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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of the sight of my baby

87 replies

Tryingtobenice · 30/06/2012 19:38

So i'd just like to know honestly if every mum feels like this for at least a fleeting second at some stage? It's not something you can admit to in RL.
4 week old baby, breast feeding, she is really an angel, but just so clingy. Sleep hasn't been too bad, but last couple of nights were pretty rubbish. Plus we're co-sleeping as she won't go in her own cot. Just wants to be held ALL the time., it's as though her scream has an on switch on her back that gets pushed if you lie her down for a second. Partner being lovely and taking her lots when he is home (been away all week) but still she wants to feed almost all the time and that's on me.

I'm just fed up and wishing for my oldlife back. I've made a huge mistake.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 30/06/2012 19:42

Well I cant speak for all mums but I know for sure I had weeks moments like that.

Parenting is such an intense thing, from the word go its 24/7 with very little chance for a break, especially in the early weeks. It is understandable to find things hard, to wonder why you did it etc etc.

It will get easier as she gets older though.

rubyslippers · 30/06/2012 19:43

You haven't made a huge mistake

The first few sleep deprived, constantly feeding and no let up intensity of the first months is bloody hard

Take every offer of help, eat well and it will settle down

Can you feed her laying down so as yu co sleep y are at least horizontal rather than sitting up and feeding

Have a

aleene · 30/06/2012 19:45

You are at a hard stage. Accept that it is very intensive at the moment but this will lessen and things will get easier. you are tired, don't be hard on yourself. It will be okay!

llamallama · 30/06/2012 19:45

Is she like this during the day too?

Couple of things might help:
Get a sling. Not a baby bjorn but a proper sling and hold her close. She gets what she needs and you don't feel so tied down as you can get On with things.

How was her birth? Might be worth thinking about a couple of sessions of cranial osteopathy. Often very long/short, c section, intervention birthed babies can benefit from this.

It is normal. Only 4 weeks ago she was inside you and never apart from you. She just needs a little more time to get used to this big scary world and she needs you close to feel safe. It will get better. This too shall pass.

pickledparsnip · 30/06/2012 19:46

I used to feel exactly the same. I mourned the loss of my old life when my son was born. Felt awful for feeling that way, but once I got talking to other mums about it I realised I really wasn't the only one. It will get better, honest.

BananaPie · 30/06/2012 19:46

I remember thinking at about 3 weeks that although the baby was lovely, I'd quite like a day off, and feeling sad that i couldn't. It does get easier and more enjoyable though. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings in real life. Maybe consider talking to the doctor or health visitor if the feeling doesn't go away.

hermioneweasley · 30/06/2012 19:47

Feeling like this is pretty common IME, but few people admit it in real life. I k kw what you mean about the sitting up - I was convinced that DD had an internal spirit level. Cranial osteopathy helped her a bit (though might have been a coincidence). It will get better.

AhsataN · 30/06/2012 19:47

it is normal to feel like this. i couldn't handle my ds screaming 24/7, he never slept for longer than 2 hours. i could never put him down the minute i did he would scream and the sound was too much to take.
please speak to your health visitor you are not alone. these few months will be tough while everything settles down and you all get into a routine. make sure you get out of the house, go to mum and baby groups. also make a few hours for yourself have a bath relax have your mind to yourself for a while.
i suffered with post natal depression in silence and it nearly broke me. don't suffer in silence you will be ok and you will get through this.

arthurfowlersallotment · 30/06/2012 19:47

At four weeks, breast feeding is pretty relentless, sleep is fractured and your hormones are going mental. What you're feeling is perfectly normal and is exactly how I felt until about six weeks, when the fog started to clear.

Try and get some sleep in somewhere and I promise you'll feel much better. In a week or so could you express and let DH do a night feed or two?

I know this sounds like a useless platitude but it DOES get better, you WILL sleep again and your baby will not be attached to your breast for ever.

I received brilliant support in the parenting threads on here so maybe check out over there?

Congratulations on your baby. Soon you will get parts of your old life back but you'll also have your lovely child.

discrete · 30/06/2012 19:48

Unfortunately the baby phase is just like that.

I got through it by thinking that a year is a small percentage of my life but it is 100% of theirs at that stage, so their needs are more important than mine.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 30/06/2012 19:50

Are you sure shes getting enough at each feed? I had to give up bf because DD wasnt getting enough :( and that tended to make her cry all the time. Once I had switched to ff she settled.

Though I would advise you talk to your HV before you give up.

And I think its normal to just want a bit of a break, especially with a clingy baby. Do you have good family support? Friends?

Dont feel pressured to lift DD every time she cries. If you know she has fed, is warm, doesnt need nappy changed etc then leave her. Soothe her without lifting and maybe take a break in another room for 5 mins. Give her a chance to learn how to self soothe.

