Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy my son a cardigan for his school uniform

291 replies

clemetteattlee · 28/06/2012 14:17

I was asking some friends about this last night and was surprised at the strength of some reactions so I thought I'd ask the Mumsnet jury.
My son is 4 and due to start full-time school in September. i have started to think about which bits of uniform to start getting him and thought I might look around for a boy's cardigan for him. In my head this is not that different to the hooded cardigan things he wears now, it just wont have a hood. It would be easy for him to get on and off, and might look quite cute.
Anyway there were lots of raised eyebrows when I suggested this last night.
Would you buy one (actually this would be tricky as no-one seems to sell them, but in principle...?)

OP posts:
seeker · 29/06/2012 09:42

Drjohnsonscat- the point is whether it's usual for boys to wear cardigans at the school the OP's child is going to. it doesn't actually matter what happens at other schools! It looks to me from this thread, as well as from my own experience that it is quite unusual- and I do suspect that if it was usual at the OP's school, then she woudn't have asked.

I feel very strongly about people living through their children.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 09:42

I think the fact that there is a thread about it, if the OP thinks it is so normal and not a problem and any suggestion to the contrary is from hysterics who think children should conform at any cost or else be bullied, suggests that the cardigan wearing does reflect a broader intention to be 'different' and make a name for the brother of alpa girl.

ariadne1 · 29/06/2012 09:54

I have never seen a boy in a school cardigan at any of the schools in this area.I have just googled boys school cardigans and been unable to find any.
FGS don't send him in anything deifferent , especially not anything perceived to be girly, that will make him a target.Why would you want to do that to him?

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 09:58

Not all schools have lists by sex though, mine doesn't.

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 10:03

Shorts aren't the norm at my boys school, neither are tank tops. Both allowed just not worn a lot. My son was happily skipping off in both this morning. I hate this notion we should make our children as bland as possible to avoid bullies. How about teaching kids to not bully and be more accepting of anything that isn't a jumper?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 10:10

Oh flipping heck, no-one is saying be bland so you won't get bullied, they are just saying the decision to be different should come from the child not the parent.

Shorts haven't been the norm at our primary this year as it's been so chilly, though I think they usually are - same goes for gingham dresses for all but year 6 girls!

seeker · 29/06/2012 10:13

""Shorts aren't the norm at my boys school, neither are tank tops. Both allowed just not worn a lot. My son was happily skipping off in both this morning. I hate this notion we should make our children as bland as possible to avoid bullies."

Presumably your son's choice? That's the point!

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 10:15

Mind you, I might be worried about the happy skipping.... Wink

That was a joke, just in case anyone gets cross!

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 10:20

Not explicitly my son's choice. He's 6, I bought his school uniform last year without his input. He's not overly interested. This morning I went into the uniform basket and said 'here its a braw day, put these on'. He didn't object.

Is that his choice? It's certainly not me ?forcing him. I don't think the op is forcin her son is she?

seeker · 29/06/2012 10:20

"hello birds, hello flowers" sa Fotherington-Thomas

[that was a joke too]

takeonboard · 29/06/2012 10:21

"How about teaching kids to not bully and be more accepting of anything that isn't a jumper?"

Good luck with changing human nature!

ariadne1 · 29/06/2012 10:25

Also I'm just wondering where you are planning on buying a boys school cardigan from?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 10:31

Any fule no it was a joke Seeker Wink

My dd would not bully a boy for wearing a cardigan, but I can absolutely picture the conversation between her and friend in the back of the car as I drive them somewhere - 'who's that kid in early years who wears the cardigan?' - 'oh yeah, that one, why does he do that?'; 'which early years have you got to buddy?' 'the cardigan boy'. etc.

We have a father who is increasingly obviously outing himself as a pre-op transexual in our playground. Plenty of parents and children are very accepting of this, and dd has been irritated by the 'look at that man, he thinks he's a woman or something!' comments. But the comments will get made, and they do, even in a small school of 250, not everyone is going to be tolerant and non-judgmental and it's naive to think that they will.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 10:32

BTW, am not saying a cardigan makes a child a pre-op transexual, obviously! I'm just making an analogy with a situation which of course everyone should be accepting towards, but they just won't - not all of them.

dinkystinky · 29/06/2012 10:34

Only read OP - I bought a cardigan for DS1 for reception (as well as 2 jumpers). He steadfastly refused to wear it (due to the buttons Hmm) - I suspect it was really due to the other boys only wearing jumpers and the girls all wearing cardigans really - so it was a waste of money.

