To buy my son a cardigan for his school uniform

[clemetteattlee]

I was asking some friends about this last night and was surprised at the strength of some reactions so I thought I'd ask the Mumsnet jury.
My son is 4 and due to start full-time school in September. i have started to think about which bits of uniform to start getting him and thought I might look around for a boy's cardigan for him. In my head this is not that different to the hooded cardigan things he wears now, it just wont have a hood. It would be easy for him to get on and off, and might look quite cute.
Anyway there were lots of raised eyebrows when I suggested this last night.
Would you buy one (actually this would be tricky as no-one seems to sell them, but in principle...?)

He said he didn't care because he hasn't started and doesn't know what the rest wear. If he has no interest in clothes he is going to want what the rest wear - wanting to be different would show up by an interest in clothes.

Most small children have a very strong sense of gender identity. For many one of the worst things another child can say is "you look like a girl/boy"

Some children are rugged individualists who enjoy ploughing their own furrow- some are natural conformists who want to be the same as everyone else. Some children are one of these types at home and a different one at school. The crucial point is that 4, neither the child nor the parent knows which type the child is. And it could be very upsetting to discover that you a of a conformist nature because another 4 year old says "Why are you wearing girl's clothes?" You can go home and say you don't want to wear whatever it is again- but you have already experienced the hurt. Why run the risk? Starting school is hard enough anyway- why not smooth the way as much as possible? I have a friend whose little girl decided early on in her school career that she liked wearing boy's shorts, so she does. They are comfortable and practical and she's happy in them. The important thing is that she chose them, she continues to choose them and she laughs at anyone who comments. It would have been entirely wrong for her mother to make that decision for her.

I agree with seeker. Your 4 yr old has no experience of school and no interest in clothes. Wait and see how he turns out.
I know a 10 year old who chooses to wear short trousers all year - an odd few join him in the summer, but none in the winter. He isn't bothered, he does it because HE likes it, the rest just accept it without question. It would be very different if his mother was the force behind it.

It's not gender specific though. There are heaps for boys all over the media just now wearing cardigans. They were popular in the 80s and 80s fashion is back in fashion. I don't get the issue link to bullying, I hear what you are saying....but I genuinely don't understand it. None of the boys in my sons class have ever commented on fashion. They are too busy arguing who can be spiderman or batman. The only issues he has come across are one like "you can't play, your not fast enough" etc. it's a cardi not a tutu.

There is a time for rugged individualism and it's not your first day at school.

Besides it's not him that's concerned with him being a style icon, it's you.

It's not that cardigans aren't for boys- my very clothes conscious ds has several. It's that in a state school uniform, cardigans are, in my experience, on the girl's list, not the boys.

They have years ahead of adapting uniform-there is no need for their mother to start at 4 years of age! Leave it to them.

And I haven't mentioned bullying. What I am saying is that the feeling of Wearing The Wrong Thing is a very unpleasant one, and one that I would like to spare a child of mine if I can do it without compromising any principles!

it was me and it wasnt that i wanted to send him in a dress, he chose on more than one occasion on non uniform day to go in a dress. but i had a different name then 4madboys (had to change it due to issues with dps work which is also why the thread had to be removed, which was a shame as it was an interesting debate) plus i got told i should include my dd in my name as i was leaving her out! lol.

anyway the ops son has a cardigan and jumpers i am sure he will wear whichever he feels like whichever is clean and i think cardigans for boys are far more common than some people seem to think they are.

btw the thread wasnt about him going to school in a dress, it was about the fact that his other dresses ( fancy dress tinkerbell one and a pink party dress that were gifts) had been outgrown, he wanted new ones and i asked if i was being unreasonable to buy him new ones. the response was mixed actually and we did buy him new ones, which he dresses up in when he feels like, they are just in the fancy dress box with a massive variety of other fancy dress, my ds2, ds3 and ds4 are all very into fancy dress, from star wars, to buzz lightyear to scooby doo, a variety of animals and also fairy outfits! shocking indeed.

After reading lots of seeker's posts, I'd never have her down as a conformist .

Therefore I guess she must be saying this for a very good reason.

But you've bought it now so I hope he continues to like it. If not, you can always get him a jumper.

She is saying it through experience. The very best advice I got from someone was go to the school gate and see what they actually wear before you buy.

If you are new to school it is sensible to listen to the voice of experience and not just think that you know better.

the op isnt new to the school tho, her dd already attends? or at least that was what i read?

I think I would ask dd, actually! She goes there, and she knows what it's like. My older one is very useful for tips and info, from an insider's perspective.

On another note, OP has bought an awful lot of knitwear for a YR child! Mine had a sweatshirt and a cardigan and that was it (for knitwear. They had pinafores/skirts/shirts as well!)

Some posters are having a hard time believing its normal for boys to wear cardigans to school. Lots of boys at our school wear the cardigan option. Lots of boys at other local schools wear cardigans. Maybe some posters have never seen it because they live in a jumpers ghetto and I'm sure such places exist but it's actually quite normal. Repeat to fade.

Fantastic. If boys wear cardigans to this particular school then obviously there isn't a problem. So why the thread? It would be like me posting to ask whether it was unreasonable for me to buy my ds grey school trousers!

Our school has lists for girls' uniform cardigan or jumper, for boys' uniform just jumper. No mention of cardigan on the boys' uniform list.

My 8 week old ds is currently wearing a white cardi. Am I setting him up for a life of misery?

There are some crazy views on boys in cardi's out there.

If it was common for boys to wear cardigans at the OP's school, then why were there lots of raised eyebrows when she mentioned it to people who, presumably, live locally?

I think your post is disingenuous seeker. You know why the OP asked - because lots of people have the idea that this is somehow strange and that he will stand out and be bullied. Lots of others have posted to say, no it's normal round our way. Your mileage may vary.

If it was common for boys to wear cardigans at the OP's school, then why were there lots of raised eyebrows when she mentioned it to people who, presumably, live locally?

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice.

Takingiteasy- if you read the thread you will see that the issue is not boys in cardis, it is boys wearing an item of school uniform that is on the girl's list but not the boy's. And whether or not it's a good idea for a parent to show the world what a free spirit she is by dressing their child differently to the other uniform wearing 4 year olds.