To think sending a 14 year old to boarding school because she won't behave at home is wrong?

[Ishouldmindmyownbusiness]

About the size of it really. I've name changed as the details may out me. I'm not going to do anything as its none of my bl**dy business but please allow me a little rant here.

My brother is sending his dd to boarding school as a punishment because her behavior at school and home is so poor. She's fallen in with a "bad crowd , is a bit mouthy and has endless problems with school work and friends. He and SIL made it very clear to her its a punishment and that's where she's spending the last years of her school career - and its not even weekly boarding so she won't get many weekends at home. She's also been told her grandmother (SIL's mum) is paying the fees and will be receiving all her reports and discussing them with her so she'd better work hard.

AIBU to want to cry for my poor DN who I think is anorexic and desperate for attention. I've tried telling my brother I am worried she's showing signs of an eating disorder but SIL phoned and told me in no uncertain terms to butt out and leave her daughters health and discipline to her.

I know as my name says I should mind my own business but I'm so worried for her :(

I dont think it was on a whim dont know and grandmother is involved too so i guess the girl has been acting out for a while, and they are probably tearing their hair out looking for a solution, but sending her away is a punishment isnt right imo it is passing the buck,

The Op know it has nothing to do with her she is just concerned and worried for the girl sometimes people looking in from the outside see things differently ,

Ds is off to boarding school in Sept (his choice). I'm looking forward to not having the nightly homework battles, and the going to bed and staying in battles, and the too tired to get out of bed because he stayed up too late battles. Instead I'll get the fun stuff back and I can't wait.

I might have a slightly different take if anorexia hadn't been thrown into the mix. But the parents sound toxic. How could they possibly be so negligent as to hand over a child with signs of an eating disorder to a school without having explored the issues at home, with professional help. It beggars belief. Mind you, your niece may be better off apart from the parents, but she needs targeted help - before she goes. Poor kid. Please don't mind your own business OP.

I think its awful to make sending a child into boarding school as a punishment. It will destroy any relationship she has with her parents.

I can see that a good boarding school could offer a lot to a troubled teen. If it gets away from drugs and possibly the risk of under age pregnancy then it a good thing. There may be very good reasons that your brother wants to get your niece out of her immediate area.

However it needs to be presented as a fresh start rather than being kicked out of the family.

I agree with you reallytired i think its the whole Punishment thing that people are upset with, sort her out before she goes make it a positive experience dont just write her off as a bad kid before she goes, as i said sending a mixed up kid away could be a disaster for everybody

Too many people mind their own business with disastrous results. As the grandmother on your SIL side is involved and paying the fees do you think some of the motivation comes from her. What do your own parents think could they not talk to your brother and at least get them to tone down the punishment side of things.

This will damage the relationship between your DN and her parents if they don't tread a little more carefully