to have not gone to my mums wedding or to talk that much to her husband!??

[charllie]

I feel kinda silly for holding a grudge for so long! Its been maybe 9 years now :/
When my mum first met her husband, he was alright, got on okay with him. Then one night, we went out with family for a meal and drink (someones bday) and we were stood on the dance floor of the club (had been to comedy club that turns into night club) anyway......i had been deleting photos from my camera and he started putting his hand in front of the screen, taking it away and putting it back, lots. Was very annoying, so i ignored him. He then pinched my nipple!!! I was shocked! Walked away crying. My mum stood there and had seen the whole thing! The next day she phoned me and said he had been joking, fucking joking!! I didn't find it funny. Not even my best friend (male) would do that to get my attention. They got married a year or so after that, i didn't go. Made an excuse that i couldn't get time off work (they went up to gretna green) I talk to him now, but only because she's married to him. The other month, she asked why my DD doesn't call him Grampy! (my sisters little boy, who has grown up knowing him as that does) my DD is 6 and has never called him that. My mum was upset by this! I felt in the wrong. When i said that well he's not her grampy, she bought up the fact that my DD calls my OH dad, even though he's not. I think thats kinda different, he's an amazing dad to her, lives with her, does dad things with her.

Thanks, it's always good to hear someone else, who isn't part of it, point of view. I've been chatting more to him the last couple of years, but could still feel myself not trying like i should. Will try harder when i see him next :)
I do feel bad about the wedding, wasn't at a good place at the time, not that i'm making excuses, but think thats part of the problem (ex partner)

He pinched your nipple? I really don't find that funny, at all. No, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't have gone to the wedding and I wouldn't be bothering to make an effort with him now.

I kinda think YANBU, what he did was soooooo inappropriate. You were his GF's daughter FFS, what was he thinking. I don't know how I'd feel about 9 years later though.

Your mum sounds a bit like a man-pleaser, at the expense of her children's feelings. If you don't want your kids to call him grampy, then they don't have to!

ummm YANBU. He sexually assaulted you. Was he drunk? Did he later apologise? Was he genuinely remorseful?

YANBU, I've been drunk, I've never pinched anyones nipple
I'ld prob give a wide birth too

He pinched your nipple? Good lord, do people do things like that!!

YANBU I don't think.

So he assaulted you, made you cry, didn't bother to apologise, then your Mum dismissed it as a joke?

I would still be pissed off.

Has he ever tried to apologise/explain his actions to you?

Yup I'd still be pissed off and not talking to him over that

yanbu

What Stewie said.

Eugh to the tweaking nipple. He sounds icky.

Yanbu! He pinched your NIPPLE?

That is well over the line, I'd still be upset.

I might have tried to rebuild an appropriate relationship with him IF he had made a full and genuine apology. And if an action like that was out of character and a one off.

Otherwise I wouldn't allow my DD to see him much less call him 'grampy'.

Pinched your nipple?????? and people think you're holding a grudge too long?

He sexually assaulted you. I would never see him again

It's up to the person whether they want to forgive someone for something kotinka.

I wouldn't want to stay around to find out what other kinds of 'mistakes' they would find appropriate if they thought nipple tweaking was a fair game.

You're mum's trying to lay a guilt trip on you OP, has he done anything else you know of to make you about him?

Oh my god, he did that? That's sexual assault. Its not even... Fucking what?

No you're not being unreasonable! I cannot imagine how violated you must have felt. Carry on as you are, you're actually being the bigger person here imo.

Yep sexual assault and the fact your mum is ok with that, is umm.. I'll go now before i say anymore.

I think a grudge is putting it mildly.

Apparently people like Kontinka think sexual assault is ok if 'there's booze involved.'

Yanbu- how dare he. Weird. How could your mum put up wih that ?

YANBU, however when you say your mum saw everything, are you sure of that, I'm just wondering if in a darkened night club she might have seen him messing about and covering the screen of your camera but missed the sexual assault. It just seems so odd that a mother would accept that behaviour towards her daughter from anyone.

YANBU. At all.

Personally I would make it no secret why I hold a grudge. (and yes grudge is putting it mildly) He should be ashamed, your mother should be ashamed for defending it.

Has he apologised for sexually assaulting you?

When he does, you might (and should) consider forgiving him. Up until that point, you are allowing him to believe he did nothing wrong - your feelings of revulsion prove that he definitely did something wrong!

I am not sure how I could have looked my mother in the eye again properly knowing she did not stand up for me and not only that, called me to defend a man who had assaulted me, her daughter.

YANBU to still be upset, and to not want your child calling him granddad or any other similar name.

(and just because woman are in night clubs, does not make them 'fair game' to be abused).

Fuck me, if he'd pinched my nipple I would have kicked in the fucking balls! And if my mother had stood there watched the whole thing then and done nothing I wouldn't have spoken to her for the last 9 years! YASNBU! I can't believe some people think you're being unreasonable! I'd ask your mum what she would do if your DP walked up to her and pinched her nipple, would she giggle and think it was ok? ANd as for your dd calling him gramps I'd be be keeping her as far away as possible from him!

I hate men who do this type of thing. Grope a woman and they play it down saying it was a joke and he was drunk, how would they like it if a woman came up to them and grabbed their balls, hard! Stupid bastard!