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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my partner going to work

92 replies

Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 20:56

a week after my c section? I might be as I am scared and tired and possibly irrational. Having ELCS on Thursday. Never had a section before, but gather its very painful afterwards. My partner will be on patenity leave officially, but told me today that he's planning to go into work on the following Friday as it is the last day of term and his year six class' last day, and his head teacher "thinks it would be nice" if he was there to do their leavers' assembly.

I want to tell him no bloody chance, but WIBU?

OP posts:
Convict224 · 07/07/2012 21:00

I would discuss it with him and let him know you are fearful. I have never had a section but a week seems very soon. However you may be fine. Perhaps ask him to delay making a decision until you know either one way or another whether you can cope. Got anyone else to help? Good luck.

Flyingwithoutwings · 07/07/2012 21:01

I had an emergency section where they had to be rough, cut wider and "cause more pain and bruising" than for a normal one.
It took me a long time to be pain free but within a week I was certainly able to care for DS and myself, I just had to move slowly.
Can someone spend some of the day with you?
Tbh, you won't be doing anything other than looking after your newborn at that stage. Just make sure you have food for lunch and milk for tea (and plenty of nappies!) and you'll be fine.
Good luck and enjoy your new baby Smile

TheSpokenNerd · 07/07/2012 21:02

yanbu to be scared...mine went back two days after mine....however if it is only one day, yabu.

Lie on the sofa with all you need around you.

KateSpade · 07/07/2012 21:02

Not unreasonable in the slightest. I would tell him 'I would like to see the day you have your stomach cut open and a baby extracted, sewn back together and arrive a week later at school, not going to happen. Thankyou bye'

doublecakeplease · 07/07/2012 21:03

Just for one day? You'll be fine - and amazed at how well you cope :) I had a EMCS in Feb and yes, it's painful for the first couple of days (keep on top of your meds - i didn't as LO was in scbu so I was down there every time they were given out - ouch!!) but as long as you take it easy it gets much better and you should be fine (as long as no complications) to be on your own for a day. Obviously if there are complications with your scar etc then he stays off with you :)

I was discharged after 3 days and travelled 20 mins to hospital every day in a taxi after OH went back to work (to save his pat leave for LO coming home) and sat in scbu on my own - us women are tougher than we think!

Good luck and congrats on your baby!

whosphuckoffy · 07/07/2012 21:03

I had a cs 6 months ago, you will be sore, but 1 week after, just for 1 day, yabu, it's their last day, you can't deny him or his pupils this. Haven't you got anyone else that can pop in and stay with you for a couple of hours? failing that, pre prepare the day before, get him to make you some sandwiches/prepared meals etc and a flask of tea before he goes, it will only be for a few hours.

jendot · 07/07/2012 21:04

Personally I think you will be fine..... I have had 2 csec and for both was very very very sore but mobile and capable within a week.
Get him to pre prepare lunch for you and any other children and have a lazy day infront of the tv. Surely he won't be out longer than school hours...?
Good luck with the section.

Sassyfrassy · 07/07/2012 21:05

I've had two c-sections and would be able to manage a couple of hours on my own after a week. Could you suggest that he goes in just for the assembly and to say goodbye to the students? Year 6 leavers is quite emotional and I can understand why he wouldnt want to miss it.

Flyingwithoutwings · 07/07/2012 21:05

I should add, I was in hospital for 5 days, on morphine (fabulous stuff) for 4 of those days. I came home on the Tues, DH had half days at work from the Wednesday (fairly new job so not entitled to paternity leave). I coped ok.
Hr worked half days for 2 weeks (using a weeks worth of annual leave) and then back full time.

BBisHavingAnotherBBaby · 07/07/2012 21:06

I had an EMCS an am planning on an ELCS with this one, it did hurt but im doing it again, as long as you keep up
With your meds i found it manageable, i was on my feet within 24 hrs and once stitch was out i could move around reasonably well. If you are Really scared could a friend or relative check in on you or help out for the day?

