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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit off with DW after hen night and cp strippers...

121 replies

shouldkeepquiet · 07/07/2012 23:01

Brief details: My DW was invited on hen night two weeks ago and there was talk of them seeing some stripper. TBH she was a bit unhappy about that part of the night as it's not really her thing at all.
I told her she should go as all her social group were going and the hen is one of her best friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
shouldkeepquiet · 08/07/2012 00:54

Thanks everyone for your comments. i'm going to turn in -got a half marathon at 8.30 tomorrow and i'm done in.
In summary i think she has not thought how i would take her comments probably thinking i would not be bothered. I guess i may be a bit more insecure about myself than she thinks i am.
Like ost men i am not going to say anything to her i don't think there is anything to be gained by that. It's not like she goes to male strippers every weekend

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 08/07/2012 01:00

Just don't let it fester.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 08/07/2012 01:02

good luck with marathon, but i definatly think you should talk to her OP.

Cheriefroufrou · 08/07/2012 01:05

good luck with the half marathon

AgentZigzag · 08/07/2012 01:44

Yes, good luck with the marathon - hope the weather holds out for you (whatever weather you prefer running in) Smile

HecateHarshPants · 08/07/2012 07:51

I think you should just ask her how she would feel if you went to see a stripper and came home raving about it, mentioned the woman's body from time to time.

I actually don't see any difference and I think it's rather hypocritical to say that it's disgusting for a man to go and see a woman strip and his partner is justified to feel upset and hurt if she is compared to the stripper and by him going to see one at all! but lighten up it's a jolly old jape for a woman to go and see a man strip and he's unreasonable to be hurt and upset if he is compared to the stripper and he needs to get over it cos it's no big deal.

Just tell her how you feel. Ask her to reverse the situation and really think how she would feel to listen to you going on about someone's body.

HecateHarshPants · 08/07/2012 07:52

oh, and I know you said you're not going to say anything, but I think that's a mistake. Grin

Not that any of us get a vote or anything Grin

sashh · 08/07/2012 08:05

I know i probably come across as a bit insecure and wounded male pride ect but i know if i went to a stag do and we went to a lap dancing club (never been by the way!) that if i rang home with God their bodies were so tight .. no cellulite ect.. and followed up with " when i'm thinking of the stripper we saw the other night..." i would be toast!!

Because that is different, she hasn't mentioned the chest / bum / legs has she?

OK I'll let you in on a secret. Strippers of the male variety have a little trick, they ......... er ............ ok they give them selves a little bit of pleasure, just enough to make themselves ............ ok you get the idea.

Then they put an elastic band round the base to stop the blood going back and them shrinking during the performance.

That is why they all look huge.

Good luck with the running.

Whatmeworry · 08/07/2012 09:21

Because that is different, she hasn't mentioned the chest / bum / legs has she?

No, she got straight to the point :o

To argue this is somehow different is rank hypocrisy. It'd be funny to wait a week or 2 to put up the reverse post.

If the roles had been reversed, by now there would be cries to be checked for STDs, assertions that all men were feckless, promiscuous and selfish, and at least a pageful of " leave the bastard

Gibbous · 08/07/2012 09:54

OP, YANBU to be hurt by this and I think you need to gently bring it up with your wife.

But, to reassure you more than anything, she will probably be astonished this has sparked insecurities in you because, as the other posters have said, I suspect she is saying this in a "urgh, they looked so ridiculous!" way not a "they were so sexy" way. Firstly because that's how I and every other female who I have discussed male stripper with views it and secondly because she probably wouldn't be saying anything if it was the latter. I am as straight as they come but I am far more turned on by a naked woman than a naked man.

I also think other posters have been really harsh in their replies. Your insecurity may be misguided but it was perfectly understandable and just because women have to put up with being made to feel insecure it doesn't mean men should too. Two wrongs don't make a right and the way of perpetual revenge lies madness.

You sound like a decent bloke OP, just lightly say to her, "you probably don't mean it to but you do know that's making me feel a bit rubbish?!"

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/07/2012 09:59

She's out of line, I think. Not to have gone to see them, that's fine - but to keep talking about them. Perhaps she's trying to give you a jolt but there's no need for that.

I would do what other posters have said and ask her how she would feel were you to talk so longingly of a female stripper, mentioning how beautiful her body was, all the time. She how she likes that - she won't and will get the point very quickly.

Gibbous · 08/07/2012 10:14

I think it far more likely that the OP's wife doesn't actually know how her comments are being perceived and rather than say something which is likely to start an argument I'd go for the direct but gentle approach first (eg "you know what you're saying is making me feel a bit rubbish").

If she doesn't get it then you have somewhere else to go with it.

Fireandashes · 08/07/2012 10:22

I don't get the sense that she's "raving" about them or deliberately trying to make the OP feel inadequate. She has made two comments - one from the club when drunk. The very fact that she rang her husband is, IMO, a positive one: she wasn't gloating, she was sharing a funny experience with the person most important to her who was in her mind at that moment: her husband.

As for the "peeing horse" comment, unless she's got some weird bestiality fetish, that's not a sexy image, is it? As others have said, it sounds like she's just verbalising the strange, almost comic element of what she saw.

It probably hasn't crossed her mind that the OP might be bothered by her comments, precisely because he almost certainly IS "enough" for her so it wouldn't occur to her that she might be making him feel inadequate because to her he isn't inadequate, if that makes sense.

I get the "what would happen if the roles were reversed" point, but I think there are so many differences between the way male and female strippers are respectively viewed, marketed, presented that I don't think it's as straightforwardly parallel a comparison as it might first appear.

Whatmeworry · 08/07/2012 11:50

I get the "what would happen if the roles were reversed" point, but I think there are so many differences between the way male and female strippers are respectively viewed, marketed, presented that I don't think it's as straightforwardly parallel a comparison as it might first appear

Quite. A man's place is in the wrong :o

RoxyRobin · 08/07/2012 11:53

Corporal Punishment Stippers - they're going to spank her? Or she them?

lastnerve · 08/07/2012 12:11

Hmm me and my fiance have made it clear to each other NO STRIPPERS on the stag do.

no way would I marry someone who had paid a woman to have tits and fanny rubbed in his face, I don't like it I think its distasteful to your partner.

YANBU. though people will disagree with me.

joanofarchitrave · 08/07/2012 14:50

Hmm, nothing to gain? I'd disagree, these gains might be on offer:

she gets to understand why you've been 'off' with her
she has the chance to apologise
you open up to her and risk that emotional disclosure, with possible increase in intimacy as a result

lastnerve · 08/07/2012 16:10

you can't just sulk with her without telling her?

if thats what you have been doing??

kickassangel · 08/07/2012 16:35

Talk to your wife. You're guessing what's in her head and getting upset.

fwiw, I have v limited experience of this, so not sure how accurate I am - BUT male strippers at this kind of thing just put on a show. IT's seedy & tacky and I wouldn't be entertained, but it's a case of 'look don't touch'. Whereas lapdancing clubs seem to go to the whole touch/fondle/full sex level. If dh saw a 'dirty dance' I would be greatly unhappy but could get over it as a one off. If he took part in any kind of activities then I would be shoving him out the door.

So in your position I would be unsettled, but not at the end of the relationship.

Original poster
shouldkeepquiet · 08/07/2012 19:41

Wow there are some scarily accurate comments on her. Have you been following me?!
I have decided if there are any more comments i will bring it up in a sort of "how would you feel sort of way..." But there has been nothing now for a few days so i think i'll drop it and get on with life as normal.
I think fireandashes comment is probably just about right. She is not aware that i'm bothered because in her eyes i have nothing to be worried about.
That's it end of time to move on.
Thanks everyone again.

OP posts:
JosephineCD · 08/07/2012 19:51

kickassangel, I am pretty sure there is more touching & fondling at a strip show with men stripping for women than vice versa. Possibly even full sex too although I'm not sure about that.

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