To be upset my husband didn't bring any flowers into hospital

[helenlouisey]

When I had our DD last month most of the other dads I saw brought flowers or balloons or something into the hospital but my husband didn't bring anything or any when we got home. I know I should just be grateful we have a much longed for healthy baby and believe me I am grateful, its been a long journey taking us nearly 3 years to have her and loosing 2 babies along the way, needing three operations and a failed IUI and IVF, only to eventually conceive naturally. I just feel it would have been a nice gesture from my husband and somehow just feel he should have said well done or you did brilliantly or something along those lines, just feeling a bit unloved.

Sorry I know I'm just sleep deprived and hormonal but am sat here crying just typing this and wonder whether I'm just being unreasonable ?

Thanks x

Oh yes ontheedgeofwhatever - the DH who takes the kids out so you can have a nice relaxed sunday afternoon to yourself completely wins. Actually I must make sure to tell DH later how very, very much I appreciate him taking the just-turned-twp-year-old and the 4.5 month old off to SIL's for the afternoon! Flowers could never compete with that : )

OP, you're undergoing massive hormonal changes and sleep deprivation, you're allowed be unreasonable if you want! But for the next few weeks, try not to take anything to heart, just relax and get through it.

I didn't get any flowers, just seeing him cuddle our newborn was more than enough for me. However my brother sent me a m&s baby girl gift set, he's in Afghanistan that made me cry for about 2 days!
He's probably still in shock and not thinking too much about things. As long as he showers you both with love, you'll be ok. Dh had a bit of a cry last night about becoming a father, he's been in shock (he was by my side all the way through), and it's been nearly 6 weeks!

Ha! It really wouldn't have crossed my DP's (now DH) mind to bring flowers, or any other sort of gift either time. I don't think he commented at all on how well I did with DC1, but with DC2, at least he did say "well done" just before he left the hospital. (I was so grateful for that nugget .)

Although after commenting on my grey roots when I was in the final throes of labour, he should have been bringing me a bloody florist shop to make up for that one.

But really, stop worrying about it. As long as he is generally kind and good with your baby, that's all that matters at the moment.

I gave my ex three babies and not once did he bring me a fucking balloon.

Bloody flowers every time.

Yes, I was inwardly ungrateful but he didn't listen to me when I asked for a balloon - that's what rankled. I still bring it up to take the mick out of him to this day.

When I had my first child I was in a room with three other women - all first time mums. We all gave birth on the same day. The next day the relatives arrived. Her mum came in and gave her a huge hug and said, "You are so BRAVE." The rest of us burst into tears because nobody had said that to us.

What's your husband like normally? Does he show that he cares for you? If he does, the flowers don't really matter; if he doesn't, it wouldn't matter how many flowers he brought you.

Most hospitals ban flowers

Mine bought me food from M&S

I was expecting a beautiful ring let alone flowers....he still looks odd when i ask him when he is going to get me one! He will owe me too soon.

I think it depends. Are cards/flowers/balloons normally important to you? Do you send cards to each other at any occasions or very very rarely?

If they are part of a 'normal' way of marking an occasion, then maybe YANBU.
If they aren't, then YABU.

but tbh, giving some flowers etc... to you because of you have carried a baby for 9 months and being in labour .... I can't see the point. Surely, this is something you have been through together. You have been through loosing 2 babies together. I am sure this has been a real roller coaster for him too.
You have been going through all that together and I would expect being supporting each other too. Isn't that a proof enough that he cares? Or ave thought of giving him a card too for his support?

Did you prime your husband to produce flowers and a present? I had to explain the whole concept of getting your wife something when she gives birth, otherwise I wouldn't have got anything.

Could you suggest that you both get each other something to mark the occasion? I got my DH some stuff, he got me a necklace. We had similar problems ttc to you, so it was nice to get something for him after all the support he'd given me.

I got a pint of milk brought in after I had DD1 he thought it would be good for breastfeeding!!!
After feeling fed up at not having a bouquet I noticed it started a trend cos the hospital food was awful

@ explaining the concept of getting your wife something when she gives birth. Did you present a PowerPoint?

