To not chase after the fucking dog

[paradisechick]

We have a little west highland terrier. He's 3 and a bit of a pain in the arse. I wasn't keen on the whole dog thing but DH convinced me. It's an escape artist. Since I've been on maternity leave (14 weeks) I've had to search for him no less than 7 fucking times. Once when I was a week of my date he got out of the garden, across the fields and some kind person had him in their garden.

3 weeks ago he got out and was in the field opposite, I had to leg it halfway across said field to get him whilst the baby was sleeping.

Last week I realised he was missing just as I was heading out. Cue a wasted hour driving round the town until somene called me (his number is on my collar) and I went to meet the man to get the dog back. He was really pissed off and shouty at me.

So, my DH assures me he's made sure the garden is secure (again) and this morning I'm hanging out the washing. Dog with me. I came in to make up bottles then went to get the dog in before I sit down for 10 minutes. He's gone.

Baby sleeping, we've got plans today and I don't know what the fuck to do.

The dog obviously doesn't want to live with us. I phoned DH, he swore at me, like it's my fault for leaving the dog outside. DH never walks the dog (as was agreed) so it's not wonder the little shit takes itself out for a run. I didn't want a dog. Why do I have to spend my days running after it?! DH is working only about 5 miles away.

Would it be unreasonable for me to get on with my day as planned, if someone phones saying they've got him I'll pass the number onto DH. Or do I put the sleeping baby in the car and spend another day looking for him?

Neither of you want to walk the dog? Then can't your DH hire a dog walker as he's the one that wanted a dog?

Spero this is AIBU and the poster said she didn't give a shit so she got flamed. Now she has calmed down so have the responses...sheesh

Well done dog lovers! Another poster in tears after you all pile in with your hyperbolic ranting.

Oh climb off your high horse

What part of THE DOG COULD HAVE CAUSED A FATAL CRASH are you not getting Spero?

If we'd all said "YANBU, leave the little shit to find it's own way home" I suppose you'd be happier?

So the OP cried a few tears. The dog is safe, probably (hopefully) hasn't caused and accident and the OP is now thinking seriously of either being more hands on or re-homing.

The tears will dry for the OP because some random strangers have been straight talking with her.

How long do tears take to dry when you find yourself responsible for a fatal car crash?

It's a common misconception that small dogs don't need much exercise - actually it's often the big breeds that are inclined to be lazy and laid-back (though still needing a regular walk) whereas little terriers want to be on the go all the time!

Look, I don't want to flame or rant at anyone here (except maybe the DH!), but it's obvious the situation can't go on as it is because the dog is not safe and the OP is struggling to cope. I think there are two things to tackle - firstly making sure the dog doesn't escape again tomorrow (so things like long lead or tether, supervising in the garden) and then thinking about the longer term.

OP you sound very frustrated with your husband (and rightly so), I'm wondering if this is a pattern of behaviour that he does generally, not taking responsibility and leaving things to you? I think you're right - unless you can convince him that he needs to do more, then you have the choice to take over responsibility for the dog yourself, or tell him plainly that you are looking at rehoming, both for your sanity and the dog's safety. I'm not going to criticise either of those choices, the only absolutely wrong choice here is to carry on as you are IMO.

Mothership if the posters who flamed her had a bit of humanity they would not have done so.

It's just nasty to flame someone who had written a very detailed explanation, in her OP as to why she didn't give a shit.

Us "dog lovers" have only merely pointed out the fact that it is cruel and irresponsible to allow the dog to wander. The OP has recently said she wouldn't actually of done so, and has found the dog. Which is brilliant. Possible disasters averted.

How dare we not think that allowing a dog to wander is not acceptable

And frankly, I think the OP is in tears more so to do with the fact that she is fed up of her current situation. But only she can do something about that. Many people on this thread have given the OP many options.

I was in tears with the whole situation not because a few people saw fit to call me a cunt and a bitch or whatever.

There's a big difference between an escapologist and a dog that will nip a toddler - one does not lead to the other and it's unfair on West Highland terriers to condemn them out of hand. Also, I'm afraid that terriers often are inclined to head for the great outdoors. They hunt. It's what they were often originally bred for and even if they've never done a day's work, you have to live with the breed tendency. Or not, of course. But there's no short cut to making your garden absolutely dog proof. The dog's desire to break out is not evidence that it doesn't want to live with you either. Although it does sound as if you'd be happy to use this as a justification for rehoming it.