Original poster
clemetteattlee · 29/06/2012 11:10

Blimey this goes on.
Seeker the list is not gender specific. There isn't a separate list for boys and girls.
The people I asked on Wednesday were people whose oldest were just starting at the school this year. A Facebook survey yesterday (i am taking this very seriously/off work and twiddling my thumbs) was much more positive, ought shared my disappointment that there are no Simon Amstell-esque ones available.
When I asked DD this morning she shrugged and said "you mean like X across the road" (he's in Y6).
The cardigan I have BOUGHT has a zip.

I am not trying to be "whacky" or cool or whatever else people have determined. He wears hooded cardigans every day at home, there's an option for him to wear a cardigan to school, I have bought him one that looks like many of his others but without the hood (posted the link last night). Aside from the cardigan I disagree fundamentally that it is essential that all four year olds go around looking identical at school. It makes me grateful that we live in a tolerant, cosmopolitan urban community and that my children go to a school (and I am involved in the governance of a school) where no-one bats an eyelid about things much more "unusual" than this.

The thread was because I was interested in this take on "gendered" clothing.

As for the amount of knitwear, I have learnt from DD's experience of getting things filthy/losing things. Because I don't do pick-ups generally I don't get to go and rummage through the lost property, and our school do seem very keen on indelible paint. I only do laundry at the weekends so have enough so I don't have to worry if everything gets dirty every day.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/06/2012 11:22

Then in the situation you have described, no, YANBU to have bought him it! But since you also wanted to discuss the wider issues, as you say, I don't think it's fair to now say 'oh is this still going on!' and I also think it's wrong to say that anyone who expresses reservations about this as an idea is proposing identikit conformity at any price.

limitedperiodonly · 29/06/2012 11:31

My friend bought her DH a checked shirt from a list he'd chosen from his favourite shop.

He refused to wear it again after his friends ribbed him all day for wearing a 'teatowel' and 'something your wife bought you' - she did but he chose it but was too ashamed to say that.

I guess they're still asking about it because a lot of men like to tell the same hilarious jokes over and over again.

He's was 36. Most males never grow out of being afraid not to conform and 'banter' bullying another male who looks different.

Original poster
clemetteattlee · 29/06/2012 11:31

Bring on a discussion about whether we should "gender" our children's clothing and reinforce such things in the name of conformity then...

The main reservation to this seems to be he might have a comment made in he playground. He might have a comment made because his mummy is rarely at the school gate, he might have a comment made because of something his sister has done, he might have a comment made because one of his close male friends has hair below his shoulders, he might have a comment made because another close friend has two mummies, he might have a comment made because he likes Star Wars and the other children like Ben 10, he might have a comment made because his writing is not well formed. The list goes on and on. My job is surely to teach him how to weather comments because they might come about anything or everything (or they may not come at all) not wring my hands in an attempt to never lay him open to the chance of a comment.
On the cardigan issue I can see the point that some of the more militant amongst you are making that I would be deliberately placing him in danger of getting teased, but reading brought the posts has made me realise that my boy is robust enough to cope if the worst that was said is "cardigans are for girls".

OP posts:
cantspel · 29/06/2012 11:32

a cardigan with a zip is not a school cardigan.
School ones are made of naff man made fibers with big shiney buttons to match the colour of the naff man made fiber with v necks.

Not a major fashion statement as you can buy them from littlewoods online

littlewoods.com/top-class-boys-fashion-school-cardigan/920599359.prd

cantspel · 29/06/2012 11:32

littlewoods.com/top-class-boys-fashion-school-cardigan/920599359.prd

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 11:36

My mates still rip the piss out of me over the orange jeans I wore when we were 13. I rib my sister over the brown cords she loved.

Your friends dh needs to grow a pair if he's moping about getting a ribbing for a shirt!

Original poster
clemetteattlee · 29/06/2012 11:36

Sad to limitedperiod.
I think I must just hang around with different men.

OP posts:
Original poster
clemetteattlee · 29/06/2012 11:38

Cantspel Shock at the prospect of putting anything like that on him Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
clemetteattlee · 29/06/2012 11:40

And £13!!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread