too.

The other is just because they're trying to do it as cheaply as possible but it's a family wedding and not going is 'not an option', iykwim! [pissed off emoticon]

Original poster

Ambivalence · 09/07/2012 13:13

No, I am not expecting anyone to come if they don?t want to. I personally think that if they want to be there, they will take the time off work and travel to be there. I have taken weeks off work and flown across the world for a friend?s wedding if I wanted to.

Fortunately no teachers or uk school aged children (the UK kids are younger, so just a day off nursery). It would be easier for the guests iof we had it on a Saturday of course, but easier for me if it was on a fridayall in one venue. I am not sure if we will be getting the venue cheaper because it is a Friday ( it seems rather expensive to me given that we will have to provide outside catering on top as they don?t do asian food), but my mother is in love with it, and very generously offering to pay for it.
I recently took a Wednesday ? Friday off work to travel to a party my OH?s step father held on a Thursday, so kind of think ..if it?s ok for us to take time off

OP posts:

Mrbojangles1 · 09/07/2012 13:14

We got married on a friday it was summer so most were off any way but every one gets 28 days off if they wont take one day off to see a dear friend or family member get wed then they shouldnt be at the wedding any ways

Those who love and care for you will be their

On a side not it saved us about £2k getting married on a friday

anyoneknowanything · 09/07/2012 13:14

I did the same Married on a Friday - but when anyone asked about presents I told them- taking a day off work to come to our wedding - was our present.

paradisechick · 09/07/2012 13:15

We were invited to a Thursday no kids. My family, in laws work Mon to Fri so no childcare. Dh self employed contractor so the whole thing was difficult. Ended up just me going and dh losing half a days work to do childcare. He could have lost a full day and went but no childcare. And of course the happy couple assumed no one minded!

paradisechick · 09/07/2012 13:17

Everyone gets 28 days leave? Right then!

Mrbojangles1 · 09/07/2012 13:23

You didnt have to go i hate that people doung things then being bitter i would rather people not come than bitch and moan
Some things are worth half a days pay

I would of lose a while weeks pay rather than miss say my sisters wedding unless your evena trump for most people geting married is a once in a life time event

Mrbojangles1 · 09/07/2012 13:23

If your going to do somthing do it with a open heart or dont borther

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2012 13:24

I personally think that if they want to be there, they will take the time off work and travel to be there. I have taken weeks off work and flown across the world for a friend?s wedding if I wanted to

People generally can't just take time off work because they ask though.

Some people have to take their holidays when they're given/use them for childcare/family holidays.

ginnybag · 09/07/2012 13:26

No, they blinking don't!!! That's one of the most silly comments I've seen on here!

Everyone who is an employee gets 5.6 weeks per year. But this can, and does, include Bank Holidays, shut downs etc.

And that's not saying anything about the people who work in jobs where all their time off is predetermined, so like teachers etc, or those who are self-employed, who don't get any paid holidays at all!

Even those who do, usually have to book them well in advance and those with not-school-age will be fighting the ever-fun game of holiday leave/childcare gaps

Original poster

Ambivalence · 09/07/2012 13:26

It is not to save money, it is about reducing the travel for the elderly guests,

The reason for having the ceremony on the Friday is because the reception venue booked for Saturday will not allow a non-christian service. The thought of getting up at stupid o?clock, marrying on the Saturday morning in the temple and then travelling for an hour to the reception venue (my OH has his heart set on it ? it is my old oxford college, and they only allow weddings/ receptions of ex-students, so something really unusual for the dutch guests) just sounds too exhausting, but the comments now about how hard it will be for the dutch guests to take time off work makes me think that is just what we will have to do.

I have just had some disappointed comments from some friends that they won?t see the actual ceremony, but I guess the ones who really want to see it will be prepared to do the extra travelling early in the morning. We will arrange transport from the temple to oxford.

I really don?t want to have 2 wedding receptions ? it will be a huge expense. I am currently exhausting myself trying to think of ways of making it most convenient as the guests are a mix of 30 something?s from London ( no kids, will want to party all night), dutch 40 somethings with primary school aged children, and then my parents friends who are in their 70s, and will find the travelling difficult.

I am running around trying to please everyone, rather than do what I want to do. The most frustrating thing is that no option to have the ceremony in oxford (and I can?t compromise and just have a civil ceremony and a blessing later, for me unless it is a religious ceremony, I won?t feel married)

OP posts:

TheMonster · 09/07/2012 13:28

Do what you think best, but don't get offended at people not coming. I would not come - I am a teacher so wouldn't get the time off. Aside from that, I wouldn't take my son out of school for a day to attend a wedding.

Birdsgottafly · 09/07/2012 13:37

I am going to a Friday wedding in August, it doesn't make a difference, in our circle, Saturday can be a working day, so a day of work would have to be booked either way.

Anyone tied by schools or babysitters may have a problem, but just accept that there will be people that cannot come.

minipie · 09/07/2012 13:37

You have to decide what is most important to you:

1 having the date you want (ie just after Easter)
2 having the venue you want
3 making it possible/easy for your guests to attend.

Personally I think 2 and 3 are most important, so in your shoes I'd switch to a different date where the venue has a Saturday available, that way you can get 2 and 3.

I don't get what's so special about the Friday date?

Original poster

Ambivalence · 09/07/2012 13:41

The friday date is in April - if we wanted a saturday in that venue, we would have to presumably wait for a long time...

OP posts:

CamperWidow · 09/07/2012 13:46

We had our wedding on a Friday. There was only one family who couldn't come. As long as you give everyone enough notice, those who care enough will make it.

AnnaRack · 09/07/2012 13:58

You can have your wedding whenever you like as long as you accept that some people won't be able to come, eg because they don't get paid for time off, don't have enough annual leave left to take or can't get the time off authorised by their boss because someone else is off at the same time.

We went to a Friday wedding some years ago, DH had to take unpaid leave to attend but didn't mind doing it as the groom was a close friend. Two kids later though, with less cash to spare, I don't think we would do the same again.

Hopefully all the close family members will be able to make it, so it shouldn't be a problem.

BaronessBomburst · 09/07/2012 14:00

Why do people think it would be difficult for the Dutch to come if it was on a Friday? I live in the Netherlands. All the weddings I've been to have been on Fridays because the town hall charges extra for Saturdays. Friday is the norm. Further family affairs, weddings, and birthdays are sacrosanct over here. Requests for time off run like this: Can I have next Friday off? Employer: No, we're too busy. Employee: But it's my 9th cousin removed's birthday! Employer: Oh, well in that case, it's fine. Congratulations on your relative's birthday. (shakes your hand)

paradisechick · 09/07/2012 14:03

It's not as simple as those who want to will. That midweek wedding I was talking about, dh really wanted to go. It just wasn't possible.

We've travelled half way round the world to weddings which was more plausible than the midweek one!

minipie · 09/07/2012 14:08

if we wanted a saturday in that venue, we would have to presumably wait for a long time...

Have you asked the venue?

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