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Original poster

To lose all faith in humanity after another awful tube journey pregnant?

127 replies

starsandswallows · 28/06/2012 19:28

A bit of a rant, need to vent my frustration. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with twins, obviously pregnant and still have a few weeks to go commuting into work on the tube.

So far no one has offered me a seat, I've tried asking and suddenly everyone is busy rummaging through their handbags/reading newspapers/faffing with phones etc.

Now I know other people may have reasons they need to sit down that you wouldn't be able to tell just from looking at them, but surely not everyone commuting on the tube? I get 2 different tubes into work and home again, on there for about 35 minutes in total and bump is starting to feel really horrible and heavy trying to stand for so long. Surely it can't be just me?

OP posts:
FiftyShadesofViper · 28/06/2012 23:09

Some things never change. DS is now 24 but I still remember a journey home feeling sick, dizzy and generally awful. I was sat in the seat nearest the door when an elderly lady got on and some absolute arse of a man sitting a couple along made a real pompous carry-on of telling me loudly how I should give her my seat whilst refusing to believe I was pregnant and unwell. Felt so embarrassed as well as ill and could still throttle him!

whiteandyelloworchid · 28/06/2012 23:17

ive found it hit and miss, some people give u a seat other times they don't

NoComet · 28/06/2012 23:21

Another person who wanted a seat when I didn't look pregnant.
Felt faint standing when no one would have noticed. Wasn't bothered towards the end because I never got that huge.

shattereddreams · 28/06/2012 23:23

I Watched a (not pregnant) young girl faint and fit on train this week.
Everyone stepped over her inert form to get off the train. I was gobsmacked. I sat with her until the ambulance came, and was told by London bridge staff that I was a very rare being.

MissRee · 28/06/2012 23:26

Shattered I slipped on London Bridge station one morning and nearly fell off the edge of the platform (not pregnant) and people stepped over me. Not as serious as fitting but even so, did they think I just needed a lie down?!

smokeandglitter · 28/06/2012 23:34

~hugs~ I know how you feel. Just wanted to offer support. Don't lose all faith, try to see it as making those moments where people do help more special. I know that sounds silly and cheesy but it is the only way to get through it other than screaming until someone stand up - then again they'd probably just plug their ipods in.

I have the same problem but due to disability (I walk with a stick so it's not exactly unobvious) but even I've got up and given my seat to pregnant ladies or those who are in more need than me. I can't stand on moving buses because of balance but I can sit on the floor and shout at the driver to give me more time to get off. Surprisingly once I've sat on the floor one person decides it's time to offer there seat. I honestly feel (and have written to TFL countless times) that there should be verbal announcements coming up to each stop reminding people to give up their seat for priority passengers. Today though someone carried my bags onto the bus for me and made sure the driver didn't start until I was seated, so there is hope. Grin

EmsieRo · 28/06/2012 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer · 28/06/2012 23:40

You just need to take the advice on here, v rarely any probs on the tube if you're assertive. Not asking (or asking half-heartedly) and standing is martyrish and unnecessary.

yellowraincoat · 28/06/2012 23:42

As others have said, ask loudly. If for no other reason that people will be shamed into giving you a seat.

yellowraincoat · 28/06/2012 23:44

And also, seriously, just standing about won't get you anywhere. I don't tend to eye up every passenger who gets on just in case they are pregnant. Also, a lot of people don't want to ask in case you're fat, not pregnant.

Popcornia · 28/06/2012 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 28/06/2012 23:57

Sorry you're having a crappy time of it op

I agree with the others that you should definitely ask for a seat, and yes the priority seats are a good place to start

I disagree though about being too forceful, polite and firm is fine, but sometimes someone in the priority seats is disabled and doesn't need a mouthful Grin but of course anyone who is just lazy or rude is fair game Wink

Wheezo · 29/06/2012 00:26

I discovered belly rubbing was an important visual cue for people to give up their seat probably because they were scared to offend if they weren't sure. I never wore the TfL Baby on Board badge but I think I probably would if ever pregnant again. And like others have said it was mostly late teens/early twenties men who stood up for me, never a city suit.

Whatmeworry · 29/06/2012 00:38

^^. That. It's often less clear to others than you think it is, and peple are very wary if causing offence nowadays.

