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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of the sight of my baby

87 replies

Tryingtobenice · 30/06/2012 19:38

So i'd just like to know honestly if every mum feels like this for at least a fleeting second at some stage? It's not something you can admit to in RL.
4 week old baby, breast feeding, she is really an angel, but just so clingy. Sleep hasn't been too bad, but last couple of nights were pretty rubbish. Plus we're co-sleeping as she won't go in her own cot. Just wants to be held ALL the time., it's as though her scream has an on switch on her back that gets pushed if you lie her down for a second. Partner being lovely and taking her lots when he is home (been away all week) but still she wants to feed almost all the time and that's on me.

I'm just fed up and wishing for my oldlife back. I've made a huge mistake.

OP posts:

beginnings · 01/07/2012 09:55

Rollmops I had NO conception of how much attention a new born needs. I had watched my friends and SILs feed for 15 or 20 mins, burp their babies and then lie them in their baskets while they sat and ate/had coffee/chatted. It's only now I know that the timing of the invitation to visit was carefully planned to coincide with when that might be possible. Or I had settled them for them. Something I now know is easier sometimes for a non exhausted non parent to do.

Also some babies do need to be held more than others and if you're someone who likes their own space, it can be tough to handle.

OP, I hope all the other posts have been helpful. DD currently dozing through yet another feed. Is going to be a snacky day for my little comfort eater......wonder where she gets that from?

differentnameforthis · 01/07/2012 11:46

You haven't made a huge mistake, you just don't seem to realise that 4 week old babies need to be held. A lot. They also like/need to feed. A lot. She has been tucked up inside you, with your voice & your heartbeat as her main comforters & now here she is, needing you about as much as anyone ever could need anyone & all you want to do is put her down!

She doesn't even know that you are separate beings yet. Have you tried her in a sling?

Babies pretty much are all about the feeding/sleeping/screaming. You just need to accept that & remember that it will pass.

emsyj · 01/07/2012 11:59

It is so hard to 'get' that the stage passes when you're in the thick of it though different - I remember sitting in the bath crying whilst DH held DD as she screamed (I was just bloody determined to have a bath, so I put up with the screaming for 3 minutes whilst I washed) and trying desperately to cling on to the fact that she wouldn't still be doing this aged 3, 7, 15.... But when you don't know exactly how long it will be like that for, and when every hour of every day feels like a lifetime, it is so hard to see it as temporary.

Flisspaps · 01/07/2012 12:26

The newborn stage is like an endurance test.

Ugh.

I hate it. DS is 11wo and I can see a distant light just starting to appear at the end of the long tunnel - we're almost halfway to the 6mo mark where mentally it seems easier.

You're in the doldrums stage too - relentless work for no reward. In a couple of weeks DD will be smiling - that little boost helps (for a short while!)

Primrose123 · 01/07/2012 12:34

I felt like this too, with my first baby. It was such a shock to the system. A lot of the time, I felt like I just wanted to get away from her, but hated leaving her with anyone! She was very clingy, screamed a lot, and didn't sleep much. It started getting better when she could roll over by herself. That way, she was comfortable at night and slept better, and we all felt better. My second baby was much easier if that's any consolation!

porcamiseria · 01/07/2012 14:46

you have not made a mistake

the first few weeks are BRUTAL

BRUTAL i say! esp with first child

hand on in there, this time will pass

Hopandaskip · 01/07/2012 14:48

My younger son was a velcro baby who couldn't cope not being held and would scream like he had a foot cut off if we put him down. The more we fought it the worse he got so I just resigned myself to it. I got a sling and learned how to use it. It helped me feel a little more independent because at least I had my hands free and could do stuff and he was as happy as a clam, especially if he was in skin to skin contact. Our neighbours remember my husband walking up and down the road with him in it to give me a break.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

Let the house look like shit, forget proper meals and eat nutritious but quick things like sarnies, don't iron or vacuum anything. Sleep as often as you can, preferably whenever your baby does. Learn to breastfeed lying down (so you can rest more). Don't do anything you don't have to for now, make things as easy as you can. Newborns do want to feed all the time, especially in the evening when you are tired, their stomachs are tiny and don't hold much. This gets better quite quickly. It is ok to sit and watch TV in bed together for hours at a time, or reading books you like or anything else indulgent.

Hopandaskip · 01/07/2012 14:54

oh and round about a month I learned to nurse with baby in a sling with one hand and that revolutionised things, it meant I could do all sorts of things while walking around like cooking lunch or fetching a drink. Helps you feel less trapped. I needed to put a wadded up small towel under him and cinch up the sling tight to make it work, someone from LLL showed me how.

MrsSutherland · 01/07/2012 14:54

I felt exactly the same when DS1 was about 5 or 6 weeks old, I never admitted to anyone in RL. It passed within a couple of weeks but I was just exhausted.

In the end my mum used to come round on a Sunday morning, I would BF DS then she would take him out till he needed the next feed so DH and I could sleep. Any extra sleep helped!

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 01/07/2012 16:36

I haven't read all replies here but I just wanted to say that I felt exactly the same. I distinctly remember telling my DH I wanted it to go back to just me and him. I regretted having my baby.
I went on to develop crushing PND. I realised afterwards that those feelings were the start.
I'm not saying that will end up happening to you but I just want you to bear it in mind and please, please get help if they persist.
Good luck OP.x

unlucky67 · 01/07/2012 17:35

Also haven't read all posts but
you are normal ...mostly sleep deprivation...that's why it is used as a torture...
Get a sling and also 'give up' - let the house fall to pieces around you, sit on the sofa and watch daytime tv...buy ready meals
Also harder for first born - you have such high expectations - they and you don't need to be immaculate all the time ...first home visit, DD1 a few days at most old and had had a leaky poo nappy and it had marked my sheets - I was just changing them when midwife arrived - she told me off - said I should be resting and I should have just covered it with an old towel...I was horrified...with DD2 I wouldn't have even considered changing the sheets for something so minor!

Also co-sleep - I went back to work FT when DD1 (always a poor sleeper) was 3 months old - tried to keep her in the cot and sit up to feed etc hadn't worked well before but just couldn't cope at work with that little sleep - learnt that if you lie on your side with open top they will just help themselves while you sleep - (had to wear PJ top on back to front for 6 months to stop her helping herself when I stopped BF ing DD2 at 2yo)

Also walk away and leave them somewhere safe for a while if you have too - crying for a bit won't hurt them - I remember having to leave DD1 on the bedroom floor and going to stand outside the front door once when she was 6 months old - late, trying to get her dressed and everytime I got one leg in her tights she got the other one out- sounds pathetic but really thought I was going to lose it....(DD2 I would just have taken without tights!)...also once when DD1 was about 2 yo and going through another one of her refusing to go sleep stages -I was sitting on a chair next to her bed and the thought went through my head that if I just put this cushion over her head that will make her go to sleep...
(DD1 was very hard work ... opposite of DD2 who is very easygoing - but DD1 is still alive, happy and just as irritating at 11 yo...and I still love her and glad I have her - most of the time! )
It really really does get easier, don't be hard on yourself and try and get as much help and sleep as possible from anywhere you can.... you can always go and talk to your health visitor ...they are there to help....

unlucky67 · 01/07/2012 17:46

I also meant to say something that bought me comfort (made me feel less of a failure!) - a friend of my sister's who always seemed like a fantastic, calm, super mum - said there is a very good reason that smiling is the first thing that babies learn to do - it is to stop you killing them!

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