To be sick of the sight of my baby

[Tryingtobenice]

So i'd just like to know honestly if every mum feels like this for at least a fleeting second at some stage? It's not something you can admit to in RL.
4 week old baby, breast feeding, she is really an angel, but just so clingy. Sleep hasn't been too bad, but last couple of nights were pretty rubbish. Plus we're co-sleeping as she won't go in her own cot. Just wants to be held ALL the time., it's as though her scream has an on switch on her back that gets pushed if you lie her down for a second. Partner being lovely and taking her lots when he is home (been away all week) but still she wants to feed almost all the time and that's on me.

I'm just fed up and wishing for my oldlife back. I've made a huge mistake.

And again... :)
For your own sanity's sake don't look at baby magazines. The sight of one of those smug pretty mums with their adorable looking smiley babies made me all stabby...

You'll be fine soon :)
Remember, this too shall pass... quicker than you think.

Just to add that please don't feel guilty if you give your DC a bottle!

BUT, I found bf really hard at the start and now (and 10 weeks) it's much easier (though still pretty relentless in the evenings).

Warren I love your post. My DD is also very clingy and you've given me hope of having an evening out at some point in the next year!

I am there too with formula fed ds 2 weeks. He wakes every 2 hours round the clock, feeds almost constantly and when he doesn't want feeding he wants to be awake looking at everything and being walked round on my chest (or dhs chest) . I am on the verge of insanity.

Like another poster though I have an older child - a dd aged 9 and I can look back and think it really doesn't last long - it just seems like it.

Last night I was literally asleep standing up microwaving a bottle at 4am and ds didn't settle till 6am after that. Then he was up at 8am again. Its relentless.

Dh has been very helpful at sharing the feeds which I am very grateful for but een so its absolutely killing. There have been moments I wish for my old life back. I want to sleep again. I miss my freedom. Its very very hard. Have an unmumsnetty hug x

Yes it's bloody hard - mind blowingly hard.

But I found I just had to accept it and that it would get better (this only worked with DD, my second. With my first it felt relentless even though my logical brain knew it wasn't).
Your baby will be having endless growth spurts and will change so much in the next few months, it's no wonder she needs you. Strap her in a sling, get out and about. With DS I didn't but with DD I had to as I had a toddler in tow. And believe me it made the days go faster, making it easier to deal with the nights. Go for walks, go for coffee, get out as it makes being tired easier.

Yes. Completely normal I think. I was hugely fortunate that my NCT group were very honest with each other at the stage you're at.

Believe me it will pass. Funnily enough I was thinking about those days earlier, whilst dancing round my bedroom to 80s disco with DD hi is now 16 mths. At these wonderful moments it's hard to imagine that not so long ago I had fleeting moments.

It will get better, I promise.

My DD3 hated being on her back so we dug out the Angelcare monitor we had used for DD2 and put that under her mattress. We could then put her to sleep on her front and she actually slept like that as opposed to being really unsettled on her back.

I know the SIDS advice is 'back to sleep' but I was demented with tiredness and felt the movement/breathing monitor was the next best thing. At least using that the two of us got some sleep.

I used to dread night times, as DD fed and screamed I would lie awake and sob, waiting for the sun to come up. Every single day until she was about 6-7 months old.

Does it get easier or do your memories of life before simply fade? I don;t know. I do know that the smiles and the interaction made it bearable even if was a long time before I was pleased I was a mum

She is likely having a growth spurt which is increasing her need to feed and clinginess. If you don't already have a proper cot - consider a co-sleeping one so you can get a bit of space in bed, but you are close enough to appease the baby and make it easy for breastfeeding. Your hormones are still all over the place at 4 weeks, so don't feel bad for feeling how you do

Totally normal, in my opinion. By which I wouldn't mean to trivialise what you''re feeling. I also felt pretty desperate in the early weeks. It is exhausting physically and emotionally.

Definitely use a sling, and do anything that works to get your baby settled etc - don't worry about setting bad habits for the future or any of that nonsense.

It will get easier, so hang in there. Don't beat yourself up for feeling miserable and frustrated, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

No YANBU I felt the tearful and overwhelmed a few weeks after the birth of ds1. I seriously thought I'd made a terrible mistake and wanted things to go back to how they were before he was born. The worst thing was it was impossible to say it to anyone. What did help was this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Life-After-Birth-Kate-Figes/dp/1844084663/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1341083197&sr=1-1 I kept dipping into it and it was reassuring to know what I was feeling and experiencing with my pub was very normal. HTH

Not pub PFB!

I certainly felt like this. You haven't made a mistake but becoming a mum can feel really overwhelming. Have you got people around who can pop round for a coffee?
The transition from working full time & pretty much answering to no one to someone so tiny relying on you 24/7 for everything can be very difficult for some.It's relentless tbh & some people struggle.
Do you have a good relationship with your hv?

Newborns are horrid. Nobody tells you this beforehand so it comes as an awful shock and you think you're the only one who thinks it.

