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AIBU?

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Original poster

To lose all faith in humanity after another awful tube journey pregnant?

127 replies

starsandswallows · 28/06/2012 19:28

A bit of a rant, need to vent my frustration. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with twins, obviously pregnant and still have a few weeks to go commuting into work on the tube.

So far no one has offered me a seat, I've tried asking and suddenly everyone is busy rummaging through their handbags/reading newspapers/faffing with phones etc.

Now I know other people may have reasons they need to sit down that you wouldn't be able to tell just from looking at them, but surely not everyone commuting on the tube? I get 2 different tubes into work and home again, on there for about 35 minutes in total and bump is starting to feel really horrible and heavy trying to stand for so long. Surely it can't be just me?

OP posts:
LucieMay · 01/07/2012 14:52

I would always offer my seat to any woman who was visibly pregnant, however it's sometimes hard to tell isn't it? I have a lovely friend who is an apple shape (big boobs, big belly, no waist, small hips/legs/arms) and people have thought she's pregnant and offered her seats and she's found it very embarrassing te explain she isn't pregnant!

MrsSutherland · 01/07/2012 14:58

Sorry - you SHOULDN'T have to ask people to stand up.

DowagersHump · 01/07/2012 15:36

MrsSutherland - you clearly have never commuted in London. After 20 years of doing it, 9 times out of 10, I don't look up when people get on the tube if I have a seat so I have no idea if there is someone who needs my seat more than I do. If someone asks me, of course I will move but I think it's terribly passive aggressive to stand there, fuming that no one has offered you a seat.

voscar · 01/07/2012 16:09

I commute in London and have rarely been offered a seat. Mainly on the jubilee line, dlr and central lines. I could count on one hand the number of times I've been offered a seat and that's at 33 weeks now with a very obvious bump and a bob badge.

GingerDoodle · 01/07/2012 16:33

I commute on the overground and Piccadilly or Victoria lines.

Overground - it?s a rarity, but to be fair everyone on my line pays 3 - 4k a year, its an hour + trip and normally people are zoned out. I sit on the floor if I have to - or in first class if i'm near it!

Tubes - I?ve had a baby on board badge since 8 weeks (26 + 3 now) and always make sure I wear it ? would hate people to be uming and aring in case I was just fat! In the main unless I can't get to the seats at all people have been very good. Saying the last week I was lowering myself into a vacant seat and a young guy slid into it under me and buried his head in the paper. I was shocked!

Wheezo · 01/07/2012 16:43

Ginger - did you say anything to him? Shock

Inertia · 01/07/2012 16:44

Ginger, I'd have sat on his lap!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 01/07/2012 16:58

I usually have my nose in a book on the tube/bus so don't notice people getting on or off, but if someone pregnant actually asked me to move I'd be up in a heartbeat! Can't believe that people ignore direct requests, but OP you really need to come back and clarify how/who you're asking.

TBH unless someone is obviously pregnant or has a Baby on Board badge, I wouldn't dare offer my seat in case they weren't and I offended them! (It's happened to me the other way round; was just wearing a voluminous coat. I felt crushed).

I also never sit in the priority seats, as I don't want to have the shame of being in one when someone pregnant or otherwise in need of the seat gets on.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 01/07/2012 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bnad · 01/07/2012 17:11

YANBU but I had a row with my brother the other day about this when we were on the tube together and two pregnent women got on. I got up but he initially refused to arguing that he'd paid for his ticket and so was entitled to sit there. I dragged him up though Wink

HeadsShouldersKneesandToes · 01/07/2012 17:18

I only had to go on a crowded tube about 4 times when heavily pregnant. Directly addressing the person sitting in the priority seat, looking them in the eyes and saying "excuse me, I'm sorry but that seat is the priority seat for people who can't stand and I really cannot stand" never failed. I'm sure a general appeal would be unlikely to work, everyone would hope that someone else would volunteer, so you have to be direct.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 01/07/2012 17:28

Vivian - that's awful . I would have said something to him. I am a terrble big-mouth in those situations.

