To feel upset to discover that "friend" supports the BNP :(

[Jinsei]

Not a close friend, but this is someone who has been to my house, accepted my hospitality etc. DH is Asian and dd is mixed race. I am to know that she holds these views and upset to think that she has held these views through all of our "friendly" conversations.

I'm not going to say anything to her, will just quietly edit her out of our lives. But it makes me :( that seemingly "nice" people can buy into such crap.

Yanbu

Yanbu. How did you find out?

I think political parties are the same as religion, is usually best not to know who people support/believe.

It's awkward, I know.

You'd think by 2012 everyone would've moved on from being anti gay/anti multi-cultural/anti single mothers yadda yadda.

YANBU I couldn't be friends with someone who believed that shit.

Yanbu!

Dd is 18, told me a lively boy Is showing lots of interest. A snoop on his Facebook reveals he is English defence league member!

As in the Specials song
"If you have a rascist friend, now is the time for that friendship to end"

I'd be horrified too.

YANBU at all, Jinsei

I think you're being far too reasonable by not saying anything, but I admire your self restraint.

I to admire your restraint. I've cut a friend out when I found out she supported the BNP, it all came out in a discussion about asylum seekers in which she informed me:

"If people know speaking out against a government is going to end up with their lives at risk they really shouldn't say anything, and we shouldn't let them in here. It's their own fault they need asylum in the first place"

Needless to say I left her in no doubt as to what I thought about it.

I am by no means racist and Im just playing devils advocate here, but perhaps her support is due to the wider immigration issue that never leaves the news and not based on specific individuals.

I can however completely understand why you would not feel comfortable continuing the friendship.

Yikes MrsReiver. She's had a real brainwashing number done on her, eh?

OP - time to let your friend go. If you raise this subject or challenge her in any way, she'll find some feature or factor that separates you from the lumpen mass of the rest of your Dh's and Ds' ethnic group and use that as justification for remaining friends with you. It's a nasty trick....you know...the "But YOU and DH are alright, you do/eat/support/enjoy such and such...not like the other ones....."

Just, as you say, edit her out gracefully.

I fell out with a friends husband because he was involved in th r EDL he added me on fb (to spy on her i think) and he was spouting rubbish so i challenged him then he deleted me,

I could never look at someone in the same way again if I knew that about her.
Everything she said would be tainted with the whiff of bigotry and intolerance.
YAVVVVVVNBU

TBH i do think she will think your DH is ok because he lives her maybe has done for generations but as somebody else has said has her issues with newer immigrants, either way she is stupid ,

Don't really want to say how I found out, as I might out myself in the process. Suffice to say that the evidence is reliable and there is no room for doubt. :(

The main reason for not saying anything is that I'd probably get too upset if I did, so it's probably better to just leave it. We had horrible experiences with racism where we used to live, and I thought it was so different where we are now. It makes me really doubt my judgement of character. :(

I can appreciate that people may have legitimate concerns about immigration etc, but under no circumstances can I accept their reasoning if they choose to support the BNP as a result. I am actually very shocked by this person, I never would have imagined it.

You really don't need idiots like that in your life. Plus Nick Griffin (?) looks like fat Hitler :)

DH has been here nearly ten years. I wonder if that's long enough for her?

Tbh, I don't really care what she thinks of DH, whether she would make an exception for him. This isn't really about him. It's more the shock at discovering that someone I thought of as a friend could hold views that I find so repugnant.

And anger, actually, that she would sit in my house, chatting and eating my food, without telling me that she has an irrational hatred for people who happen to look like members of my family.

But racists dont usually go around with a sign on their head jinsi most look like ordinary people not including the tattoed fuckwits you cant tell
, you hear a comment from them or hear something from somebody, I know you are but it really isnt your fault they seemed a normal lovely person,

I didnt mean to offend you about my how long he has been here comment but really that is how they think some are ok and some are not it is baffilinf how they think tbh

Yes I know that, mrsjay, but she knows where DH is from. Did she really have to accept my hospitality under the circumstances? It all seems so false and fake.

It is false and fake and you must be so hurt will you just let the friendship fade out or will you say something to her, have you known her long

Don't worry, I wasn't offended and the was for my "friend" and not for you.

I know this is how some people think. The irony is, DH never even wanted to come here, and only came here because I wanted to come home.

I also think you are showing great restraint by not telling her she is a holocaust-denying racist twat challenging her

I felt that way when an American friend told me she loved Sarah Palin.

Some friendships just end naturally!

Have known her for over two years now. I'm not going to say anything, I don't want any drama. And at the end of the day, I guess she is entitled to vote for whoever she chooses, so what would I say anyway. :(

I'm just going to let it go and avoid like the plague.