To buy my son a cardigan for his school uniform

[clemetteattlee]

I was asking some friends about this last night and was surprised at the strength of some reactions so I thought I'd ask the Mumsnet jury.
My son is 4 and due to start full-time school in September. i have started to think about which bits of uniform to start getting him and thought I might look around for a boy's cardigan for him. In my head this is not that different to the hooded cardigan things he wears now, it just wont have a hood. It would be easy for him to get on and off, and might look quite cute.
Anyway there were lots of raised eyebrows when I suggested this last night.
Would you buy one (actually this would be tricky as no-one seems to sell them, but in principle...?)

I have just asked DS1 (aged 8) what would happen if a boy came to school wearing a cardigan. He told me that everyone would laugh at them as it would be really funny.

I think it completely depends where you live and what your school is like - completely the norm here but obviously not where seeker and others are.

This is the first time I have semi disagreed with seeker and might have to go and have a lie down to recover

If wearing cardigans is the norm for boys in your school then of course wearing a cardigan is fine. But I don't think the OP would have started the thread if it was. And I don't think she would have said that she likes the idea of him looking a bit different if cardigans on boys were the norm, would she?

--

No. Ffs

You're probably right

normality is restored

My question of "is there anything WRONG with a cardigan?" was answered quite quickly.

I don't think it matters what they do elsewhere-go and see that particular school and see what they actually wear.
I don't think that I would want to send my child in something that has had 257 posts! If someone had posted that boys were supposed to wear a sweat shirt with the school logo, should they get one, there would be one answer saying 'yes' and nothing else to add except more people saying 'yes'!

The reason I started the thread was because it is obviously an issue that divides opinion and surely they are the most interesting in AIBU. There has been no compelling reason for me not to but it has been interesting reading how people raise their boys.

But you still seem to be missing what everyone is saying to you.

It's NOT about if "boys should wear cardigans" . My ds has just turned 16 and he and all his friends often wear cardigans. They look nice. When my ds was about 4, he loved wearing a zip up cardigan like the one you linked to, because his Grandad wore cardigans like that and he wanted to be like Grandad. Again, no problem. He looked nice, and that's fine.
What people are trying to explain to you is, that, when you start a new school at 4, the most sensible option is to have a look at what the "norm" is, and follow that. If said child then wants to be quirky or whatever you want to call it later - fine - that's their decision, but give them the chance to start the same as other children in the first instance seems to be the advice of all the experienced parents on here.

Absolutely fine if you don't want to, but then, why post if you are going to do what you want to do anyway ?

I UNDERSTAND what people are saying. I just don't happen to agree. And as we have established there is no "norm" here it is less that relevant.

I posted in AIBU as I was interested in a discussion of why boys can't wear cardigans; disappointingly it has just become a repetition of spurious reasons why they shouldn't, many of which have not actually read my answers or have chosen to ignore them.

There is only one reason why a boy should not wear a cardigan.

It is this. If he is going into a situation where the vast majority of boys do not wear cardigans and they are thought of as a thing girls wear AND the boy concerned is not of an age to make a conscious, informed decision. A 4 year old who has not been to school before just can't make that decision. After a week at school, they he might well be able to. But not before he has seen what the other boys wear. It is not fair to make that decision for him.

And as I said earlier, why does the same not apply to boys with long hair then?

Or does it because the vast majority of boys have short hair and long hair is thought of as a thing girls have AND the boy concerned is not of an age to make a conscious, informed decision?

I simply don't see the distinction between this and the decisions other parents make about their children's appearance at this age.

Well, I do think if a boy is regularly mistaken for a girl because he has long hair then the parents ought to consider getting it cut.

But the difference is that boys have hair of all lengths. In our school at least, and as far as I am aware, boys in all our surrounding primary schools do not wear school uniform cardigans.

I will let you know how it goes when he wears his.

The argument of 'why boys can't wear cardigans' is a different argument to 'why a boy shouldn't wear a cardigan when he is starting school and all the other boys wear jumpers'.
You are choosing to make him different because you are placing greater emphasis on what you think rather than what he/ his peers think. If you went to a wedding and, following convention, people wore anything but white, would you turn up wearing a white dress because you think you should be able to wear what you want?

It is nothing to do with how you raise boys - it is as TuftyFinch says

Cardigans look so cute on boys. :)

Tufty, have you actually read this whole thread or have you just decided to deliberately misinterpret what I have said?
I am an ex-teacher, a governor at my children's school and fully supportive of the uniform policy. He has the OPTION to wear a cardigan so I am buying him one. It is hardly defying convention to buy him something from the list.

Many of you seem to be claiming that you are doing this to somehow protect my son from social vilification, but actually you are just imposing YOUR assumptions as to how children react. That may be your experience, it hasn't been mine.

Underlying this is a belief that there is a certain way a child needs to look to be accepted. That makes me sad. As many posters earlier in the thread wrote, why has a cardigan been added to the list of things that are "wrong"?

I still think that the advice that I was given was the sensible one. Look at the list and then find what they actually wear before buying. E.g DS's secondary school had a v necked jumper - no one wore it - pleased I found out first.

Haven't read whole thread, but a couple of boys in DS1's class (Y1) wear cardis (one is definitely a cast-off from an older sister, although is just a plain cardi, no frills ) and they look v cute. Am thinking of getting one for DS2 when he starts. Am not aware of any teasing as a result, I really don't think they notice what each other wear at that age.

No, your OP never posed the question 'why can't boys wear cardigans'. You asked if you were being unreasonable to buy one for your son starting school, and you asked if others would do this.

You have had answers, and not agreeing with all of them is fine, but it's not fair to say that everyone who answered that they wouldn't, or would do something else in that situation is saying 'boys can't wear cardigans'. I think you're being rather obtuse.

actually I asked "would you buy one?" because I was interested in the reasons people wouldn't. There has been ONE reason given, it has just been repeated in the hopes that be shouting it at me I would be beaten into accepting that it is a valid one. But it does remain the only one.

So:
You start a thread in AIBU. You're told over and over 'yes'. You ignore all opinions on the basis of spurious social/gender conformities.
I think what you wanted to hear was 'he'll look cool/cute. Well done for not conforming to gender stereotypes'.
Everyone mostly has said they don't agree with gender stereotypes but when a child starts school they do want to look/ be the same.
A Cardigan might be on the uniform list but the question you constantly ignored through the whole thread is 'do the other children wear cardigans?'. Your child is 4. It is school. It's not a competition for coolest kid.
You are over thinking it and have misplaced your priorities if the issue of a Cardigan is your burning issue for September. My DD starts reception in September and upper most int thoughts are: will she settle, be happy etc not what she'll wear. But still we're all different.

Tufty - if you count up the "no" and "yes" votes for a cardigan you'll probably find, in terms of numbers of posters, that the "yes" wins it.

It's just the "no" posters have posted more often. Because they are really against cardigans.

If I could be bothered I would count the number of responders and see that the responses have been pretty much 50/50, but that those who oppose it are opposing it many times over.
I haven't ignored the question. I have replied a number of times that some of the older boys wear cardigans.
And I don't really have concerns about him settling in. He knows the school, he has lots of friends starting, he has been for a number of settling in sessions, he has his big sister there, I know his teacher and he is used to being away from home all day as I work full-time.

Anyway, enough cardigans. DH who had reservations yesterday about the cardigan has just read the thread and laughed. I told him at the start of yesterday that the only objection would be "but boys don't do that, what if he stands out?!" He is surprised to find that to be the case but at least it has made him come around to the idea that a cardigan is no big deal.