I don't think the OP's being unreasonable, but if he's just a normal bloke who didn't think about it, I don't think it's a problem. If it's symptomatic of deeper problems, then of course she's right to be upset.

Congratulations!

My dh bought nothing. It really doesn't matter, like you say, you have a lovely healthy baby. Let it go and enjoy!

My hospital didn't allow flowers in the ward anyway

We stopped at the florist in hospital reception and I said "Can we get some flowers ?" DH said "Sure, do you want to choose some ?" So, I chose a beautiful though modest bunch and we took dd home !!

You could wait forever for my DH to be romantic most of the time !

Congratulations!
What about thinking of something you would really like, jewellery perhaps and suggesting your DH gets you that to mark the birth. DH did turn up with presents for me a week or two after our babies when he had time to think about it!

You're not allowed bring flowers into hospitals anymore.

Congratulations!

DH didn't bring me anything apart from a much appreciated coffee and M&S sandwich iirc. That was a very good thing as frankly all the stuff that we had to carry due to my somewhat over the top hospital bag (DVD player , magazines, novels to help labour pass), the Bounty packs, oh and DD would have made carrying much else difficult!

I got bugger all and it had taken us 8 years to finally get a dc.
He did manage to feed the cats whilst I was in hospital but he hadn't managed to clear up the carnage of my water breaking so I had to come home and step over the towels strewn all over the floor. Lovely. MIL did bring me a pot of cheap handcream she had had sitting in her bathroom for 10 years plus so that made up for DH's crapness.
It still rankles so YANBU.

I was presented with a Venus Fly Trap - not sure what it says in the meaning of flowers dictionary!

mines like that. everything is great after quite a struggle but it wouldn't cross his mind. whne you next see some flowers, buy them for yourself! and have no guilt. get a huge bouqet and tell everyone it's your treat to yourself

Congratulations on your new arrival
The money he saved on the flowers could be used BY YOU to get whatever treat you fancy. Maybe a lovely new top to fit whatever size you need post baby. Or some posh toiletries.

My dh is not into buying me much, no rings or flowers or balloons. but then he doesn't mind me spending the money he earns so now I treat myself occasionally.

Sometimes dh s just need telling though. My first mothers day dh did nothing as he thought it was silly with just a baby. I did explain that this upset me and he has got a present every since, now the kids are older they choose absurd things with him which I love.

I didnt get flowera either from Dp so you are not alone. I did get lots of chocolate, drinks and food though thats good enough for me!

My FIL got me gorgeous flowers when we got home so i cant complain too much :)

Congratulations.

DP brought me in a four pack of kiwi fruit - I ate them all the time when I was pregnant. They all got thrown away, I just didn't fancy them anymore after DS was born - and six years down the line rarely eat them now.

Oh, and some nipple shields...

Some partners routinely and regularly do flower giving. Others don't. It's not a case of being uncaring but almost certainly of not assuming you'd expect them. Also, flowers are not allowed in a lot of hospitals nowadays. I'd not brood on this OP, especially if your dh is caring and thoughtful in other ways.

It never occurred to my ex-dh to bring flowers after I'd had ds1. But he did fetch up during visiting hours the following day and triumphantly announced that he'd brought me something I'd appreciate much more. It turned out to be a pint of real ale in a glass covered with cling film that he'd managed to carry on two bus journeys without spilling a drop. I was impressed, even if most of the other new mothers looked a tad surprised as they peered out from their forests of flowers and balloons.

I didn't really get anything from anyone including DH when I had DS1 as he was very premature. I think people weren't prepared and also weren't sure whether the news was a celebration really as he was very small and in intensive care. I understood but it did just feel like one other thing that we'd been robbed of.

I am due with DS2 at the end of this month and am looking forward to (hopefully) being able to celebrate his birth properly and getting some nice cards etc. I even wondered aloud to DH about the possibility of an eternity ring (said something about it being traditional on the birth of your first child which obviously i'd missed out on) - I think I planted a seed there but we'll see!

I have to say though that cards, presents and flowers etc are just gestures. Nice gestures, but gestures all the same. To me it is far more important to get to take my baby home from hospital and celebrate him with DH than any number of trinkets though some more diamonds would be lovely