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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my partner going to work

92 replies

Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 20:56

a week after my c section? I might be as I am scared and tired and possibly irrational. Having ELCS on Thursday. Never had a section before, but gather its very painful afterwards. My partner will be on patenity leave officially, but told me today that he's planning to go into work on the following Friday as it is the last day of term and his year six class' last day, and his head teacher "thinks it would be nice" if he was there to do their leavers' assembly.

I want to tell him no bloody chance, but WIBU?

OP posts:
Pozzled · 07/07/2012 21:16

I think YABU not to want him to go in at all, the last day of term is a huge deal for yr6.

I would start thinking about what you can do to lessen the impact just in case you are struggling- can anyone else come and spend the day with you? How long does he need to be in for- not the whole day, I'm sure. If you have other DCs, could they spend the day with a friend? Is his school close by? How would you feel about going in with him just for a couple of hours? The class would love to see the baby, and I'm sure they'd make you comfortable in the staffroom with endless cups of tea. (I know some people would hate this so soon after giving birth, but depends on you and whether you know his colleagues at all).

doublecakeplease · 07/07/2012 21:17

It is emotional hun - I was terrified about becoming a Mum - you'll probably relish having LO to yourself for the day! I found climbing the stairs quite difficult and hated carrying LO downstairs for a few weeks after my CS (just incase - lol) so if you have a downstairs loo I'd get DP to set you up on the sofa (milk it - I would! Lol) with everything you need to hand / near by.

You could use the opportunity to invite your girlfriends / Mum / MIL for the day to help skivvy and make you tea

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:17

I do have friends I could phone, yes, I think I have made too much of it in my head, maybe. Fear of the unknown, I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:20

Big son will be home from school by half three so I hope he will be helpful then

OP posts:
Greenshadow · 07/07/2012 21:21

Of course he has to go into school.

If I was him, I'd definitely feel the need to be there for his class. They will want him to be there and would be awful if he missed their last day. Actually rather surprised he has agreed to miss most of the last week of term - lots of teachers wouldn't.

marriedinwhite · 07/07/2012 21:22

Can your mum help? His mum? Sister? Friend?

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:23

He is entitled to paternity leave though, Greenshadow!

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 07/07/2012 21:25

I can understand why you feel anxious. You're having an operation and a new baby! All at once!

I think to stop you worring you should arrange for someone to come around for at least part of the day. You can then stop worrying about itSmile

marshmallowpies · 07/07/2012 21:26

Provided the op is straightforward & your midwife is happy with your progress (blood pressure, scar healing etc) I would say it will be fine. You should have had your stitches out by then, I'd reckon.

DH must have left me alone for an hour to go out & do a shopping run...and I was certainly feeling pretty mobile after a week, around the house at least.

But I'd say if you can get a friend or relative to pop in to fetch & carry and make tea for you, that would be ideal. I didn't carry DD up or downstairs myself until the second week, for sure.

And if DH can manage it, perhaps he should just go to the assembly and not go into school for the whole day. Get someone in for a few hours to cover for him and you'll be fine.

Greenshadow · 07/07/2012 21:27

Yes Cathy, I know, but must be hard to miss their last week.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:29

Yes, think will organise for a helpful person to come over for the day - sounds like it will be unnecessary from what you've all said, but it might stop me being neurotic worrying!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:31

To be honest, I think harder to miss any of own baby's first week as he doesn't have to! Grin

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 07/07/2012 21:32

Of course he is entitled to paternity leave but be fair, apart from this one (short) day, he'll be at home for six weeks. That's far longer than most people could expect from their partners. Also, it does seem unfair not to allow him to attend his year 6 leaver's assembly. Your 12 year old is quite capable of helping with he gets home and could you not ask a friend to pop in during the day?

Lulaloo · 07/07/2012 21:32

After a week you should be ok just keep on top of the meds if you feel you need them.
I felt very nervous being left with no 3 but to be honest dh going out for a while was the best thing for me, realised I was fine and quite enjoyed it. You will be too.

Velmadaphne · 07/07/2012 21:33

You'll be fine. I'm a single parent, and had DS2 by Caesarean when DS1 was 3.5. My Mum stayed for two days and then I was on my own. I made sure I had plenty of food in, got milkman to deliver milk, bread, cheese etc. I was driving after a week. Let your husband go to work, you can always call him if you really can't cope.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 21:33

I accept IABU about the leavers' assembly...am NOT going to start encouraging him to leave me home alone from Monday though!

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 07/07/2012 21:41

YANBU to feel worried, totally understandable.

However, you will cope.

I have had 3 by CS. It doesnt help to have seen CS on television because as the mother that isnt your view. You will really not see very much (top tip, dont look up into the lights as they have mirrored lenses!). Your view will be a green sheet clipped up on some stands (it wont be ironed by the way, you do find you focus on the trivia!).

You will feel sore after. I didnt realise when I had my DCs that pain relief can be managed. You can take paracetamol then two hours later you can take ibuprofen and then round again. If you are in pain then ask for pain relief. You dont get a refund for not using what is available.

Pain relief seems to come and go in fashions. When I had DD1 (long labour EMCS) all I got was paracetamol. I had DS three years later (ELCS), when the drugs trolley arrived it was like happy hour in a cocktail bar in the 20s (fancy some morphine darling?). 15 months later I had DD2 (ELCS but a flu epidemic causing a staffing crisis), there were so few staff that I think that if you could shuffle to the nurses' station then they would give you the key to the drugs trolley and you could help yourself!

Congatulations and dont worry!

Chundle · 07/07/2012 21:59

Yanbu to want him home with you however I can see that he would want to say bye to his kids at work.

I've had two emergency sections. Both times my babies were taken to special care and both times I was up and about within 36 hrs walking to and fro special care unit to see them. After a week I was roaming the hospital!

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 07/07/2012 22:10

Thanks again for reassuring stories, I have been getting increasingly alarmed as date has got closer! I seem to keep on accidentally googling c section horror stories!

OP posts:
maybenow · 07/07/2012 22:12

i can understand why he wants to go in but can you persuade him to go in just for a few hours - or just the afternoon? you'll be fine but he is entitled to spend that time with his newborn too Smile

gordyslovesheep · 07/07/2012 22:32

YANBU to be anxious - it's scary but I think you will be fine - honestly - I've had 2 sections, both emergency, first one I was fine after about 3 days (sore but not in massive pain, walking, coping with my DD) - second one took about 7 days to totally feel on the mend but again not massive pain and I was mobile within 24 hours

My (now ex) DH brought me back from hospital when DD1 was 3 days old, placed her in her moses basket and went to work - all day - we survived

Flyingwithoutwings · 07/07/2012 22:37

Leave google alone!!! Wink

Flyingwithoutwings · 07/07/2012 22:38

Ask for co codamol and voltarol, that's what I had and it kept me going once I'd left hospital.

gordyslovesheep · 07/07/2012 22:39

I had paracetamol - co-codamol bunged me right up - not good with a scar!

HandMadeTail · 07/07/2012 22:42

Can you get someone else to be with you for the day?

My DD just had her last day of year 6 yesterday, and it's a really big thing.

I know it's a really big thing for you, as well, but I'm sure it would mean a huge amount to those children if your DH were able to be there on their last day.