DS's school

[worrywortisworrying]

OK... very calmly and rationally (and possibly very long), I am going to put down all the facts and ask all you lovely MN'ers whether IABU or not...

FACTS:

1. DS is 4
2. DS has been awarded a place in our local state school for Reception, starting Sept 2012 (First choice)
3. DS currently attends a private nursery (read childcare, not preschool) 2 mornings a week (funded by 15 hours provision)
4. DS has a diagnosis of High functioning Autism (in simple terms: Very high IQ (around 200) and very poor social skills)
5. I am currently applying for a statutory assessment (to provide a statement)

Current issue:
The proposed school do not wish to accept DS in September, but have him stay at nursery, but do longer hours which would have to be privately funded (almost £800 per month for him to do 9-3)
The school will then 'look at' transitional move starting around January 2013 but could be as long as September 2013.

So, AIBU to think this is a pants 'solution' for DS, which will distance him from his peer group (there will be no other child in the nursery of his 'year) and not give him anywhere near the academic input he needs or am I being completely irrational, emotional and over reacting about my PFB staying at nursery? And having to pay £800 for the 'privilege'????

Opinions please!

It's actually a bit worse with DS... He has a couple of friends. Let's say one of them is a 5YO red head called SAM. DS will call every boy that fits that general description: SAM. Even when the child repeatedly corrects my DS, he will continue to call that child SAM and then look at them a bit like when they don't answer him

I have really appreciated the support. I still feel that I've done the right thing to cancel his nursery place. It will give so much more clarity to what might happen at school, though I am 99% certain I will HE.

I'm a primary head teacher and a mum of an AS child. I already love your boy!! It is the school's responsibility to make your son's transition smooth. He has a high IQ and should not be in nursery. He needs to be in SCHOOL with his peers and working on his social skills. Sod his academic skills for a while! He will be far ahead of the others anyway. It is not your problem how many kids the school has taken in. Their needs don't get priority over DS's needs. Tell them he's starting in Sept.

Thanks Mushroom I love him too . My real worry about school is that they will set him up to fail. Infact, almost by default, he has to fail in order to get the statement he needs, as he has to prove he needs it .

Regardless of all the legalities, the bottom line is this is my gorgeous little boy and it's dreadful thinking of him in a unhappy environment where he isn't wanted because he can be a bit of a PITA!

Verity - Sleeper trains are a bit of a speciality! There are two that run in mainland UK:

London - Scotland
which starts out as the longest train in the UK from London at about 9pm and then splits off into 3 trains during the night, so you can go to Edinburgh, Inverness or Fort William.
We took it to Fort William for DS's 4th birthday and it was a blast! We are taking it back from Inverness to London after the Point2point toddle

And Night Riviera which is London to Penzance. We are taking it from Penzance to London.

Worry my 5yo is into the Battle of Britain too (and other planes) He had to do a mini project on an animal for homework. He was originally going to do the Hawk, so he could talk about the Red Arrows. Then changed to lions. However the last page had a picture of a Lancaster Bomber with the caption. "This is a WWII bomber. A Lancaster bomber NOT a lion."

Luckily his teacher thought this was very funny.

Have you been to Brooklands or Imperial War museum? Brooklands is worth a visit. Ds just ends up standing in awe and then spouting his knowledge to rather surprised volunteers.

We've been to the one in Hendon. That's the only RAF museum we've been to.

Brooklands we've been to a couple of times. It's only got certain makes-I think Hurricanes but not Spitfires. It's also got cars as well. It's quite close to us so we've been a couple of times. There's a Concorde (extra price) and when we went you could sit in a Harrier.

We've also been to Duxford imperial War museum. That's got loads, and they had making a Hurricane in air fix for a free activity. Only thing is dragging ds out of the shop because he could see so much he wanted to have.

At present he's asking for a WWII RAF uniform. Found somewhere that did the fabric for reenactions. £38 per metre, plus VAT That'll be a "no thanks!". We're still looking for fabric, I have the buttons from my dgrandpa's uniform. He was in the Battle of Britain, ds was very excited to find his name on the Battle of Britain memorial last summer, and he loves looking through the photos of him with his planes etc. Unfortunately he never met him.

