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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my husband didn't bring any flowers into hospital

91 replies

helenlouisey · 01/07/2012 15:19

When I had our DD last month most of the other dads I saw brought flowers or balloons or something into the hospital but my husband didn't bring anything or any when we got home. I know I should just be grateful we have a much longed for healthy baby and believe me I am grateful, its been a long journey taking us nearly 3 years to have her and loosing 2 babies along the way, needing three operations and a failed IUI and IVF, only to eventually conceive naturally. I just feel it would have been a nice gesture from my husband and somehow just feel he should have said well done or you did brilliantly or something along those lines, just feeling a bit unloved.

Sorry I know I'm just sleep deprived and hormonal but am sat here crying just typing this and wonder whether I'm just being unreasonable ?

Thanks x

OP posts:

Snowboarder · 01/07/2012 19:28

I also think it depends how 'good' your DH is generally. If he is fab in every other way and is doing a great job of supporting you with the baby then I would look at the lack of flowers as an oversight. If he is generally a bit rubbish I would probably be more annoyed though.

Snowboarder · 01/07/2012 19:32

Pandemoniaa , your DH sounds like a real sweetie!

Snowboarder · 01/07/2012 19:34

Just realised he's an ex - oops! Possibly not a sweetie then. I would still have appreciated the real ale though

scotgirl · 01/07/2012 19:36

Did he bring you anything nice at all - say to eat? It doesn't have to be flowers or other crap from the hospital gift shop to show that he was thinking of you. That would show he was thinking of you.

For DS1 my DH made home made pizza and flask for freshly squeezed carrot and ginger juice!! For DS2 though, he was in such a flap with having DS1 and getting ready for us, all I got was a hug! Was your DH in a flap about getting things ready at home?

MaliceAlice · 01/07/2012 19:37

My DH would never think to buy me flowers, but I have never felt aggrieved by this because he does so many other lovely things for me that show me that he loves me and cares for me.

Could it be less about the flowers and more about other things OP?

higgle · 01/07/2012 19:38

mine brought champagne and a steiff teddy for ds1 but no flowers and no baloon ( and all the other mothers had baloons on their doors). He did buy me a very expensive eternity ring afterwards, but I've not forgotten the lack of flowers 21 years on!

KitCat26 · 01/07/2012 19:41

Congratulations!

My DH didn't do cards or flowers to the hospital (or on return).
Frankly it would have been a bit of a faff carrying it all back down again the next day when we left. Come to think of it there were no flowers on the ward at all and they would have wilted in the heat of the maternity ward anyway...

I did hint at an eternity ring well in advance though. and bid on it at the auction for him. I like to be proactive .

WhiteWidow · 01/07/2012 19:48

YABU.

Yeah it would have been nice, but he was probably more bothered about seeing you and his baby rather than going buying flowers that 1. Shouldn't be allowed on wards anyway and 2. Remind me of when people have done something wrong

WhiteWidow · 01/07/2012 19:49

But congratulations, very happy for you

GreenEggsAndNichts · 01/07/2012 19:49

I didn't get flowers from my husband, or anything like that. I did, however, get loads of support from him, lots of him running back and forth to get things I needed or that he thought I could use while I was recovering from blood loss/ transfusion. And he has since been an incredibly hands-on father, doing more than his share of the nappy changes, bath times, whatever, he does it and doesn't view it as 'helping me', rather as things he should be doing as DS's dad.

So. In the scheme of things, I'm okay with not getting the flowers. :)

CoffeeDog · 01/07/2012 19:52

My Dh brought in the entire selection of maccy d's breakfast after i had the twins ...... just in case i was hungry ;)

icepole · 01/07/2012 19:54

I think yanbu. It's not about the flowers, it's about being thought of. My dh was the same and I felt sad when I saw everyone else on the ward being made to feel special. Can you treat yourself in some way?

sunflowerseeds · 01/07/2012 20:03

Morning after traumatic delivery of ds my in-laws visited and said they'd bought flowers but forgotten to bring them. I asked what they were and Fil said Sweet Williams.When I finally got them, 3 days later, they were red carnations, which I hate. I said they were lovely so they've given me several more lots over the years. Tell your dh you'd have loved flowers so he knows another time.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 01/07/2012 20:13

No flowers for me either!!

dd was born at 4pm on Christmas Eve though... I did get a welcome Christmas dinner the next day though :)

I still bring it up to dh and dd will be 11 next birthday!

