To not want to leave newborn DD with my ex?

[snowdropsinmay]

This could be long, sorry.

I am 33 weeks pregnant with DD, first baby. DH and I split up 2 weeks ago now, I don't really want to go into it but it wasn't a nice situation, and I know it's early days but I have no plans to go back.

SO DH is now obviously worried about how custody arrangements are going to work, his suggestion is that while I am on maternity leave ( one year) I have DD in the week during the day, and he has her overnight Friday and through to Sunday evening. He wants to start this arrangement as soon as shee's born from the word go. I haven't agreed to anything yet, but I have told him I don't feel comfortable being seperated from her so quickly for so long. His response is that he's her dad and he deserves an equal amount of time with her.

For other reasons I'm not sure I'm comfortable leaving DD alone with DH as it is, and for such long periods of time so soon seems just horrific to me. Or am I being completely selfish not letting him 'share' DD? I don't know anymore.

Thank you

Went to the police today, so it is all now documented. I'm looking into supervised contact in a contact centre for no more than an hour at a time once DH has sorted his head out, not immediately though.

wfhmumoftwo apparently DH doesn't think he can be parted from DD, but he doesn't want to spend time with me atm :( Now I'm not trying to say he's any less DD's parent than I am, but...

Well done, snowdrop, very well done :)

I'm sure that was the last thing you felt like doing at this stage of your pregnancy, but it was worth doing.

Hope you are feeling OK.

Have you got good support in RL?

Good for you, snowdrop

don't be bullied by this excuse of a man

for heaven's sake! don't be so ridiculous. he can't have such long access to a tiny child. he can't have unsupervised access. she needs her mum! he can visit for up to two hours, at a time of your convenience. get a lawyer and don't stand for any nonsense.

I had bad PND and my marriage went to shit for a while. DH never even came close to any sort of violence. I'm sorry OPs ex has suffered, but you know what? We all have relatives die. Our mothers have died or will die.

On first reading this thread I was sympathetic to a naive young dad terrified of being pushed out, who just needed to read up on breastfeeding and attachment in the newborn and back off. I am a big supporter of shared parenting and eyeroll when I see people give advice to newly single, vulnerable people that could lead to fathers being forced out: the split is between the parents, not the kids. But here? He is a DANGER to this baby and this baby's mother and I am so, so relieved she has taken such courageous steps - in advanced pregnancy, and when already coping with so much. OP, I take my hat off to you. You are amazing. Your little one is a lucky bean, to have a mother with her head so firmly screwed on.

I'd post a new thread in relationships, tbh. There are a lot of people there who'll offer excellent and ongoing support.

well done that must have been very hard for you to do but it was the best thing for your safety. and im also very very impressed you did it so quick as well

You've done really well snowdrop. Stay calm, you have done the right thing. You must put yourself first, your baby needs you. Hope you get all the help you need and do come back whenever you need support.