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AIBU?

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Original poster

That society is unfair about breastfeeding and mums

112 replies

pommedechocolat · 05/07/2012 15:48

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't...

I would define myself as m/c and live in a nice area in the south by the way (although both dh and myself come from w/c parents with the traditional suspicion of bf in all forms for their generation).

With dd1 bf 'failed' and she was ff from 8 weeks. I felt that I was looked down upon for my method of feeding at various baby groups, I also felt very guilty about the choices I'd made as time went on. With dd2 I am still ebf at 18 weeks despite the silent reflux and cmpi she's currently being diagnosed with and the resulting boob phobia we've gone through.

I feel that I am part of the 'club' I'd felt excluded from by ff (and everyone nods approvingly when you say you're bf still) but at the same time viewed as slightly 'icky' when I feed in public (especially as standing up and odd positions etc with the boob phobia). It's strange with parents and ils too as I am the first in either family to even really try bf.

It seems that as women we are expected to lay down everything for our children to give them the best start but to not do it in front of anyone (or talk about the downsides such as leaking, engorgement etc at all).

I'm not starting a ff vs bf thread here just frustrated by societies attitudes to me as a woman on yet another frigging issue as I make my way through life!

OP posts:
MsPaperbackWriter · 07/07/2012 00:44

The point is whatmeworry turns up to try and dispute the benefits of bf and likes to use derogatory terms to people who are bf. It is ironic that she goes on and on about how we supposedly are when she displays so many insecurities about bf and desperately tries to dispute benefits of bf. Some of us are there as we have valid things to say, she goes on and shows how insecure she is about bf

AllYoursBabooshka · 07/07/2012 01:18

So you agree you get het up as much as she does when she posts these things? AKA her opinion.

She has an opinion and clearly you do too, You are no different.

MsPaperbackWriter · 07/07/2012 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

theodorakis · 07/07/2012 07:00

if a midwife tried to bully me over my choices I would take legal action. i hate the sad nod the activists give as long as it because you have had problems and tried your best. Some of us just don't try at all. i couldn't care less what other people do but don't expect me to make excuses for what is my own individual choice. in the end it doesn't really matter as much as people say.

thezoobmeister · 07/07/2012 08:37

Groans ... please don't let this turn into the usual BF-FF bunfight. We're still recovering from the home birth one ...

Peace and love ... support each others choices Biscuit and all that ...

Original poster
pommedechocolat · 07/07/2012 08:58

So theodorakis the fact that we feel compelled to explain and justify our choices is really the symptom that something is wrong I think.

I think my OP probably wasn't worded very well.

I think all the 'people don't give a shit' nonsense that is always reeled out is totally bollocks by the way. i get asked a lot how I'm feeding dd2 by doctors, HVs, nurses, family and friends.

OP posts:
AllYoursBabooshka · 07/07/2012 13:34

:o @ Sock puppet! No, You don't get het up at all do you? :)

MsPaperbackWriter · 07/07/2012 20:38

Ha ha! Sorry to disappoint you dear but no I don't get Het up but I am amused by sock puppets like you. Hilarious!

AllYoursBabooshka · 07/07/2012 21:03

If you think I am a sock puppet why don't you report my post dear?

Or should I report yours? I'm pretty sure troll hunting is against talk guidelines.

:)

maples · 07/07/2012 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsPaperbackWriter · 08/07/2012 01:08

Allyours - I would have to care to report your post, but seeing as I don't I won't, I'm not bothered but if you want to report mine and you are het up go ahead. I'm not troll hunting at all, you are the one trying to get a rise not me.

Whatmeworry · 08/07/2012 09:36

No whatmeworry, FFers get just as het up, yourself included. You pop on every single BF/FF thread and bang on and on

I'd say the evidence on this thread, as per usual , is it's you BF fundies getting het up and banging on and on and casting quite extreme aspersions left, right and centre, just for disagreeing with you.

