To buy my son a cardigan for his school uniform

[clemetteattlee]

I was asking some friends about this last night and was surprised at the strength of some reactions so I thought I'd ask the Mumsnet jury.
My son is 4 and due to start full-time school in September. i have started to think about which bits of uniform to start getting him and thought I might look around for a boy's cardigan for him. In my head this is not that different to the hooded cardigan things he wears now, it just wont have a hood. It would be easy for him to get on and off, and might look quite cute.
Anyway there were lots of raised eyebrows when I suggested this last night.
Would you buy one (actually this would be tricky as no-one seems to sell them, but in principle...?)

My plan will be use the first one as a leader into whether or not a cardi is OK and then hit them with the second one.
I think the conclusion I have reached is that wearing a cardigan (especially one like the one I have bought) is not a BIG DEAL.
I am more interested in the idea that we encourage gendered clothing rather than teach our children that difference is OK.

Seeker, yes knitted swimming trunks are massively practical. Or, when a girls swimsuit gets too small, cut it in half to make a bikini. the bottom half of that stylish bit of swimwear stays up suprisingly well. Not.
I speak from experience.

But Steaming, that will be WHEN she expresses a preference. I assume she hasn't yet so you will go with your choice.

Well when you say things like 'plan' and 'leader' and 'hit them', it does sound as though you think it's a bit of a big deal!

Of course we teach our children difference is ok. But I just wouldn't set out to do something which may make them feel 'different' just for the sake of it. I assume you didn't entertain the idea of a skirt? Much easier for doing a poo, I should think, and the hems don't get all damp when they walk through puddles!

clem At the moment she prefers skirts. New school, new unwritten rules, next year!

I think the wink suggested I was being facetious.

No skirt for him. It won't go with his shoes.

Why, have you bought him gendered boy-shoes?

Oh I get it now. You're using your child to help you conduct an experiment. Right.

Sigh. I am not trying to overthrow the clothing order. Just wondered why clothing that is for boys cannot be worn by boys (apparently). What is it in our understanding of gender that means that clothing that's essentially unisex is deemed inappropriate?

We are all using our children to conduct an experiment. We have a hypothesis of parenting but no-one knows which is the correct method. To suggest otherwise is definitely naive.

To whit: what is your view of small boys with very long hair? Are their parents "conducting an experiment" or "forcing their taste"?

I'm not, I'm doing the best I can according to circumstance and situation, and if I were to find out that circumstance and situation suggested something I was thinking about doing (cardigan buying or whatever) I would reconsider doing it - and I would use whatever means (older child, observation of playground) in order to find that out. I wouldn't just decide cardigans are mint and he's wearing one whatever.

Of course boys can wear cardigans but you seem intent on making him look different from his peers. To prove a point.

I wouldn't grow very long hair on a small child of either gender, but yes, on a boy I think it is more about the parent trying to make some kind of statement than anything else.

DS has hair down to his knees but he wears it in a bun for school.

Really though, DS did have longish hair and I loved it. I'd ask him frequently if he'd like it short/er. But no. Started school with long hair. Came home one day after Xmas and decided he wanted short hair. Had a conversation about it and had it cut.

my boys all had long hair until they expressed a desire to get it cut, it varies with each child, ds4 has had his cut at 4, ds3 kept his longish until recently he is 7, it was never massively long just surfer style i guess. my ds1 is almost 13 and his hair is now longer than mine, properly long its his choice, as long as he sticks to his agreement to keep it washed and neat etc he can do what he likes with it, he does have to tie it back for pe, science and design technology lessons etc, so he has a couple of hair bands he keeps on his wrist for at school.

Steaming, you have just described an experiment (ie have one hypothesis, see if it works, have another if not).
I have researched - here, friends, other boys - and am happy that all will be well. I will ask his teacher next week but given that she is a wild-haired, stripey tights, VW van driving old hippy I suspect she will wonder what the fuss is all about.
There was never a point to prove (although the militancy of some views has made me ponder WHY we hold such views). I like boys in cardigans, he's not bothered, the one I have chosen is entirely conservative.

So Tufty, exactly what I have described. Started school with something YOU loved and was then allowed to express a preference when he wanted to. Is it any different? There will be no cardigan-against-his-will scenario!

No, it's no different. I hope he enjoys his new school.

Have you thought about adding leather elbow patches?

I dispute the idea that there's anything experimental about finding out what's what and basing your plans around it.

At our school boys have jumpers with school badge and girls have cardigans in same fabric with school badge.

so I have it in my mind that cardigans are girle.

Seeker has been amazing patien on here, and talked a lot of sense.

OP - you've asked the question here because what you were suggesting got raised eyebrows from your RL friends.
You've been advised by the vast majority that the most sensible thing to do - to make transition into school as easy as possible for your ds - is to have a look at what the vast majority of other dcs wear, and to go with that.
You prefer to choose something else. That's fine. Totally up to you what clothes you buy your ds and how you choose to parent. It's not about if a 4yr old should wear a cardi or not, it's about should you go with the mainstream or not.

Now, it's come out during the thread that 'uniform' at your school clearly isn't very 'uniform' - of course, nobody knew that when you first posted, and most people will have been replying, picturing their own dcs' schools, where the only cardigans are the 'sweatshirty' ones with the logo on, which I've never seen a boy wear. Hence my, and I should imagine most people's original answer. If at your dc's school they wear 'any grey, blue, black woolly' than that's a totally different question which would have initiated different responses.

Do you think so? I made that clear very early on and repeatedly to seeker (who has been unnecessarily antagonistic rather than "patient") but still she insists it is damaging.

I don't thnk I have ever said it was damaging. What I have said is that for some children it's really horrible to realise that you are Wearing The Wrong Thing, so why risk that when can easily be avoided? And you did say that you liked the idea of him "looking different". I don't think it's up to a parent to do this- it has to be a child's choice. I'm a natural born hippy, and one of my children is the same. The other is, and always has been, an incredibly conventional dresser. They both started school in strict uniform- my ds was wearing odd stripy socks after the first term and went on from there! Dd was like an illustration in the prospectus throughout. But it was their decision. Not mine. Even though I desperately wanted both of them to be hippies too!