to have not gone to my mums wedding or to talk that much to her husband!??

[charllie]

I feel kinda silly for holding a grudge for so long! Its been maybe 9 years now :/
When my mum first met her husband, he was alright, got on okay with him. Then one night, we went out with family for a meal and drink (someones bday) and we were stood on the dance floor of the club (had been to comedy club that turns into night club) anyway......i had been deleting photos from my camera and he started putting his hand in front of the screen, taking it away and putting it back, lots. Was very annoying, so i ignored him. He then pinched my nipple!!! I was shocked! Walked away crying. My mum stood there and had seen the whole thing! The next day she phoned me and said he had been joking, fucking joking!! I didn't find it funny. Not even my best friend (male) would do that to get my attention. They got married a year or so after that, i didn't go. Made an excuse that i couldn't get time off work (they went up to gretna green) I talk to him now, but only because she's married to him. The other month, she asked why my DD doesn't call him Grampy! (my sisters little boy, who has grown up knowing him as that does) my DD is 6 and has never called him that. My mum was upset by this! I felt in the wrong. When i said that well he's not her grampy, she bought up the fact that my DD calls my OH dad, even though he's not. I think thats kinda different, he's an amazing dad to her, lives with her, does dad things with her.

and 'tweaking' makes it sound harmless. when, women know that 'tweaking' when not wanted, can fucking hurt.

That is bizarre behavior, if my stepfather did that i could never look at him in the same way, shows there is a lack of boundaries. I hate when people use booze as an excuse for their behaviour. I have been pissed on many occasions in my younger days and have never done anything like that--

How exactly would she feel if he did it to her grand daughter? Would it still be a joke? Because right now, the OP's Mum is letting him think that shagging the Gran gives him licence to touch up any female family member he fancies!

I used the word 'tweaking' TooMany, but I've never known it to be a harmless thing, 'tweakers' can try to palm it off as a bit of joshing, but nobody else thinks it is.

I'd have felt the same compulsion to do the same to his nads, but that would be just as bad wouldn't it?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What a freak (him!).
You must feel terribly unsupported by your mother. :(

Tell her your children are going to call him Grampy Pervert. (I know you can't do that really, but sheesh, I wish you could.)

phew, when i had just had the first comment, saying i was being unreasonable, felt bad and that maybe i should have just said ok then, lets forget. But thank you all who have commented since!
The reason i know that my mum saw everything is because she phoned in the morning saying he had been joking, i made a point of saying but he pinched my nipple, she said but he was joking. So yes, she saw! I was very upset at the time, as it was such a shock, i was maybe 22 years old. Didn't know what to do, just walked to the toilet and cried. I think through anger more than anything though (i have an annoying habit of crying when i get so angry, hate it lol)
He's not once mentioned it, tried to apologise, nothing!
When i go round there, i always make sure that there is no cleavage showing what so ever! Always pull tops right up, so it still makes me feel uncomfortable around him.
Think i'll carry on being the way i am with him :) and my DD will not be calling him grampy, was adamant about that from the start anyway and if i have anymore children, they wont either.

Ew ew ew. Your mum is in denial about his behaviour. I would be actively avoiding him and my children wouldn't be going near.

I am fairly easy going... if someone had playfully slapped my backside, I would have probably growled at them but let them off ... however... someone "tweaking" my nipple would have got a slap round the face and I would be unlikely to want to have anything to do with them again.. particularly if it was the man who was dating or married to my own mother.

I think assault is a very valid thing to hold a grudge against, particularly since the OP has a daughter who the mother and father in law want in the father in law's life!

If you know someone's capable of behaving in such an inappropriate way kotinka, and not even know it was inappropriate because they did it in front of a lot of other people (unless he got off on that), would you really want to put yourself in a position to spend more time with them?

Why would you do that?

since neither of them every yet acknowledged that there was anything wrong with what happened.. I'd say indefinitely.. sounds like they both still think it was okay behaviour, so long as they think that they deserve a wide birth!
and it wasn't an accident! he didn't trip and spill a drink over her!

not a paedophile
but a man who acts inappropriately to women
even if he never touches the child or has any desire to, if the child is around him and witnesses or hears his inappropriateness.. and all the adults act fine with it.. that is in itself a damaging message for her

Depends on the mistake really.

Rape
Calling me the wrong name
Sexual assault
Having a silly argument
Murder
Drunken 'words'
Theft
Serving me meat when I'm veggie

I would call the police and demand a man was arrested if he tweaked my nipple

Would I socialise and forgive a man who didn't even apologise.

You can bet your life I would not

plus the child will get older, imagine how you'ld feel if your "grampy" did this to you (even when no longer underage) then you found out that he has form for it but everyone was just fine and dandy with it and let you walk into it?

It doesn't say he's a paedophile kotinka, but it does say he has a serious lack of boundaries, and that's not someone I would be waiting around to see what other boundaries they thought were OK to take a long jump at.

This isn't just a 'mistake', he didn't forget to pick the OP up for a party or spill wine on her carpet, he was sexually inappropriate and intrusive, not to mention the pain it must have caused the OP.

It says something about the man.

"Has he ever done anything else that made you uncomfortable?"

probably not because she DIDN'T LET HIM by not "getting over it" and distancing herself from him so that
A) she wasn't giving him the message that it was okay and
B) he COULDN'T do it again as she wasn't around him

Sounds like she did deal with it at the time.. that doesn't mean she should spend any more time with him!

its not minor, its assault!

"Cheriefroufrou, utterly ridiculous and offensive!"
how? why? to whom?

Your mum shouldn't have been alright with his behavior at all. Why didn't she wipe the floor with him?

Even if he was totally drunk and just did it with out thinking as an unintentional mistake, he should have groveled and aplogised deeply and never acted that way again.