MrsSutherland · 01/07/2012 17:30

DowagersHump I totally understand your point and no I don't commute on a tube in London but use London trains and tubes often socially so I guess I am probably more aware of people getting on and off a train as it is quite different than when you are commuting day in day out to work. I am more than happy for someone to challenge my opinion even though you appear to be being quite aggresive.

I never said I stood there fuming. I was just concentrating on trying to find somewhere to sit really and it was my friend that said something. Still no one offered. I was on a train so slightly different as there are a lot less people standing than on a tube, people do look at you then quickly look down to avoid offering their seat. It did make me cross after the event of course.

The OP did ask people if she could sit TBF and still no one got up for her.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 01/07/2012 17:30

I found the tube worse than the bus. I almost always got offered a seat on the bus. The tube - had to ask. People do switch off more on the tube.

Wheezo · 01/07/2012 17:44

Vivian That is utterly shocking. What a repulsive little pig of a person - with an attitude like that it's be hoped he never gets close enough to a woman to "knock her up". I am now sitting here trying to think of what you'd say to someone so shameless it would be practically impossible to shame them?

yellowraincoat · 01/07/2012 17:50

Vivian that is awful.

He sounds like someone my partner works with - a man who deliberately seeks out non-fair trade coffee and eats in McDonalds every single day to prove some sort of point about his hyper-capitalist beliefs.

Whatmeworry · 01/07/2012 17:59

The whole carriage sort of froze when he said it. But he just went back to his newspaper smirking in a real "that showed her" kind of way. The poor woman got off at the next stop which obviously wasn't her destination or she wouldn't have asked for a seat just for the last minute. Lots of people looked like they were about to offer theirs instead but hesitated too long and she was gone

Sounds like no one else wanted to give her a seat either or someone would have stood up.....

DowagersHump · 01/07/2012 18:13

MrsS - I didn't mean you! Sorry, I meant the OP. Well actually, not the OP as an individual, but these threads come up all the time and really, commuters would step over a fallen body to cram into a carriage so I think it's a bit bloody hopeful to think that they will suddenly start being terribly aware of other people's needs. I think it's a recognised phenomenon actually - that you have to dehumanise people to survive with total strangers in such close proximity.

I suspect a vague 'would anyone mind giving me a seat?' is a bit pointless.
I wonder if that is what the OP means by 'I've tried asking' because personally, I've found the person sitting in the priority seat always get up if you ask them directly.

cocoachannel · 01/07/2012 18:29

Vivian, I worked with someone who that happened to. The timing is right and we worked in Holborn, so may well be the same incident. She was expecting twins.

oiwheresthecoffee · 01/07/2012 19:20

I know exactly what id have said vivian but it probably would have resulted in me getting of the train. Cunt features in it somewhere.

oiwheresthecoffee · 01/07/2012 19:21

thrown off no idea what happened there.

Tortu · 01/07/2012 19:28

OP how sad! I always found my travelling on the tube while pregnant experiences to be really positive. Actually tend to see it as being evidence of the goodness of humanity, because people were always lovely.

SittingBull · 01/07/2012 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSutherland · 01/07/2012 20:44

I think that after reading all the posts really the answer will be to ask a very definite 'Please could I sit down in that priority seat' and if someone refuses then I think anyone would have every right to complain!

I can understand that on a tube/train people aren't always paying attention, I guess its the same when you are driving to work and don't stop to let people out as you are zoned in on getting to work!

Heleninahandcart · 01/07/2012 21:31

MrsS your storey reminds me of when I got onto a full tube with DS aged about 18 months. Impossible to have him at commuter arse floor level and tricky to carry him and hold on without falling over. I asked a man in the Priority seat if I could sit down please. His response?

'FFS I've been on my feet working all day, if you don't like it, no one told you to get pregnant' He must have been all of 25.

I'm afraid I stood over him and quietly said something very rude about his own mother's choices Blush