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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my husband didn't bring any flowers into hospital

91 replies

helenlouisey · 01/07/2012 15:19

When I had our DD last month most of the other dads I saw brought flowers or balloons or something into the hospital but my husband didn't bring anything or any when we got home. I know I should just be grateful we have a much longed for healthy baby and believe me I am grateful, its been a long journey taking us nearly 3 years to have her and loosing 2 babies along the way, needing three operations and a failed IUI and IVF, only to eventually conceive naturally. I just feel it would have been a nice gesture from my husband and somehow just feel he should have said well done or you did brilliantly or something along those lines, just feeling a bit unloved.

Sorry I know I'm just sleep deprived and hormonal but am sat here crying just typing this and wonder whether I'm just being unreasonable ?

Thanks x

OP posts:

blueglue · 01/07/2012 15:21

Yes, I think that you should probably forget about it. You have a lovely new baby - what do you need flowers for? More things to faff around with and clear up. Plus flowers are banned in certain hospitals/wards. I expect that it didn't even occur to your DH.

valiumredhead · 01/07/2012 15:22

My dh didn't either iirc, wouldn't have been allowed in the hospital anyway.

fireice · 01/07/2012 15:22

Do you usually feel OK about him?

I wouldn't have wanted my DH to bring flowers into hospital as I knew I wasn't staying long and it is enough hassle bringing everything home without something extra to carry - could he have been thinking similar?

exaltedwombat · 01/07/2012 15:22

Not unreasonable to feel like you do. But unreasonable not to realise it's just the stress and the hormones, and he's done nothing wrong!

Congratulations! Is he pleased as well, and a proud father? Good!

shushpenfold · 01/07/2012 15:24

Aww - I remember those hormones well! Your dh has been a bit unthinking, but he's probably in shock, as my dh was for about 2 years!!

If it makes you feel any better, my dh brought me flowers last week (lovely man) and said that he bought my favourite - lilies......except that my favourite has been roses, for 42 years and definitely for the 17 years we've been married! He loves you and your new dd....congratulations xxx

takingiteasy · 01/07/2012 15:24

My DH brought in flowers for the lovely midwife that was with us through delivery and a packet of cookies for me! My MIL did bring flowers, she did the first time as well, and they just got in the road to be honest.

Don't dwell on it, enjoy your baby!

rogersmellyonthetelly · 01/07/2012 15:24

This happened to me with dd. he Just didn't think. I can pretty much guarantee he wont make the same mistake this time. I didn't nag, I just said quite bluntly that after I have been sick/fat/uncomfortable for 9 months and laboured for 24 hours in agony to have our baby, the least he could do was to buy me some flowers and write on a bloody card. I think he got the message.

Meglet · 01/07/2012 15:26

They are banned in lots of hospitals though. I wouldn't take flowers in this day and age. Balloons get in the way too. I was happy with a weekend paper and some brie.

You're not being unreasonable though, just emotional and tired!

Congratulations on your new baby.

cheeseandmushroomtoastie · 01/07/2012 15:27

My DH didn't bring me flowers, but brought me two boiled eggs in the morning so I could have them with the toast in the morning. I was starving and they would offer cereal and toast... That in my opinion was MUCH better than a bunch of flowers

ontheedgeofwhatever · 01/07/2012 16:29

DP didn't with DD and I really don't expect him to with this one in a few weeks time. Actually I'm not sure he'd know a flower if it got up and hit him in the face. However he's brilliant over the things that matter - right now he's taken DD out to the park so I can mumsnet rest which matters far more to me than flowers

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/07/2012 16:33

Do you know that the other flower-bringing dads had bought them themselves? Quite likely they were gifts from other people. I got flowers from family (not husband) when I had first baby, but it was fairly pointless beccause baby was in SCBU for a week so they were mostly dead by the time I got home.

My husband did not buy flowers or balloons. He did, however, get up with me in the night to change nappies / settle baby even though he could have stayed in bed (I was breastfeeding). That was more important to me.

Trills · 01/07/2012 16:39

YABU, yes.

Flowers are not important.

There are many ways to show someone that you love them. Flowers are just one way.

RokerFace · 01/07/2012 16:41

Aw, I know exactly how you feel sweetheart. My husband didn't bring flowers or anything to me when our DS was born and I felt so upset. I think you can feel a bit forgotten about tbh, your hormones are everywhere, everyone else seemed to have an easier birth than you and now you're just expected to get on with it - you just want a bit of tlc and recognition.

