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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lose all faith in humanity after another awful tube journey pregnant?

127 replies

starsandswallows · 28/06/2012 19:28

A bit of a rant, need to vent my frustration. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with twins, obviously pregnant and still have a few weeks to go commuting into work on the tube.

So far no one has offered me a seat, I've tried asking and suddenly everyone is busy rummaging through their handbags/reading newspapers/faffing with phones etc.

Now I know other people may have reasons they need to sit down that you wouldn't be able to tell just from looking at them, but surely not everyone commuting on the tube? I get 2 different tubes into work and home again, on there for about 35 minutes in total and bump is starting to feel really horrible and heavy trying to stand for so long. Surely it can't be just me?

OP posts:

cocoachannel · 28/06/2012 20:32

Are you asking OP? I commute from Balham into zone one, and must admit barely look up from my blackberry if seated as this is valuable work time which allows me to pick up DD earlier! I was mortified the other day to get home stand up and see a pregnant lady standing there- had she asked me of course I'd have given her my seat but I just didn't see her.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 28/06/2012 20:32

I remember feeling awful with morning sickness when i was about 3 months pregnant and traveling into London on a busy tube train. No-one offered me a seat as I didn't look especially pregnant, which was a shame as I practically fell out of the train at my station with the relief of reaching my destination. Later on I had a huge bump, felt fabulous, and got offered lots of seats

Asking the person in the priority seat sounds a good plan - roll on mat leave Congratulations too !

beginnings · 28/06/2012 20:34

It's bloody awful on the Tube. Sympathies OP. I agree that you ask the people in the priority seats to move. Or better, shame them by saying,"Excuse me, do you fit into one of these categories?" while pointing at the sign. Also agree that it was usually young men who were a bit "street" or construction workers of some kind that offered me seats. All other passengers were very good at avoiding my eye - especially women!

oiwheresthecoffee · 28/06/2012 20:37

Doesnt surprise me. My friend fainted on the tube , when some kind bloke helped her up the woman next to her had a go at her because apparently shed fallen on the womans foot. .
I was in singapore and watched a pg woman got on , was so nice a few people got up straight away to give her their seats.

CharltonHairstyle · 28/06/2012 20:38

I know how you feel - it was the same for me. It's awful.

Poor you.

HeffalumpsAndWoozles · 28/06/2012 20:48

I've had many similar experiences, feeling lots of sympathy for you OP. I'm due to get tube into central London next week, 29 weeks with obvious bump but worried the same thing will happen again. Roll on your last few weeks until mat leave :)

Bagofholly · 28/06/2012 20:59

I never had a problem, and as already described, simply politely asked whoever was in the priority seat would they mind moving. No one ever even blinked, just vacated seat nicely. (I also had twins and was the size of a small family car, so I think I scared people a bit.)

DialsMavis · 28/06/2012 21:06

I too have always been offered a seat when pg or holding a baby. I have also on more than 1 occasion been reading or playing with my phone and not noticed and done the whole jumping up mortified thing. People who need a seat should just ask, i have offended people by offering them a sear i the past. I have seen elderly people left standing for ages .... That REALLY pisses me off

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 28/06/2012 21:09

Bagofholly

HecateHarshPants · 28/06/2012 21:22

Often, everyone's waiting for someone else to do something. I've noticed this in many different types of situations.

BIWItheBold · 28/06/2012 21:22

Where are you, OP?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 28/06/2012 21:26

I agree with those who say ask the person in the priority seat to move and actually say you are pregnant (and feeling unwell). It may be obvious to you that you're pregnant but other people don't know how you looked before and may be worried they'll cause offence in case you're not.

G1nger · 28/06/2012 21:42

The world seemed to only realise I was pregnant when I was 8 months. Before then, some people would realise and others would presumably not be sure. You have to psyche yourself up before every tube journey, op - go up to the person in the priority seat and ask 'can I sit down please? I'm pregnant".