I have an escapologist (a JRT) who is absolutely fine off the lead in town. He has excellent recall and does what he is told. Give him the freedom of the fields and woods and it can be a very different story because you can see the joy of the hunt come over him. Dog proofing my garden has been an ongoing task since small dogs can squeeze themselves through remarkably tiny spaces or tunnel under them. Although mine is too daft to realise that you have to dig along rather than just down to Australia...

So your DH needs to do more than occasionally block up another hole, instead, you need a thorough inspection of potential escape routes. Otherwise you'll lose this dog and there's a very good chance that he'll cause an accident in the process. It would be sensible if you inspected the garden too rather than just leaving this to your dh because he doesn't seem to be very capable in this respect, does he? Simply ringing your husband at work isn't going to do much more than offering you a useful opportunity to get cross.

However, it sounds to me as if you resent the dog massively and are reluctant to build any sort of relationship with it. Both of you would be far happier without each other. But if rehoming is impossible then you all need to take some responsibility for the poor thing. Your dh needs to take it out for regular walks and if he's not prepared to do this then it is no wonder that the dog exercises itself.

I'm always saddened when dogs find themselves foisted on people who never wanted them in the first place. There's rarely a positive outcome and, tbh, dogs deserve more.

Round of applause is on its way to you fishy.

I really couldn't give a fuck how much you walk your dog or how well trained it is.

And I did go out and it is back but if you were as good at reading as you are at dog walking you'd know that.

She was at the end of her tether, she has already had to fine the dog 7 times over the past few months, she'd had enough and was venting. Responses did not need to be nasty.

Quick, point out to me EXACTLY where I said it is ok and responsible?

I was actually pointing out that just because the dog does not do as it is told, does not automatically mean it is a threat to a child like you was making out.

"So my dh doesn't walk the dog daily.

I've always been a bit hands off with the dog. But it looks like I'm either going to have to get hands on, carry on like this or re home."

you need to tell your dh that unless he walks the dog every night or evening when he gets home from work the dog goes.

The first instance he does not do this then DO get rid of the dog.

Take the dog in the garden in the day time on a lead untill the fence is fixed.

This weekend, together both you and DH fix the fence, if this does not happen, then come monday DO get rid of the dog.

put some time and effort into the dog have a two week trial if life with the dog is no better then rehome.

Just busy googling 'fatal car crashes caused by errant terriers' er, not much luck so far, will keep trying as obviously they are a daily occurrence and much to be feared.

I love my dog. I don't hate other dogs, but am not 'in love' with them. If one came up to me in the park and bit me, I would happily beat it with whatever came to hand.

What I do object to however is uptight idiots who think they can attempt to terrorise other people into doing what they think is the 'right' thing. Grow up.

I am starting to resent the dog because of him. I've never been mean to him though. Just a bit nonplussed.

Paradise, don't pay any attention. There are angry people everywhere and the angriest are often those who are the most easily hurt. Somewhere along the line they forget that other people are sensitive too. Your husband sounds like he needs to take the dog to work with him. If not, he needs to change his schedule to walk the dog night and morning. If this is not an option for him then there is no room in his life for a dog. You must put yourself first here. I think going ABOLUTELY FUCKING MENTAL would be a good place to start.... BTW it took a lot more than this to get my DH to take responsibility for the dear, sweet dogs. A raging farmer with a shotgun in fact :) x

Paradise,

Ignore the infighting going on above.

Do you like the dog ? Do you want it as part of the family ? If so, you know you can get past this and some of the ideas given above can help with this.

Can you pick a time to talk to your DH when it's not so fraught ? He needs to understand that this is simply part of a bigger issue and that you need a bit of help to get through this time. The dog sounds like it's just part of a burden that has been put upon you. You don't need to suck it all up just because you're the parent at home. Maybe time to remind your husband that it's a partnership.

Anyway OP, why are your 'plans for the day shot'?

It took you less than half an hour to pick up your sleeping baby, take her out of the house, open the car, strap her in, drive round and find the dog.

Surely the thread itself is what's 'shot your plans'?

When this dogs runs around the neighbourhood, shitting where ever it wants, no doubt everyone who sees it is commenting on 'these dog lovers'.

Dog lovers do not have have dogs that do this and don't want irresponsible dog owners causing accidents and acting in this manner, giving everyone who owns a dog a bad name.

That is aside from being cruel to any living creature by deliberately not meeting it's needs.

Just busy googling 'fatal car crashes caused by errant terriers' er, not much luck so far, will keep trying as obviously they are a daily occurrence and much to be feared.

Then try googling 'car crashes caused by animals running into the road'

You might have more luck