To think dh should apologise to his mother?

[habecath]

We've not been married long. We married abroad with two witnesses from the hotel. Dh's mum lives about 300 miles away (mine are nearer) and she organised a dinner party to toast the wedding. About two weeks ago, his mum told him that we were having a party not a dinner party. Dh is-just to give a balanced story, not the best person in a party and she knows this, she also knows that he hates last minute changes- did not like this. I thought it would blow over, but it didn't and though I pleaded with him and told him we had to go, he just wouldn't budge. Stubborn as he is.
I feel terrible about this. I'm in the process of writing an apology to the woman just to say how sorry I am that things didn't work out. According to my sil, she is in bits. Dh won't budge. I'm fecking ashamed of him to be honest! aibu?

No habecath - you let them give up their time, probably buy gifts, book babysitters, get all dressed up to go to your party, which you didn't go to or give notice that you wouldn't be attending in order to let them cancel their plans. You innitally offended and humiliated your MIL, but you also wasted the time and probably money of the rest of his extended family, they will probably think you'vee incredibly rude to them as well as now think "wow, he treated his mother badly".

Sorry, but I think you are being naive: the excitement in us not showing up would have been more entertaining than a party.

But that is besides the point.

I'd be peed off if the food was not available, though.

You'd be entertained by it? Really?

Then perhaps you're as bad as your husband.

Joins clam....

I agree-the slight is to everyone who turned up to celebrate your marriage with you-only you didn´t bother!

I wouldn't say it was entertaining for everyone who turned up hoping to celebrate with you. I expect they were pissed off & offended.

The way this thread is going I might actually change my mind. I could be reading too much in between the lines but I have a feeling that you might like the drama!?

Actually, as a guest I think I would have been embarrassed rather than entertained!
Don't bother to send anything - the damage is done now.
I feel sorry for your MIL - and that is a phrase you don't often see on Mumsnet!!!

You really are disgustingly arrogant and rude aren't you? It seems as though you and your dh are made for each other.

Agree with those leaving thread - I'll be joining them. I thought you were quite nice and trying to make amends but you're coming across a bit strange now tbh.

I hope you don't become a victim of your charming DH's behaviour in the future when he decides you are manipulating him / asking him to do something he doesn't want to do. And I never understand how people get married without understanding that you become part of your DH's family too.

Anyway, hope it resolves and good luck.

Your DH sounds a right dick

Angelico you may well become part of your partners family, but that doesn't mean you get to reframe the relationship between your partner and their parent.

No, I don't like the drama at all. Not when it involves me.

The drama queens are my dh and mil: him for not going and her for organising a party NEITHER of us asked for.

Nevertheless, I wanted to go when she' organised it and was psyched up for it.
I also don't like to appear bad, although I am not naive enough to think that anybody but his mum will care. All of his family know of their spats.

I think it's probably best not to send a card or do anything. People are right; it won't make a difference to my mil. Best to do nothing.

Wind-up. Identical thread a few months ago.

Agee that it is a wind up

Do some sad people have nothing better to do than make up stories?! Very odd.

Sounds like you have a difficult road ahead!! Good luck!!

I think he may have aspergers or something, he struggles with these social situations and always has. An apology but with a reminder she knows what he's like is the right thing to do, to prevent it happening again!!

Oh dear, only been here a couple of weeks and X posted!! Really? This couldn't be two genuine people with similar problems?

I thought I was having deja vu here.. I knew this had been done before.