mil calling dd a little madam

[Becky2011]

It's making me cross, dd is 7 mo & when we all last visited I put dd on the floor to play & she rolled over, so mil called her a little madam

Last weekend dh took dd for a visit without me & when he got back was calling dd a little madam so I know she's been doing it again & it's rubbing off on dh!

I don't like her being labelled this way in a negative fashion as worried it will stick as she gets older. They have already done this with an older gc.

Do I say / do omething or aibu?!

YANBU to be worried about the effect of negative labelling but I don't think your mil probably means to be doing that and it's just a daft thing to say. But repeating every time your daughter shows independence won't encourage genuinely good traits. I wouldn't like it, having also seen family members trapped into their labels which actually don't fit very well. It is irritating and unnecessary and if you know mil has a tendency to do this, fair enough to resist it obviously enough to show her you're going to keep resisting.

My pil do this a bit and I adopt a passive aggressive resistance because I know bringing it up as an "issue" is overkill in our situation. So I say stuff like, "What a lovely little madam," (obviously not that as ours are boys!). I'm sure other will call that silly but I have an agenda, which doesn't involve my child getting labelled!

Not read whole thread but yanbu. I was called pet names like this growing up and hated it. It was only because I was and still am independent and stuck up for myself against a not very nice older brother. Would never say this to my dd.

I wouldn't personally refer to a child in this way unless they were behaving in a way that made it relivant I would also specify they were behaving like a little madam as opposed to, you are a little madam but I don't think I would get excited or dramatic about it.
So I'm not sure if your being ur or not

Nobody's opinion means anything OP, except yours. If you don't want your dd being referred to as a little madam, that is your choice - you choose what is acceptable around your dd and what isn't

figgy

I understand what your saying Becky about the negative connotations. But she was saying it when she rolled over - she clearly wasn't expressing negativity.

It can be said as a form of endearment, or it can be said as a criticism. The tone of voice makes it clear which is intended.

I grew up in the NW of England, and "little bugger/monkey/tinker" were all used as a jokey term, not a label.

All this "oooh I will never let anyone say anything negative to my child in case it gives her isshoooos" are doing their child no favours in the long run.

Well 'little bugger' for a boy is arguably worse/more offensive! But agree with Elephants it's not really the male equivalent of 'little madam' and I'm still not convinced there is an equivalent negative term to describe the same behaviour/personality traits in boys.

I know there's a danger of over-thinking these things, I'm sure the MIL didn't mean anything by it other than an affectionately joking term, and obviously the little girl doesn't know or care about the implications. So I probably wouldn't have said anything in this case, but I can also see how some find the term a bit jarring.

Like Mother like Daughter .

Squeaky I'm from the north west too. It must be a regional thing!

I would have been annoyed by it once upon a time....now my DDs are 4 and 7 and they ARE little madams.

My dad calls my DS and DN 'ASBO kids' me and DSis just laugh, he doesn't mean it. They are 4!

:) pissworm! New one on me.

I'd also be gobsmacked at little bitch!

Thanks babybythesea, good idea & everyone else for all the food for thought

Yes solesauce, maybe she wishes she could call me that! :) that thought was not lost on me!

I wouldn't necessary take that as negative. But 7 months old is a bit young to be labelled such!! I take it to mean an independent sort of person who does what she wants and is assertive. Not bad things I don't think.

I was called names by my Father. For this reason I guess, in your situation I would fel the same. Thus therapy for me now and I hate labels and pinickerty people.

I HATE IT

Really - my MIL does this and it is always with affection and pride.

I would suggest your MIL is just proud of your dd advancements

I don't like it but but would be more than . It was the kind of thing my DM called me a lot and even as a child I felt like it was an insult. I can see though how the phrase would mean different things to different people.

My DH has some very very close family friends - his 2nd family if you like. The GF equivalent said of my 15month DD as she giggled and laughed "oh look she's flirting" and the GM (equivalent) said "she's a hussy" in not quite a friendly jokey enough tone. I wasn't much impressed with that.

flirting and hussy - dear god, I would have a fit

Haha - never thought about the flirting comments. I say that about my boys because they do literally perk up when they see a pretty lady, open their eyes wide, bat their eyelashes and smile cutely. It amuses me no end as it is obviously purely instinctive and not (let me tell you!) observed behaviour)! Maybe I'm showing double-standards about the labelling, because I wouldn't like the connotations behind a daughter to be called a flirt! Or for that matter the same behaviour in a girl. No-one can prepare you for the humbling self-revelation of parenting eh?

I think it is "somthing people say", but I think people should be aware of the (possibly unintended) messages their language gives. Especially to children, who are very literal-minded

I call my 9 month old a little madam but with affection and love even if its through gritted teeth. Her parents have no qualms about it because they know that when she visits, she knows we are all her slaves. We all laugh about it because she's the first niece in the family. She has the loudest voice but its because she has to make her demands known above her slightly older boy cousins.

I'm from the North as well - and I think of it as term of endearment - actually very positive because it suggests a child with a personality. Given the context I would interpret your MIL as saying it in that way because dd was actively rolling over not just lying there. Terms like "tinker" were similarly terms of endearment when I was growing up - it would never occur to me to hear them as negative - unlike some of the others I've seen on this thread . I think there are regional differences here - is your MIL from a different part of the UK to you OP?

flirting and hussy? i saw that on a television programme where a woman went back to confront her childhood abuser. he said she'd been a little flirt - before she was two.

I have to admit that someone I like can say the same as someone I don't like and I'd have a different response. It's the way it's said as well as the person saying it that influences whether I laugh or get in a huff.... am a total hypocrite it seems...

by the way I meant FIL & MIL equivalents in my previous post

I call my daughter a little madam when she's having a tantrum or being naugty/cheeky. A little brat now that would be bad. I use it in an affectionate way like cheeky money.