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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my husband didn't bring any flowers into hospital

91 replies

helenlouisey · 01/07/2012 15:19

When I had our DD last month most of the other dads I saw brought flowers or balloons or something into the hospital but my husband didn't bring anything or any when we got home. I know I should just be grateful we have a much longed for healthy baby and believe me I am grateful, its been a long journey taking us nearly 3 years to have her and loosing 2 babies along the way, needing three operations and a failed IUI and IVF, only to eventually conceive naturally. I just feel it would have been a nice gesture from my husband and somehow just feel he should have said well done or you did brilliantly or something along those lines, just feeling a bit unloved.

Sorry I know I'm just sleep deprived and hormonal but am sat here crying just typing this and wonder whether I'm just being unreasonable ?

Thanks x

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 02/07/2012 00:40

Just realised he's an ex - oops! Possibly not a sweetie then

He had his moments, Snowboarder - and that was one that I appreciated!

localcrackpot · 02/07/2012 01:21

DH didn't buy me flowers, balloons or a card. He was my birth partner and held me while I screamed for 10 hours, watched me nearly die, told newborn DD that it would be ok, slept on the floor of my hospital room that night, looked after me while I recovered, looks after me and dd still (as I look after him)...

I suppose my point is that it would seem odd to me. Don't get me wrong, flowers are always welcome! But a card would be odd, because he was in the thick of it. He didn't get me an "on your wedding" card either, because he was the groom

WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 08:07

I don't get why people expect them and are affronted when they don't...

minimisschief · 02/07/2012 08:26

i never got any flowers for my partner. i had better things to worry about such as making sure she had everything, the fridge was stocked and family members told

Lueji · 02/07/2012 08:33

Flowers and words on paper are easy and mean nothing. What's important is how much support he gives you. And if he's there for you when you need him.

TheSpokenNerd · 02/07/2012 08:34

OP my DH had to be told to get me something...he went back to my Mums after I had DD by emergency c section and then when he wasgetting ready to go back, my Mum said "Did you get her any flowers?" and he was all NO! and ran off to get some....sometimes the stress of birth etc makes them forget these things.

WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 08:35

My ex was an abusive nobhead and got me flowers all the time.

DP now is amazing but has never gotten me flowers. Although he did come home with a pair of Iron Fist heels and a red Nintendo 3DS for me a couple of weeks ago...

whitelillies · 02/07/2012 08:48

The day before I went into labour dh sat on my sunnies and smashed them- I wasn't particularly bothered by it but after ds was born he arrived into the hospital with a pair of designer shades it was probably the most surprising and unusual baby gift I reckon he was shocked ( twas a long difficult labour ) sleep deprived and emotional. I wouldn't have expected it really. A few months later he surprised me with a lovely necklace- he was super at hugs and sitting up holding ds upright for hours on end (ds was a right puker) and generally being loving and supportive - which meant now than anything really.
I wonder if you re more upset by his overall reaction not lack of actual flowers. If so have a chat about it I m sure he s just a bit overawed by the whole momentous event and adjusting too. Bet he ll come good ins few days

hackmum · 02/07/2012 08:56

I know how the OP feels. My DP didn't buy me flowers (or any other gift) when DD was born. The thing about allowing them in the hospital is irrelevant - you can buy flowers and give them when you're both back at home. I was a bit upset because other women I know got flowers and rings. Also, other people did send me flowers, including my former work colleagues.

I must admit I was extra upset because my dad, who lived quite a long way away, decided that Interflora was too expensive, so he got my DP to buy flowers on his behalf, which he (my dad) then paid for. So I thought he was being cheapskate too.

In the long run, of course, it doesn't matter, you have many long years of parenting in front of you, and some men just don't understand that these things matter. But it hurts at the time.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 02/07/2012 09:06

DP bought me a lovely beanie (winter hat thing) as I'd lost mine the previous winter, my mom and sister where a bit about it, but it still makes me think of DD every time I wear it.

We were in for 6 days and he only left my bedside when the nurses kicked him out. Except for one day when my sister could only visit outside of normal visiting hours, so he agreed with the hospital that she could come and see me instead of him for a few hours. He's not normally the flowers, big gestures type, but both meant more to me than any present could.

CasperGutman · 02/07/2012 10:43

I didn't buy my wife flowers when she gave birth in May. The baby arrived in the night. I stayed until I had to leave, went home, slept for a couple of hours then went straight back to the hospital. I could have bought flowers before going, but it would have added half an hour to the trip. I would either have arrived 30 minutes later or had 30 minutes less sleep, and neither seemed a good idea.

I did get her a nice new handbag though.

imnotmymum · 02/07/2012 10:46

Depends how he is in general and what you expect. My dh would not dare to not get me something as I am an high maintenence !! No seriously buy some for yourself and then thank him for the lovely flowers !! and congrats x

porcamiseria · 02/07/2012 12:05

aww, massive congratulations !!!!

you and YABU to be upset about this, really! would not occur to most people

baby blues my dear, all the crazy emotions xxx

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 02/07/2012 17:12

It doesn't have to be flowers Casper - sounds like you did OK to me

lateSeptember1964 · 02/07/2012 17:31

My husband brought me a Christmas tree with a plastic robin stuck on it! DS1 was born just before Christmas so hubby thought it would be a good idea. Twentyone years later it makes us laugh. He never brought flowers but he is a wonderful husband and father and that is far more important.

2rebecca · 02/07/2012 17:59

My exhusband was up all night with me with both births so not in any fit state to go shopping. I'm surprised so many women don't view the birth of a baby as an event that happens to both of you. OK he didn't have the pain but he definitely didn't have any easy time. He came in to help me with the babies, and look after the first with the second when not in labour suite. Buying flowers was for people not involved in the birth. I don't think my hospital allowed them anyway. I also saw any flowers given as for both of us not just me, as we both produced the baby.

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