Kayano · 08/07/2012 09:39

Breast is not always best for everyone. People always forget the individual in the ff/bf debate and it pisses me off

thezoobmeister · 08/07/2012 09:45

Biscuit Biscuit Biscuit

VolAuVent · 08/07/2012 09:47

Spot on, Kayano

Original poster
pommedechocolat · 08/07/2012 10:41

whatmeworry - but that isn't what this thread is about AT ALL. It's about the fact that women are made to feel a bit shit whichever way they feed their baby.

OP posts:
MsPaperbackWriter · 08/07/2012 11:51

There is only one person who is het up - as usual - and it's not the breastfeeding mums!

maples · 08/07/2012 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyFakeNails · 08/07/2012 15:09

As I said in my earlier post I still think that the issue has become way too politicised.

I don't think its the act of FF or BF that actually incites such debate its the connotations each method feeding has developed.

Apart from those initial first feeds I don't believe there are any health benefits to breastfeeding and it was inconvenient so I chose not to do it. My children are older and I wasn't aware of the angst surrounding feeding at the time, but what I think has happened is through the swelling of the topic to being such a big issue, groups with both positive and negative attributes have been assigned to each method and that is why nowadays you will always feel a 'bit shit'.

"Everything has got very heated, and very moralised. How you feed your kids is no longer a personal decision. There's this idea that you can breastfeed your way out of poverty, or if you don't breastfeed your kid's going to be fat or have a low IQ"

JamesMurphy · 08/07/2012 17:08

Some of us have no choice but to FF. I produced less than 1ml after nearly an hour of bruising hand expressing. When I'm asked how I'm feeding my baby I feel embarrassed to say FF, despite my lack of choice, because I have been taught that BF is the right thing to do. It's written on the side of the tub of F I'm forced to use. I feel obliged to explain why I'm FF. I would therefore say society is unfair on this issue. If it wasn't I wouldn't feel so terrible about FF.

Whatmeworry · 08/07/2012 17:58

whatmeworry - but that isn't what this thread is about AT ALL. It's about the fact that women are made to feel a bit shit whichever way they feed their baby.

IME those who FF or Mixed Feed are less likely to judge, as they know what being judged feels like - its the BF extremists who are the real judgeypants, as this thread has already just demonstrated.

Even the NCT has realised this, and is has changed its tone of late.

Original poster
pommedechocolat · 08/07/2012 18:09

But other large swathes of society can make bf in public feel difficult.

OP posts:
MsPaperbackWriter · 08/07/2012 20:19

Rubyfake - how you choose to feed your babies is up to you but it is incredibly ignorant to not at least acknowledge that actually breastfeeding after the first few feeds does make a difference. Of course it does, breastmilk is designed for babies, contains antibodies etc that are simply not present in formula and it astounds me that, regardless of how you chose to feed you can dismiss the facts.

Kayano · 08/07/2012 21:48

Yes there are benefits but there are also downsides and each individual mother needs to be able to make her own legitimate decisions and not be vilified by society, either the anti ffers or anti bfers.

Women need to support each other regardless.

I can easily dismiss the benefits of bf personally because

  1. while I know it is better for the baby, I believe how much better it is is greatly exaggerated.

  2. my mental health (personally) is fragile and could not cope with it

  3. a ff baby is much more beneficial than a shaken baby.

So again. Bf is not always best and you just can't focus ENTIRELY on the needs of the baby however much you wish you could.

This is an issue for women and we should all support each other and stop the petty arguments

IMO

MsPaperbackWriter · 08/07/2012 23:35

Kayano, your opinion is your opinion and I respect that but I was talking about the physical benefits of breastmilk and for me to say it is best is not me trying to put down for ff'ers. The benefits of breastmilk are - IMO - Not as you say greatly exaggerated at all - how can it be when breast milk is designed for a babies delicate stomach and is full of antibodies etc and changes according to the baby's needs (teething, colds, etc). I see the difference between breast fed and formula fed babies (obviously I can't say ALL) and there IS a difference. You will find that the VAST majority of babies admitted to hospital with gastroenteritis are ff, not bf. There is also the stats on other things which we have all read about. I often find that people who ff try to convince themselves that breastmilk doesn't make a difference - people can feed their babies as they like but kidding oneself about the benefits of one way of feeding over another is silly when it is clear that they cannot be compared at all I'm afraid.