He probably did forget / didn't realise the importance you might have attached to the guesture but don't be so hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. Get him to give you a bit hug when you see him and I'm sure he'll start telling you all the things you need to hear. If he doesn't, gently explain that you're feeling a little overwhelmed and need a little bit of reaasurance.

Congratulations on your baby daughter, enjoy her and enjoy each other x

Figgygal · 01/07/2012 16:43

Forget about it honestly it's the hormones ...I didn't have flowers from my dh didn't even think about it tbh I would have been far too busy to even notice them before they croaked anyway

Rosebud05 · 01/07/2012 16:47

Hmm, I wonder if the trauma and distress of the last 3 years is catching up with both of you?

However pleased and relieved you both are to have a healthy baby in your arms, it doesn't take away from the pain of the journey to get her.

Our first dd was stillborn and, when dd2 arrived, my dh was still very much caught up in processing his own strong emotions - including disbelief that dd2 had arrived safely - to have much room to think about me.

Maybe you need to find some sort of way to talk about how you feel with him? The joy of a healthy baby is different if there's a traumatic history - no less joyful but definitely more complicated.

MrsMcEnroe · 01/07/2012 16:52

Congratulations on your new baby

Just focus on that. You've been through so much together - he's probably just as relieved, emotional and overwhelmed as you are, and it wouldn't even have occurred to him to buy you flowers - and frankly, why would it? - you've just had a hugely longed-for BABY, why do you need FLOWERS??!

My DH didn't buy me flowers either, but he spent both labours with me, went without sleep for 24 hours each time, and willingly shared the night feeds from day 1, without being asked. The lack of flowers really didn't matter!

Gettheetoanunnery · 01/07/2012 16:53

He probably had a lot on his mind and didnt think.
Only my mil brought me flowers but I didn't really mind as I don't think it's good to bring flowers to hospital

rainydaysarebad · 01/07/2012 16:54

Cheeseandmushroomtoastie - we must share the same husband! I was going to write the exact same thing! Don't worry OP I'm sure it's just your hormones playing up! I didn't get flowers or a balloon either (although a few weeks earlier he had asked me where to get an inflatable balloon from fr the hospital!) but I did get 2 boiled eggs and brown toast and a thermos of hot chocolate for 4 days I was in hospital and that was much more better than flowers.

DiscoDaisy · 01/07/2012 16:57

With my DC4 I had a 6 hour discharge as I wanted to get home to our other 3 children. As a result I got a kebab and 4 tins of lager ( I only drank 1 ) rather some flowers. I never realised how much I loved my OH until that moment!

CurrySpice · 01/07/2012 16:58

Oh OP, I think I would be upset too. A card saying how proud he is of you and thanking you for giving him a beautiful daughter wouldn't have been too hard surely.

Does he know how upset you are?

My guess is that he has no idea and will be upset when he finds out. Tell him

And congratulations of your new DD :o

valiumredhead · 01/07/2012 17:05

Is he the sort of dh that does cards and flowers usually? Maybe it just didn't occur to him.

AmberNectarine · 01/07/2012 17:07

I got so many flowers after my two, I was sick of having to put the bastard things in vases. In fact when DS was born we had to go out and buy four bloody vases, as we just didn't have enough.

DH didn't get me flowers either time. What he did do was run me lovely baths, keep me supplied with food, drink and glossy mags, and basically make sure I didn't have to move my arse off the sofa for a fortnight which was worth all the tulips in Amsterdam.

As long as your DH is looking after you in all the important ways, you're not doing too badly. I'm quite sure he loves you to bits and is very proud of you. Enjoy your snuggly newborn and stop stressing about flowers, my DD is one in a week - it goes in a flash!

skateboarder · 01/07/2012 17:09

My dh didnt get me flowers when any of our dc were born. I love flowers and tbh i was upset about it. Make sure you let him know so he understands why you are upset so yanbu!

McHappyPants2012 · 01/07/2012 17:10

I was upset that dh didn't bring flowers ect on pfb spoke to my mum about it and with a joke tone said well what did you buy him. First time I laughed in weeks

valiumredhead · 01/07/2012 17:11

We really shouldn't need flowers to let us know that our partners love us. They are a nice thing but really, we should know our other halves love us.

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