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/07/2012 21:07

You'll be fine. I've had 3 and was definitely fine to be left alone after a week (or 2 days in DH's case)

Good luck!

welliesandpyjamas · 07/07/2012 21:07

Based on having had two c-sections, I would be ok with him going in for just that one day, especially as it is such a special day for the year six leavers. If you're very worried about managing, could a friend or relative spend the day with you? A week after the op is not great but it is a not that bad by then. Just tuck yourself up in bed with lots of nice snacks and enjoy baby :)

FWIW my DH will not be entitled to paternity leave when I have my third c-section in September. He won't have been in his new job for long enough. But that's fine with me. We have a coping plan in place. Also, he'll have two weeks of half term off not long afterwards to spend lots of time bonding with baby to make up for Grin

lightrain · 07/07/2012 21:07

Yep, agree you'll be fine for a day (or is it a few hours even?) after a week. Honestly. Just make sure you take your pain meds as prescribed and you'll be okay. You might even enjoy the time alone with your baby (I did! Loved time with my DH and DC all together, but felt lovely and calm and happy to have just me and DC for a few hours the first time DH left us alone).

arthurfowlersallotment · 07/07/2012 21:07

Yanbu- I had emcs and partner went back to work after two weeks.
That was hard but for me more emotionally than physically.

I was still in pain after a week but considerably less so than the first four days.

Can anyone help you out during the day? Don't do any bloody housework! Get your partner to make lunch for you before he goes to work and rest in bed with baby if you can.

MammaTJ · 07/07/2012 21:08

I think you will be fine for one day a week after CS!!! I was after 1 day because my baby was poorly!! I forced myself to travel 60 miles, I made it to SCBU to visit her every day. Yes, you should cope!!

RandomMess · 07/07/2012 21:08

Won't it just be for a short day ie 9-3pm?

I honestly think it will be good as it well let you experience coping on your own. I think it is ridiculous that paternity leave is for 2-3 weeks and then nothing, far better to have 1 week off and then a further couple of weeks of them part time or day in day off to help you adjust.

Any family you can invite over for the day?

MerylStrop · 07/07/2012 21:08

YANBU but if there is anyone else who can come and be with you, friend or relative, it would be nice for him to go and say goodbye. Not all day, and not if you are in terrible nick though.
(congratulations btw. I've had two Cs and they weren't so bad)

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:08

Thanks for replies - rats, it looks like IABU! I'm scred about the whole thing tbh, but at least the IABU replies also mean that it shouldn't be THAT bad, fingers crossed. I am also scared of being alone with a newborn I think, which is ridiculous, but my son is nearly twelve and I think I've forgotten everything!

OP posts:
DunkyWhorey · 07/07/2012 21:10

YANBU BUT - I think you'll be fine! Physically I mean. Presume you only have one child (or will?) - trust, it will be fine.

ELCS is much, much better from ECS from pain point of view (had both)

x

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:13

Thanks for all the reassurance as well, I am starting to feel a bit emotional thinking about it all, Blush , so it is helpful to hear from people who've done it.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 07/07/2012 21:14

I have had 2 emergency sections and ime the pain isn't too bad and I would've been fine.

I can understand why you're worried though. Can you get someone to stay with you. Or at least pop in.

Good luck and congratulations and hope it all goes smoothly

COCKadoodledooo · 07/07/2012 21:14

My dh went back to uni 200 miles away the week after mine, leaving me with a newborn and 5yo ds1. My lovely mum stepped in and came to stay though so ds1 could still get to school etc. I wasn't 'worried' about going it alone, but it wasn't terribly practical. We'd probably have been grand had it just been me and the baby though.

Have you friends who can drop in with lunch/wine/cake?

QuickLookBusy · 07/07/2012 21:14

I've had two Cs and I do think you'll be ok. BUT I can understand why you feel nervous. Is there a friend or neighbour who you could ask to come around for a couple of hours or who you could phone if you felt you needed someone?

BeatriceBean · 07/07/2012 21:15

You will be fine. On the bright side it looks like you will have him around most of the summer holidays?! Whereas most partners are back at work within a couple of weeks. It will be fantastic bonding time for you all, you will manage a few hours :)

COCKadoodledooo · 07/07/2012 21:15

Blimey. Have just re-read OP. YAB a bit bloody daft! It's one day, and then presumably he's off for the next 6 weeks?