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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel upset to discover that "friend" supports the BNP :(

119 replies

Jinsei · 29/06/2012 21:30

Not a close friend, but this is someone who has been to my house, accepted my hospitality etc. DH is Asian and dd is mixed race. I am to know that she holds these views and upset to think that she has held these views through all of our "friendly" conversations.

I'm not going to say anything to her, will just quietly edit her out of our lives. But it makes me :( that seemingly "nice" people can buy into such crap.

OP posts:

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 09:23

The BNP 'talks the talk' on education, then you look @ their web page and rip your hair out at all the grammatical errors.

perceptionreality · 30/06/2012 09:24

The BNP are not even a credible party - they are basically a bunch of thugs who believe violence is a solution to the world's problems.

Original poster

Jinsei · 30/06/2012 09:25

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 30/06/2012 09:29

Jin - I meant generous on a personal level, I fully agree with what you say about the BNP. Honestly, I have had people say they would vote for them but when we talk a bit about it they do start to think a bit more widely. Just ignoring them might not have this affect. Honestly, people really are ignorant when it comes to politics!!

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 09:34

The BNP have a great line on education. A return to the the Three R's. fantastic - until you read a little deeper and they run holiday camps for 12+ which include lessons on responsible gun ownership - because, as we know, we all need a gun these days! That'd make us all sooooo much safer, what with their crackdown on crime and the return to flogging (or was it birching?)

www.hopenothate.org.uk/news/article/988/bnp-running-gun-camps-for-kids

Original poster

Jinsei · 30/06/2012 09:39

I get where you're coming from redhelen, and I could agree if we were talking about another political party that I didn't agree with. But I simply don't believe that someone who is basically nice and generous would contemplate voting for the BNP.

I could be friendly with a tory, but not with a BNP supporter.

Tbh, my closest friends share similar political views to my own, because our political beliefs arise from our basic value system. And values are important to me when choosing my friends.

OP posts:

Dprince · 30/06/2012 09:46

Jinsei that's what i said, its self imposed ignorance and that's its not an excuse. However I still feel its my responsibility to open peoples eyes to it, if possible.
It is worse with the BNP that with the Tories or labour etc.

CurrySpice · 30/06/2012 09:50

Oh op I was about to post something similar. I was introduced to a friend of a friend last night. 10 minutes later I was told he had stood for the bnp. I was appalled. If I had known, I wouldn't have shaken his hand. My friend that introduced us was surprised at my reaction. That also appalled me.

So no, YANBU at all to be upset. I would be too and I wouldn't have someone in my house who belonged to that vile organisation

Original poster

Jinsei · 30/06/2012 09:50

YY, I agree re opening people's eyes where possible. I should probably try to challenge my "friend" in this case, but not sure I can deal with it. I think she knows what she is supporting, and I will just make myself more upset if I try to tackle her on it.

She doesn't even know that I know. :(

OP posts:

Dprince · 30/06/2012 09:54

Tbh I think it must be harder when someone joins a party that hates your child. I don't think I could, i would probably do the same as you.

CurrySpice · 30/06/2012 09:58

I didn't challenge this guy last night I just staggered drunkenly quietly left the bar

Original poster

Jinsei · 30/06/2012 10:01

Curry :( I too would be if a friend didn't consider this to be a big deal.

OP posts:

CurrySpice · 30/06/2012 10:06

That upset me more tbh. I knew this friend was of a different political persuasion to me but I never thought she would be ok with someone being a bnp candidate. I just can't get my head round that

suburbophobe · 30/06/2012 11:56

I could never be friends or friendly with a bnp'er, or as someone upthread says "people who are cruel to anyone" kind of gist....

Such opposed life values, I also have a mixed-race child (luckily, very little racism).

You poor thing, must be horrifying to find out after TWO YEARS!! People can be so two-faced..

SoleSource · 30/06/2012 12:02

White Irish neighbour of mine, married to Muslim guy. She coverted from being a Catholic to Muslim. Came into my house twice a month for about one year. Told me casually she loathes English, White people and they're all slags. Supporter of the IRA. I said I didn't like her extreme views, she hasn't been back. Oh well.

VolAuVent · 30/06/2012 12:24

If you cut your friend off with no explanation she will certainly be really hurt and have no idea what she's done to deserve it.

I've been "cut off" a couple of times by people I had thought were friends, am sure it must have been a misunderstanding, and would much rather they had just said to my face what was wrong so we could discuss it.

I think you should tell her you've found out she's a BNP supporter and assume she's intolerant of families like yours? Don't wade in angrily, wait and see exactly what she has to say about it. It won't necessarily change her beliefs but it might just make her think - and that's a good thing. People can and so develop and change, not always, but certainly sometimes.

Are you sure the information you found out was reliable? Is it perhaps actually her partner who holds these views? Or was someone posting something on her behalf?

Good luck whatever you choose to do.

ChunkyPickle · 30/06/2012 12:31

After my normally not to bad MIL said that she'd been considering voting for the BNP I went and read their manifesto - it's scary stuff unless you're a white, british male (think women back in the kitchen, anyone vaguely un british urged to 'go back where they came from' etc.) - I told her a bit about what I'd read and to her credit she updated her views on them.

sweetsandmoresweets · 30/06/2012 12:37

I used to be good friends with a mother from school, until I found out she was racist. We were chatting once in the playground and she started saying some horrible racist stuff about some of the other mothers in the playground, I felt sick could not believe it. Anyway I never spoke to her after that, just totally avoided her, and was so glad when she moved school.

osterleymama · 30/06/2012 12:41

I would tell her why you no longer want to see her simply so that she realises how repellent those views are. I doubt it will change her mind but you would add to the voices in her life that say 'this is not Ok and we will not tolerate it'

I really sympathise. I have been floored by the people in my life who have casually dropped racist views or words into conversation with me and I haven't really handled it well. Either sitting in silence with a gaping fish mouth, losing it completely or on one mortifying occasion crying at the table. (I WAS pregnant at the time).

Always think of the perfect response 2 days later.

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