Freshletticia · 28/06/2012 22:02

I have to say, when I took my elderly mother who walks with a stick up to London last year, all the people who offered her a seat were young black men.
In fact at one station, a young white man pushed in front of her and she ended up being left on the platform with me and my daughter on the train. He was such a rude git I almost belted him.

JudesMummy84 · 28/06/2012 22:19

I was offered a seat on the train yesterday
But I'm not pregnant and havent been for over 18 months

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 28/06/2012 22:27

Don't worry about it JM - worth it to be Jude's Mummy ?
It's happened to so many of us !

lechatnoir · 28/06/2012 22:35

Having endured 2 pregnancies with daily commutes into & across London it never ceases to amaze me how people sometimes just don't notice but mainly look the other way. I now make it my business to seek out standing pregnant ladies and ask very loudly "is anyone going to give this poor lady a seat?". I'm pretty sure they're as mortified as the people sat down but are always (well the 3 times I've done it) polite enough to say thank you and look vaguely appreciative

ariadne1 · 28/06/2012 22:36

I had to stand in church with a 2 day old baby. Nothing surprises me anymore!

ceeveebee · 28/06/2012 22:46

I also had twins and worked till 32 weeks. People do ignore you, they bury their heads in their metros and put their earphones in. I would always ask the person in the priority seats to move. If you ask loudly enough so other people hear I would be very surprised if they did not move (and if not then someone else will).

I also found out 1 week before I went on mat leave that I could have sat in the first class carriages for the rail part of my journey - damn damn damn!

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your twins!

MamaMumra · 28/06/2012 22:47

I always get up and if I'm standing and a pregnant woman gets on and no one notices, I often ask if anyone is willing to give up their seat for a pg lady. Without exception e get up happily.

I'm sorry you had such an unfortunate experience OP. I amagine this must be the exception as when people notice an elderly / pg person I've found they always get offered a seat.

at fresh - not sure what you were expecting but I've seen men of all hues and even women giving up their seat

VegansTasteBetter · 28/06/2012 22:50

Call them on it. Next time no one gives up a seat- pick the youngest healthiest looking 20 something male out of the bunch and ask him why he won't let you sit there. If he has a genuine excuse say thank you and move on to the next guy, if he doesn't hopefully the shame will get him to move.

MissRee · 28/06/2012 22:54

Nope I never got offered a seat either (commuted up to 38 weeks). To be fair, I never asked (too embarrassed) and only had one stop (I couldn't manage the 20 minute rush to the coach stop but walk the rest of the time, honest!) so I wasn't particularly put out.

What did get my goat though was walking through Liverpool Street overground whilst heavily pregnant with people barging me/tutting at me for being so slow

peppersaunt · 28/06/2012 23:00

Ah, "happy" memories of commuting whilst pregnant. Worked til 35 weeks and was only offered a seat once, by a man whose wife had just had a baby. One other time a young woman pointed to the other end of the crowded Tube carriage and said "There's a seat over there". WTF

splashymcsplash · 28/06/2012 23:06

I had the same when I was pregnant. People wouldn't even let me off the tube stop and I would need to literally use my handbag as a battering ram to protect mybump as people wouldn't allow you to get off before getting on.

I thought it was because I was a young mum and people were judging me. I was 22 but looked more like 18. Reading this thread at least reassures me that it wasn't just me.

lechatnoir · 28/06/2012 23:09

Also just remembered a time when pregnant with DS1 (so far less mouthy confident about asking for seats then subsequent pregnancies) when I couldn't find a free seats & I sat in 1st class. Ticket inspector came along, I explained I couldn't find a seat so hoped it was OK as I very heavily pregnant. He launched into one about me taking the piss and there were plenty of seats at the front of the train (I was at the back so really likely to walk 12 carriages ) I burst into tears and one of the men in 1st class leapt to my defence and shoved a £20 note at the ticket inspector to make up the difference in ticket price and told him to sod off. There are a few good people on trains and thank you knight in shining armour whoever you are (baby brain so recognise him even if I did see him again!)

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