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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mil calling dd a little madam

123 replies

Becky2011 · 07/07/2012 14:13

It's making me cross, dd is 7 mo & when we all last visited I put dd on the floor to play & she rolled over, so mil called her a little madam Hmm

Last weekend dh took dd for a visit without me & when he got back was calling dd a little madam so I know she's been doing it again & it's rubbing off on dh!

I don't like her being labelled this way in a negative fashion as worried it will stick as she gets older. They have already done this with an older gc.

Do I say / do omething or aibu?!

OP posts:
Cheriefroufrou · 07/07/2012 14:29

"Posted too soon - if it seems to be sticking long term, I may say to dd after she's been called alm. 'no you're not dd, are you, you're a good girl's or something to that effect"

Look, either say something directly or don't, don't be PA about it THROUGH the child (who if just lying there hasn't been good OR bad so why the sudden praise?)

Mrsjay · 07/07/2012 14:30

becky i think she is just using as a term of endearment honestly if she is still saying it with a tone when you baby is older then say something

MsOnatopp · 07/07/2012 14:30

"When you are called it you feel it as a rejection of your personality

Really? In all cases? Only I recall this expression being used about me as a child (by an aunt who I wasn't overly fond of) and I didn't take it at all seriously!"

"*LeeCoakley because it is usually about a child that is independant minded and said negatively.

When you are called it you feel it as a rejection of your personality*

Really??? Take about overthinking!!"

I was seriously referred to it all the time from toddler to leaving home and still occasionally am. It is always said in a negative way, and my family will openly complain about me being stubborn and independent. (It's their way or no way)

So no, I am not over thinking it.

Figgygal · 07/07/2012 14:31

God my mum calls my 6.5 mo DS a little bugger and I don't bat an eye.......that's maybe cos he is though Grin

Cheriefroufrou · 07/07/2012 14:31

and actually if you TELL the child that she is being told that she is the opposite of good, then it WILL be negative for her, if you don't, it wont!

Original poster
Becky2011 · 07/07/2012 14:32

My dh has also told me to behave, I will, this time :)

OP posts:
Kennyp · 07/07/2012 14:33

I absolutely HATE that expression, A woman i know calls her girl twin daught it constantly, the girl is 3 ffs.

I would say something to mil if she called my dughter that. Having grown up with constant name calling (fatty, thicky, etc) i know how harmful it can be. You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable in my opinion

sparkybabe · 07/07/2012 14:33

I read in someone's biography - her ILs were bouncing a small child and saying something like 'hi hi you little bastard!' - obviously to their own child/grandchild, in their own language.

They were properly shocked when she did the same to one of the kids - in their language. There were obvoiusly nuances of language that she didn't know!

QuickLookBusy · 07/07/2012 14:33

I wouldn't be happy for my dd to be called a little madam.

I would just say " mil, I know you don't mean any harm but I really don't like that phrase. It has a very negative meaning for me and I don't like it."

Just be honest.

Ephiny · 07/07/2012 14:33

She's 7 months old, I doubt she's offended by it! I can kind of see your point about negative labelling, but you're over-reacting a bit at this stage, MIL may well have moved on to some other term of 'endearment' by the time your DD is old enough to care.

It's interesting though, I can't think of an equivalent term that would be used for a boy. Like when I was young 'bossy' was always used to negatively describe a girl, but with no male equivalent for the same behaviour (maybe it's different these days though).

TidyDancer · 07/07/2012 14:36

Gosh yes, YABU. I'm glad you've taken this reaction well!

Like someone said up-thread, pick your battles. It's really such a tiny little thing that she is called this.

Honestly, I think sometimes people search for things to be annoyed about, just because they need to exert the "I'm the parent, therefore I rule" stance. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, OP, just that you need to be careful you don't come off this way.

By all means, say something to your MIL if she actually does call DD something bad, but for a minor little thing like this, I really wouldn't bother.

Northernexile · 07/07/2012 14:36

You are being V PFB about it!

I call my 4mo DD a little madam occasionally when she shouts at me. I do hope I haven't scarred her for life already....

Safire · 07/07/2012 14:37

I wouldn't like it either, I think YANBU but maybe wait a bit to have a word and see if it seems like it's a name that's going to stick.

qo · 07/07/2012 14:38

That's right Northern exile, pour some scorn & ridicule over people who have said it affected them

Sarcasm = lowest form of wit

Birdsgottafly · 07/07/2012 14:41

"a 'little madam' is a small girl with too great a sense of her own importance"

I think that it changes regionally and in families. In my family 'madame' can mean provocative and a rule breaker, but then my GM was a brothel keeper.

I did call my youngest a madame, but in an affectionate way.

The male equivilent is Devil, if you take it to mean strong willed.

It depends on who says this and how/when.

Original poster
Becky2011 · 07/07/2012 14:42

Very funny sparkybabe

Yep she may well move on to something else as dh gets older. Thanks all for the tips & sanity checks!

Interesting point ephiny

Quicklookbusy - yes that would be the right thing to do, but think it would be me over-reacting at this stage. I will try to see it as an endearment!

OP posts:
MsOnatopp · 07/07/2012 14:43

Northern, it affected me because it was coupled with other damaging things. This is just one but it was a general attitude about my independent mind that was not acceptable in a family like mine.

If it is just said once or twice then fine, but if it said often and because she displays independence and a stubborn attitude it could be damaging, especially if daddy joins in.

Original poster
Becky2011 · 07/07/2012 14:46

Yes birdsgottafly your first definition is what I take it to mean too. But guess mil is being affectionate with it

OP posts:
SandraSue · 07/07/2012 14:47

YABU

starpine · 07/07/2012 14:52

no wonder there is so much aggro in the world when endearments are being used to stir trouble within families. maybe your oh should write a script for your clearance before he visits the woman who gave birth to him, just to check you wont be offended. try to remember that your mil loves your baby too and would be very offended if you implied she was insulting her.

Mrsjay · 07/07/2012 14:57

boys are usually called little buggers it isnt a sexist thing where i am from Grin

QuickLookBusy · 07/07/2012 14:58

I think there's a real issue here.

In my family, to be called alm was only reserved for very bad behaviour. I therefore wouldn't want my dc to be called it. I know people who use it and I wince every time, I hate it. Maybe the op is the same, so please don't say she is being silly about this.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/07/2012 15:09

Little madam = headstrong and naughty

round these parts anyway.

I wouldnt like it but not enough to warrant a scene.

I call dd The Beast

BigRedIndiaRubberBall · 07/07/2012 15:59

My MIL splutters whenever I call 15-month-old DS a little pickle.

squeakytoy · 07/07/2012 16:04

honestly cannot see any reason at all to get worked up over something so trivial..