BratinghamPalace · 29/06/2012 02:36

When I was 8.5 months and coming home from night
Shift on the tube I got offered seats all the time

  • BY FOREIGNERS! Honestly it astounded me, I
Found it so sad, especially one morning when I Was standing in front of a woman with her three year old on a seat all to herself. What have we come to?
hawthers · 29/06/2012 04:16

My magic phrase was "excuse me but Di you need that seat?" With a smile and a tummy hold. Never failed. Twice i got beaten to the last seat by people who got on at the same stop and both looked up surprised but immediately gave up their seat.

I thought it gave the opportunity for then to outline any issue they had whilst also challenging them to say they needed it more than me

Also found it was mostly young men in their twenties who gave up their seats.

hawthers · 29/06/2012 04:16

*do

tvmum1976 · 29/06/2012 04:38

What a shame. When I was pregnant I found people on the tube to be lovely and I don't think I had a single journey when someone didn't offer me a seat. Maybe you don't look as pregnant as you think and people are worried that thye don't know whether you're pregnant or carrying a bit of extra weight? Sorry to hear that anyway.

milkovermayhem · 29/06/2012 07:36

It is very frustrating especially when people clearly can clearly see you and jet ignore you. It really irritated me!
The day before I had DS I was getting tube home -I was actually already in labour but I hadn't realised it-I thought I just had a sore back (I was v naive and was googling what does labour feel like!) and at 9months and about to pop I had to stand up to offer a really really really old lady a seat. 4 healthy looking young men watched us argue about who had the greatest need-I insisted she should sit down so finally she did. No one offered me a seat as I stood ( as I know now in labour!).

akaemmafrost · 29/06/2012 07:42

I'm always surprised when I read these threads too.

I was always offered a seat and now I have 2 kids 9 & 5 and 90% of the time people offer their seats to them, which I accept because ds has hypermobility and dyspraxia.

However this is always on the tube. For some reason on buses people are not so considerate though again I was always offered a seat when pregnant.

CharlotteLucas · 29/06/2012 08:05

Sorry to hear that, OP, but like others, I'm surprised at your experiences. I lived in London throughout my pregnancy and regularly used the tube at rush hour - my baby is three months old now - and could count the number of bad experiences I had on the fingers of one hand. I did wear the 'Baby on Board' badge when I wasn't looking unambiguously pregnant, though (especially as it was winter, and I was bundled up in a cape) and I always asked if a seat wasn't offered. Now I almost always get offered a seat, too, if I have my baby in a sling on me, and people are generally very decent about help with the buggy on steps.

BIWItheBold · 30/06/2012 21:59

Well the OP clearly isn't interested in the debate. I wonder why he/she is here at all?

mybabywakesupsinging · 30/06/2012 23:02

I've commutted an hur plus each way on the tube for 3 pregnancies. I have very obvious bumps. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times someone has got up for me (and twice it was someone I knew).
Usually people have their heads in their papers/kindles/tablets and don't notice, and I don't ask (so can't comment on what would happen if I did).
People also do not seem to get up for those carrying small babies.
I'm glad others have had a better experience, though.

SofiaAmes · 30/06/2012 23:44

One of the many things I hated about living in England, was the rudeness of people and the lack of help to those less fortunate/able than them. I got a job when I was 7 months pregnant with ds and commuted from one end of London to the other. Not once in the 5 weeks (I couldn't take it any more than that) of the 1 hour train ride did anyone ever offer me a seat. And that didn't change once I was pregnant with my second with the first (a toddler) in tow. In stark contrast, I travelled to New York City many times during both pregnancies and I never ever had a journey where someone didn't offer me a seat immediately. And offer to carry my buggy up and down the stairs to the subway for me. And in Rome once when pregnant with dd, ds was toddler in a buggy and step kids and suitcases (and dh) were with me waiting at bus stop. City bus came, stopped and the bus driver (!!!!!) got out of the bus and helped dh load everything onto the bus.

Whatmeworry · 01/07/2012 00:24

It'd be interesting to see if there was some sort of common factor between those who haven't had a problem vs. those who have. Fwiw I have found myself:

  • not certain if the woman is pregnant or overweight
  • put off by something in someone's body language/attitude/expression
  • genuinely not noticing - engrossed in book/daydream/conversation
  • feeling that (when I'm feeling ill or when I had a broken toe) someone else can take the strain.