Most importantly talk to people about how you are feeling. It doesnt make you terrible

Flobbadobs · 30/06/2012 19:50

I think you're pretty brave to admit what I think most new mothers feels at some point in the early weeks, I certainly did!
Totally normal I think & some good advice further up the thread, especially about the sling.
It will get better xx

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2012 19:51

My 18 mo is the light and joy of my life. When she was 18 weeks, she certainly wasn't. It is relentless, hurts, it's hard work and there is very little reward. I really think that some people are baby stage people who end up having 15 children and some are toddler or child or teenager people. I hated the baby stage but now she is walking, talking, funny it is all better.

Keep an eye on yourself and get help if you need to.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/06/2012 19:52

Definitely felt like this. I used to wish I could clone myself so the clone could take over the baby care, feeding etc and the real me could have a nap, go for a coffee, have a nap, and have another nap.

OP this too will pass...

dribbleface · 30/06/2012 19:52

God, totally normal, I felt like that with DS1. Have you tried swaddling, worked like a dream with DS2

RealityIsNOTWarren · 30/06/2012 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Softlysoftly · 30/06/2012 19:56

I am exactly where you are with a 4 week old ebf, who won't be put down and I'm too scared to co-sleep.

The only thing pulling me through is that I also have a toddler and though it's harder with 2, unlike last time when I descended into PND as I couldn't adjust, this time I know that it's a short period of their lives and as soon as they interact, smile, talk, walk they are amazing little sponges who bring your sense of childhood wonder back to you and enrich you in a 100 different ways.

Talk to someone and put time in place for being you even if that means giving a bottle a day ducks and hides so you can regain a sense of balance.

CharltonHairstyle · 30/06/2012 19:57

Yup, I certainly had times like this.

Just keep soldiering on...it gets better! You just need to get over 'the hump'

You'll be grand in the end

FoxSake · 30/06/2012 19:57

Yes, 3 babies, moments of feeling like that with allmof them, youngest is 7 mo and last night was challenging. I recommend a good wrap sling like a moby or a Kari me, then you can carry on with things while they sleep on you, you hardly know they're there.

This too shall pass is the saying that gets me through.

Flobbadobs · 30/06/2012 19:58

Ooh, try a grobag when baby is a bit older, saved my sanity with DC3, she's 4 months now, been in hers since about 6 weeks old and sleeps like a log. Not sure why, could be a sense of security possibly?

CherryBlossom27 · 30/06/2012 19:58

Honestly you're not alone! IMHO anyone that says they've never felt like that is either lying or on happy pills :o

If you need to go to the toilet or have a couple of minutes to breathe and the baby is crying, just put her down somewhere safe and just do it. A few minutes crying is not going to do her irreparable damage and you need to keep your sanity!

I didn't have any help (except for my DH), but I think what would have been great for me would have been if someone like my mum could have taken the baby out for a walk for an hour (after the baby was fed and changed) and I had a lie down. If there's anyone you can ask to do it, just ask, don't feel embarrassed or that you're not supermum!

I definitely found things got easier after the first 6 weeks, then easier again after about 12 weeks!

Good luck!

NeedToSleepZZZ · 30/06/2012 19:58

Yanbu, I wish more women could admit to feeling this way. We're led to believe that, although it'll be tough, we will be so happy with our baby that we won't mind the sleep deprivation/ aching, cracked breasts/ night sweats/ loss of identity/ inability to do ANYTHING without being in a rush as baby needs feeding, rocking, winding or changing. It is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever been through and although now I wouldn't change a thing, I remember those first few months so well.
Although its no help to you now, it really does get loads better and you are certainly not alone. I recommend sitting in the garden with a cuppa on your own at every opportunity, you need time to relax and adjust.

FoxSake · 30/06/2012 19:59

Oh and if you can find a gym with a creche that takes babies, it's worth joining even if it's just so as you can have a coffee in the coffee bar and read a magazine. It saved my sanity and I discovered exercise makes me feel a million times better and able to cope.

littlesos · 30/06/2012 20:00

Hi,
It will get better, promise. One thing, my DD2 was like this, we couldn't lie her down without her starting to cry and scream. I was at my wits end when I noticed that on some days it was much worse. I looked at what I'd eaten and after cutting out caffeine, eggs, brocolli???, and large amounts of dairy she completely changed, as though someone had flipped a switch. It took us till 12 months to get a food intolerance diagnosis, luckily at 5 she has outgrown (manages much better) with all these things.
It might be worth looking at what you're eating and try maybe cutting one thing out at a time to see if there is any improvements.

TheWalkingDead · 30/06/2012 20:01

That's how I felt (and I didn't even bf) and still sometimes feel like that now with 3.6 and 1.6 yr old boys (even though I love the bones of them).

Other people have given you some great advice, and please don't beat yourself up about it. I did for a long time, and I think it contributed to PND after DS1.

This is a massive change of lifestyle for you and even though logically I knew there was going to be a change, it doesn't even come close to what I imagined. You haven't made a mistake, it's just this is a difficult time - it does get better. I just keep repeating to myself that old mantra 'It's just a phase' when I feel like that now and I try not to feel like the worst mum in the world for finding it hard. Good Luck

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