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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been repulsed by DH fainting?

139 replies

meMillyme · 08/07/2012 16:26

I?m a regular user who has name-changed as I know I will likely be flamed for this! Not a wind up either ? promise I know I am unreasonable and a horrible person. Sharing my horribleness with you.

So yes DH fainted in Tesco today. We were standing by the bread when he suddenly went white and started staggering around, finally sinking to his knees in a very dramatic fashion. I rushed to him but was elbowed out of the way by loads of people trying to drag him to his feet. He was given water and gradually sat up ? then went faint again when he stood up, que more tottering and slumping over and a load more fuss.

Anyway I have taken his home and fussed over him all day, he says he still feels weak. Now the horrible bit: I just found my 6ft 3 husband staggering abound and being all weak and woozy and needing support to walk repulsive.

I know, I know I?m a cow.

OP posts:
scuzy · 08/07/2012 18:18

OP I find men that are big and large physique attractive. that is my dp. i am small and really love feeling safe and protected etc. perhaps if you are like that you find him being "weak" in any regard a bit of a turn off? i dont think you dont love, care for, or are worried about your OP perhaps the fact he is at the mercy of this condition you dont find attractive. that make sense?

ReindeerBollocks · 08/07/2012 18:18

Ae you 12? Embarrassed by your fainting DH?

My DH has been really quite ill over the years, and has fainted/vomited and done all manner of 'unmanly' things like this over the years. Apart from being scared for his health I was never repulsed. What an odd reaction from you. Glad you didn't tell him.

scuzy · 08/07/2012 18:18

but think how he feels ... how worried, embarrassed he is. he is a big man and fainted like that in public. think about how he feels at the moment.

Bestb411pm · 08/07/2012 18:23

Do you think it could be a fight or flight response from your own fear and shock?

Emotions are odd things and it's horrible when they don't fit the norm of what people think you should be feeling.

Fwiw you don't sound like a horrible person, or someone who doesn't give a shit about their husband.

RuleBritannia · 08/07/2012 18:31

I have read only page 1 and page 5 and my first question is: What did Tesco do about it? An ambulance should have been called.

At least when my DH 'fainted' twice don't like the term 'two times' at school and once at the gym, an ambulance was called each time. I learned that when he 'fainted' at home, I should call an ambulance. That was three times at home. Call when you need one. That's what they are for. If you do not, it's quite possible that you will lose your own DH. you do not know why he 'fainted', do you?

Original poster
meMillyme · 08/07/2012 18:32

Thanks bestb.

I am not an unsympathetic or unsupportive wife. It's not that I didn't sympathise, it was just a feeling I had afterwards about seeing him so weak and vulnerable.

Yes I am small and he is tall and strong. He is a gentle sensitive type any way and I love that.

I have considered how he feels, he was upset and embaressed afterwards. I reasured him when he came around and have looked after him this afternoon.

OP posts:
Original poster
meMillyme · 08/07/2012 18:34

Yes they called an ambulance. And I mentioned on another page he is prone to fainting (has done since childhood apparently)

No I don't know why. I assume maybe over-heating..

OP posts:
diddl · 08/07/2012 18:37

Blimey-since childhood?

And no one knows why?

Original poster
meMillyme · 08/07/2012 18:39

It doesn't happen regularly.

At the sight of blood and when he gets too hot.

OP posts:
jadebond007 · 08/07/2012 18:50

I understand this. I think Jamie talks a lot of sense about this.

I also think it might be an subconscious self preservation thing. You suddenly see that your protector is weak and your brain tries to disconnect from your feelings about him.

Don't feel bad. You can't choose your feelings. You obviously care about him because you overcame them.

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2012 18:59

I really wouldn't over analyze this TBH.

You were in an a very alarming situation and it all probably happened very quickly.

Our brains do not have set reactions for every situation; sometimes emotions can get mixed up when we have a shock.

You're not a cow, Just a human! :o

Kayano · 08/07/2012 19:03

God this thread is bloody horrible.

wtf is wrong with you people? You aren't doing anything but backing up gender stereotypes by implying that men should be stron and tough and not show any weakness

makes me feel bloody sick

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2012 19:08

I agree with you there Kayano, I don't think it has anything to do with your DH looking weak. (I hope not)

You had a shock, Your wires got crossed.

As I said, Try not to analyze this.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 08/07/2012 19:12

Kayano

We are all susceptiblee to stereotypes. It's not right and it may actually be nothing at all to do with the ops situation - it was just an idea. No one is sayiing the op was right to have this immediate reaction, but she did.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 08/07/2012 19:15

Lots of our beliefs are subconscious - we aren't aware of them until something happens that makes us think about them.

For example, I wasn't aware that I thought most boys were interested in sport, until I had a son who wasn't and I felt I had to push him to play football. I realised I'd got this wrong by talking to other people about it

ariadne1 · 08/07/2012 21:48

Feelings are involuntary they come unbidden.They are often irrational and unreasonable but you have no control and shouldn't feel bad about them.

ImperialBlether · 08/07/2012 21:55

I could easily cope with a man fainting, but I did feel repulsed at the use of 'que' in the OP.

Devora · 08/07/2012 22:00

I'm a fainter too - some of us just do, it's not very pretty for those around us.

OP, obviously repulsion is an inappropriate reaction - but you know that, and by knowing it you can manage it. I'm just interested in whether this is part of a wider trend in your relationship. Do you need him to be strong/ in control at all times? Do you often get alarmed when he shows vulnerability?

NovackNGood · 08/07/2012 22:36

Well if roles were reversed everyone here would have told you to leave him so have a seat and think about that and realise just how awful you have been.

Original poster
meMillyme · 08/07/2012 22:40

Imperial: I'm equally repulsed by your comma splice; wouldn't dream of metioning it though Wink Grin

Norvack: I will - right after I've whipped myself.

OP posts:
SecretPlace · 08/07/2012 22:44

Oh OP I know exactly what you mean. I saw it happen to a friend once, and it creeped me out a bit seeing them like that. That doesn't mean I wasn't worried, my first thought was to help them and be scared for them! But afterwards when thinking about it the body movements made be cringe a bit. Not their fault in the slightest and thank god they're okay but I know what you mean :)

usualsuspect · 08/07/2012 22:47

I read your title as 'repulsed by my DHs farting'

Original poster
meMillyme · 08/07/2012 22:47

Thanks secret place, that's exactly what I mean!

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/07/2012 22:47

I don't think it's the fact it was a) a man or b) a man who's your DH which is the problem. People fainting is weird and unsettling and a bit spooky. I say this as a low blood pressure fainter. You may well have reacted similarly if it had been your best (female) mate.

SecretPlace · 08/07/2012 22:52

I think it's just mine and the OPS reaction to something that is odd to us. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way and ive no doubt she was worried!

When we see something different it sometimes freaks us out a little
It's a natural reaction and one that has kept us alive for thousands of years (okay fair enough not in the situation of your partner fainting but you know what I mean)

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