Keep going, keep talking - the worst will be over soon, really.

You could be talking about how I felt after dd was born, she too was ver,very cling and I just felt suffocated. I remember looking at dh when dd was a week old and we both had a look that this was a big mistake, but I also distinctly remember the day when she was a few months old and I realised I had enjoyed the day - the first one, after that it just got better and better and I now have a fantastic nearly 8 yo who I love spending time with, honestly it really does get better

Urgh, I hate people jumping in with the "maybe she isn't getting enough milk, give her formula". Some mums WANT to breastfeed. It is possible to increase the length of feed to make the gapos between feeds longer. It is possible to do things to boost supply.

When I was struggling with bf it drove me mad people going on about "just give him a bottle" - why not actually try to improve the bf before just giving up?

To increase a feed length - make baby as awake as possible. Strip them off, make them cold. Blow on their face as soon as they start to fall asleep/stop. Once they've finished on one breast, undress them, change their nappy, wake them up, and offer them the other. Mine would fall asleep after 3-5 minutes unless I forced him to stay awake.

Also, express after feeds to boost supply. Even if nothing is coming out, stay there pumping dry boob for 5 minutes. BF is supply and demand - demand more, supply more.

(I understand there are reasons why some people can't, but it would drive me insane that people instantly jumped to "just give him a bottle" than "try work out why baby is cluster feeding, and do things to stop it").

In the first weeks, probably months, I felt that I'd made a huge mistake in having DS and ruined mine and DH's lives. I missed my old life so badly and every day seemed such a struggle. DS was only happy when being held.

Just remember, you're not the only one to ever feel like this and this stage doesn't last for long. Also don't feel bad if you don't feel overwhelmed with love for her. For me it took a few months for the love to come and when it did everything was easier to cope with.

gaps*

Yep! I feel like this sometimes. I have a 2 year old and 6 week old. I recommend the sling - we have a babasling and although they take a bit of getting used to, you can be hands free to make a cuppa, or go for a walk etc. we also have a rocking chair which is useful in the night if me or dp need to rock ds to sleep on our shoulder/chest without having to be standing up. We also co-sleep and I read somewhere that breastfeeding mothers get more sleep as you dont have to get up in the night. 'The Food of Love' book by Kate Evans explains some aspects of baby behaviours and is worth a read. For example from an evolutionary perspective, babies that are happy to be put down and left alone are the babies that end up being eaten by lions, so your baby use using her survival instincts to be close to you. Ooh one more thing, have you got a vibrating bouncy chair? Ours loves his and will happily sit in it long enough for me to have a shower.

I was like this with DD1, feeling so tired and thinking "oh well it'nearly bedtime" and the sheer horror of realising that it didn't matter, I'd still be up feeding throughout the night when I was exhausted.

I had lots of support from DH and my DM but still mourned my pre baby life. It took me a long time to come to terms with being a mum and I really wanted a baby! It reached the worst about 12 weeks and began to improve at about 6 months. Maybe linked to weaning? Looking back I think it was pnd.

Interestingly, we were talking about this in one of the groups I take my toddler to. We all admitted that we had felt like this, yet at the time not one of us spoke about it. We all pretended it was fine! If you can, meet up with other mums or on the net and talk about it. It helps knowing you arew not alone.

I've now got a new 12 week old and she's a real clinger. I am coping much better though as I know it gets better, it's worth it and if she cries for five minutes when I put here down to make a cup of tea, it's not the end of the world.

Please take any help offered and be kind to yourself. This is a huge life change and you need to give yourself time.

My son is 30 next birthday - so he and I are still alive -but he never slept in the day unless I took him for a long walk in the pram. He would fall fast asleep at the farthest distance from home and would wake up yelling as I opened the front door. I was beyond exhausted - his father did nothing. I can remember throwing him in the pram one day, yelling 'I've had enough. You've had enough. Shut up!' A miraculous silence ensued. When his father eventually came back from work I confessed that I had killed our son! But from that day on, things improved - not with my son's lazy father. It does get better, OP. (But much worse in other ways!)

Understand exactly how you feel. If I could give dc1 back I would have done! Maybe would be worth a go?

lots of growth spurts and development going on - it's normal to be like this and normal to feel like this.

one of my sleep deprived constant feeding moment thoughts was "oh no what have I done!".

Try swaddling if you can get a summer swaddle - pod type ones were good.

def check out the reflux possibility and try cutting out foods to see if that impacts.

look into baby massage courses (sure start often run free ones) and bf groups so you have support and can compare with other mums.

ds was another one wanting to be held all the time and bf constantly - still not sttn and still cosleeping but he's a joy and we have our own little routine and a flexible schedule of groups, swimming, friends and park and walks and it really is lovely -- still the sleeping issue to sort but we'll get there...

IT.WILL.GET.BETTER. HONESTLY. First few months weeks are hard going. She just needs you close all the fucking time. Ds2 was permanently attached to me for about 5 months, then it all just fell into place, definitely try feeding laying down so you can snooze while doing it.