mil calling dd a little madam

[Becky2011]

It's making me cross, dd is 7 mo & when we all last visited I put dd on the floor to play & she rolled over, so mil called her a little madam

Last weekend dh took dd for a visit without me & when he got back was calling dd a little madam so I know she's been doing it again & it's rubbing off on dh!

I don't like her being labelled this way in a negative fashion as worried it will stick as she gets older. They have already done this with an older gc.

Do I say / do omething or aibu?!

There is no way we can tell what tone your MIL is using. If you're worried it will turn into a perjorative label as your dd gets older, ask MIL to stop it now.

If she's a nice reasonable loving grandma/mum/mil, she won't mind.

I'd hate it, myself, but then I grew up with that label (as yet another criticism on the devil-incarnate personality that they saw in me).

Catsrus from Scotland. Interesting that some people see this as a positive 'independent minded' type name. I'm a southerner.

My dh said she was crying a bit at the visit I didn't go to (she was tired) so I was assuming the comment was in response to her crying.

I hate "little madam" because it has specific connotations for me. I have an ex who uses the term about any female who shows too much independence of thought.

If it bothers you, just tell your MIL, no need to rationalise it, she's your daughter.

Unexpected, that use of alm is :(

I wouldn't like it either. As someone else said it would annoy me used in this context of a baby girl trying to move around and behave normally. She called her that implying she was being "wilful" that's what I'd object to.

Yes I've heard babies being told they're "flirting" too. It makes me want to throw up.

I think the names people use on their children say more about their own perceptions, as akaemma says.

And, as an aside, I would call "over thinking" thinking

I don't think that 7mo is too young to be a little madam, my dd certainly was! She would scream blue murder if the "wrong" person was holding her, and shut up instantly when her wishes were adhered to. Even then she had a very strong sense of what she wanted, and was prepared to shout to get it! She is still a madam, but her temper and stroppiness have not been pandered to so on the whole she has an opinion about everything but also realises that her needs and wishes don't always come first and shouting/paddying can be relied on only to get her sent to her room to cool off!
To be fair though I don't think that rolling over is madam ish in a 7mo, so perhaps a figure of speech?

:o Jamies "I would call 'over thinking' thinking"

Definition: 3.
the woman in charge of a house of prostitution.

• over the years the meaning has be perjorised. So YANBU to put a stop to your MIL calling her 'Little Madam' as look at what it means now!

My STBXH MIL called my DD a little horror. I was appalled and should have walked out but didn't. My DD was only 18 months old at the time and is very strong willed.

It was actually MIL sister who said here comes the little horror so it was obvious that MIL had been saying horrible things about DD.

I kind of agree with 10 9 8 7, as long as this is all done in an environment of love and support its actually quite healthy to teach a sense of fun and teasing, it will certainly arm them ready for starting school/clubs where other children don't have the same self censorship as the carefully selected adults we have surrounded our kids with.

my family have always teased each other incessantly with this type of thing, and we have a closer, healthier relationship than most of the ones I read about on here.

Absolutely mamjo..so agree with your Post.

We all have pet names, I am kanga, dh is eeyore( miserable fit ha ha)

Ds1 is rabbit( worrier) ds2 is tigger( pita) dd3 is piglet( bit shy) and dd4 is roo( baby of family).

Yes am sure we are labellIng and projecting but dss now grown up and seem normal and in our family it's all about teasing, laughing and not taking ourselves tooooo seriously.

Some of the angst and over thinking on mumsnet makes me tired.

My first , it's not like she is calling her a little shit or something.

My dad does this. He calls his grandchildren names thinking that its funny but the kids dont like it n jus ignore him n he doesnt like it.
OP id hav a word with ur MIL but theres probably not much u can do.

This is how I usually describe my own DD. It is said affectionately but she is a little madam, wanting her own way all the time. She is 3 now but has always been like it. I think you are over thinking this.

I call my 9mo a brat/monster most days. Always with affection and cuddling. Usually "oooh, you're a little monster, aren't you, sweetheart?"

Or is he now damaged for life, his sense of self torn to shreds?!

Oh dear I call DS2 bugger pants

Oh dear....
Get
A
Grip
FFS

Ffs get a grip.

YANBU

would wind me up

Say something.

The key to this is that you're not comfortable with it.

Is there any way that you could gently say that actually, that turn of phrase isn't something you like to hear referring to a baby, that you know she doesn't mean anything by it, but you'd prefer it if she found a different way of expressing her affection.

YANBU or overanalysing OP.

MIL calls my niece a little madam. It's not a figure of speech. It's just one thing from a pattern of MIL's behaviour. In her mouth it's nasty and a sign of a woman who doesn't like other women.

MIL doesn't like my niece, my SIL or many other women - me included though I don't get it too overtly because DH pulls her up when he notices it. We don't have a daughter so that doesn't arise either. She stopped giving backhanded compliments - 'You're so lucky to have DH' when I persistently tackled her on it.

Doesn't stop her being sly or making nasty comparisons between me (sensible, hardworking, clever and undemanding) and SIL (a dimwit who leads my BIL a dog's life).

I pull her up about that when I can but I can only do it when I'm there and it's blatant, otherwise she'd accuse me of being over-sensitive, which is one of her favourite insults about other women.

Unfortunately BIL goes along with it because he feels flattered and he's been so brainwashed by his mother that he doesn't respect women, his own wife and daughter included.

Luckily my nephew has developed a habit of asking granny why she's so mean about his sister when she's so nice about him. I think my SIL isn't as dimwitted as granny thinks

She had an awful marriage to a serial philanderer which was long finished before I or SIL came along. I don't know what went on there and I feel sympathy for her, but it's really time she stopped blaming all other women for her husband's behaviour.