Original poster

helenlouisey · 01/07/2012 20:26

Thanks everyone, I am feeling a little better and less hormonal after a nice sleep.

I think that those of you that suggested the trauma of past three years is catching up with me is definitely true. It's funny how little things that really don't matter and shouldn't matter, really hurt sometimes. I think it doesn't help that yesterday I found a beautiful card that my DH gave me after the birth of our DS (also very traumatic, 2 months early & i was very poorly after) and he'd written a really heart felt message in it, this time nothing :(

Am just going to try and forget it & try & get some more sleep as things always seem better then.

Thanks again everyone for helping me put things in perspective

OP posts:

JoannaFight · 01/07/2012 20:30

Aww yanbu! My dh also didn't when I had dd1. He was very much of the 'we did this' pov. Which 'we' did, but it was me that did the tough bit at the end

I think he was so overwhelmed with her that he sort of forgot much else..I said I'd like some squash and he brought in the half used sticky bit lurking in the back of our kitchen cupboard. Sigh..

I did used to mention it from time to time, in a sort of jokey way. I think he got the message because when I subsequently had dt's the flowers he gave me must have cleared out the flower shop

Some men are very practical. No bad thing at all, I like that and hate a fuss and big gestures usually, but post birth and hormonal..I wanted FLOWERS!

Many congratulations helen Make sure you have a nice treat now you're home. Do talk and tell him you feel bit fragile and need to be made to feel special. Some men need to be told in big neon letters..

edwinbear · 01/07/2012 20:35

Congratulations on your baby! DH didn't bring me flowers when he came to hospital after I had dd - and he hadn't been with me for her birth either. I think he was so desperate to come and see us both he didn't want to waste any time stopping to buy flowers! I was also due to come home the same day so it would have been a bit of a waste. He did however, buy me a humungous diamond eternity ring the Christmas after she was born which more than made up for it. You never know, he may have something special in mind.

edam · 01/07/2012 20:43

Congratulations! Sorry you are feeling unappreciated. Given that you've just had another baby together, I assume your dh is generally quite a nice guy and not a complete tosser? YADNBU to want a sign of appreciation for everything you've been through (yeah, I know it's been hard for him too but not half as intense and physical as your part). Hope he remembers to make a nice gesture very soon. Doesn't have to be flowers but some way of saying 'thank you' would be nice.

hope004 · 01/07/2012 20:54

Dh didn't get me anything either. Guess they just don't think.

VolAuVent · 01/07/2012 21:05

I expect the flowers/balloons could well have been from other people. You had a baby a month ago? Congratulations! At this stage yes you'll definitely be sleep-deprived and hormonal. This might just be a symptom of those things. How about just telling your DH you need some TLC? Or if you'd like flowers, say that you'd really like some flowers to look at and could he bring some tomorrow? Sometimes you do have to spell it out

AfternoonDelight · 01/07/2012 21:20

DP didn't get me anything with either DC. I have to nag him to get me flowers!

Minshu · 01/07/2012 22:44

It never seriously occured to me to expect flowers or any other type of present from DP immediately when DD was born. Surely she was enough, and the support he gave me was far better than flowers. Anyway, he was supplying chocolate.

And when he did buy me flowers a week or so later, I was furious with him as I couldn't see the point of having pretty flowers when the house was such a tip (I blame the hormones)

Christelle2207 · 01/07/2012 23:08

My dh has only ever bought me flowers once. We don't have dc yet but if we do I don't expect him to get me any. i like flowers, but if I came to it I think I'd just be happy that one of his little swimmers made it.

HeadfirstForHalos · 01/07/2012 23:21

My friends dh brought her flowers, card, a balloon, a week later he left her for the woman he'd been sleeping with for 6 months. My dh didn't bring anything like that, he did bring me any choc/crisps that I asked for. But he did come every day with each of the dc, and with the older 3 brought the other dc. I didn't want anything more than his support.

Still I'm not a flowers/cards type of person.

whiteandyelloworchid · 02/07/2012 00:32

Tell you what i Do,buy my own.

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