Ahh.. Brooklands is Mercedez Benz world, isn't it? We've not been to the museum, but have been to Mercedez Benz world.

Have you been to the place in Hendon? It does old uniforms for kids...

DeWe, try Army Surplus - i have one in easy walking distance if you want me go check it out :)

RAF My Dbro is RAF and he gave my DS a book about it. It's basically the career guide book but DS 'reads' it in bed every night.

Brooklands is next to Mercedez Benz world, but has much much more there. You can often go on various airplanes, the one that belonged to a Sultan is a real eye opener (my NT son got to try the controls of one plane once).

I think you need to get the statement sorted asap and get the school named on it.
They cannot just say he will be better off in nursery (or wherever) without backing it up via a formal assessment. Well, obviously they can "say" it; but would need to produce evidence to back it up.

You could also possibly look at the disability discrimination act/equalities act or whatever it calls itself now. Ask why your ds has been chosen to stay in nursery rather than other children.

If all else fails then you could call their bluff re the nyursery - do they know that the nursery would keep your son on; they would need to make that arrangement not you. Also they would need to pay for it.......

I can get Ds standard RAF cadet stuff from army surplus, but he wants the full officer's uniform, the smart jacket and trousers. So I need fabric, which I doubt army surplus sells, but I'll ask ours. Thanks for the idea.
I'll try contacting Hendon as well.

I'm always surprised at the reactions ds gets when he says that he wants to go into the RAF. Most people turn to me and ask if I'll be putting him off.

How accurate does the feel need to be? Would a heavy drill cotton be acceptable?

A residential SS i worked in had a minibus full go off to army cadets, it's quite a common one for dc on the spectrum - nice clear rules and expectations apparently :)

I love how this thread has gone off into AS kids' mad obsessions
With my boy (13 today!) it's gaming levels :-/

Happy birthday MushroomBoy Hope you have a lovely day.

I actually quite like DS's obsession. DD flits between one thing and the next, but with DS, you can be sure he's goin gto stick to trains!!

Haha verity I'm taking no responsibility

Hehe - my lad is not ASD, very quirky and I would say borderline though!

Back to your original op

What specific concerns do the school have about your ds starting in September

What do you think the school can offer him that will engage him, does he love learning? I am assuming that he will be happy because there will be far more interesting stuff to him going on at school at an intellectual level although coping with it socially will be very difficult.

I am horrified at the suggestion he should stay at nursery!

One of my dds nursery mates was reluctantly accepted into her class by the school (not ASD different SEN altogether) however it was in part because there was a fantastic specialist school available and he did eventually go there and the parent now realises that it would have been the best education provider for her dc even from nursery level.

Random List is:

1. Safety: DS has a fascination with locks. And an IQ of nearing 200. There aren't many he can't open. This can present a danger to both himself (though he'd just come home and we live around the corner) and others (he's left 2 other children out of his nursery, and there have been 6 incidents in total. His nursery is much more secure than the school will be)

1. Obedience: DS is not obedient in any way shape or form. In fact, he is extremely defiant. Just because the other 29 children can be expected to line up doesn't mean DS will. And waiting his turn is not something DS is good at. Shoving other kids IS something DS is good at.

1. Behaviour: DS is massively intelligent. He can be extremely confrontational if he knows or believes a point to be incorrect. I don't know where he gets that and he knows ALOT more than you would expect the average 4YO to know.

To be honest, I don't really disagree with the school's reluctance, which is why I'm so strong on HE. If DS wasn't my son and was creating problems for my DC, I'd probably complain, so it isn't difficult for me to accept that other parents would feel the same.

I have given notice at the nursery and they appear relieved about the whole thing. Sadly, I don't think the specialist school for DS exists - if anyone knows of a school that specialises in extremely high IQ / poor social skill children, I'd love to hear about them.

Hmmm I would look hard to specialist schools, not neccesarily for now but for when he is older.

So with 1 2 1 he could be okay.

The school will have to increase it's security because it should be secure!!!!!

I was a student in Hendon

In a way it seems to me that he has to do to school for them not to cope to make the LEA fund him as an urgent case. I guess you need to find out his rights to an education and how to get it enforced.

My dds have had various "interesting" dc in their respective classes fortunately all those who required it seemed to start with a statement and a funded 1 to 1 in place already

Live very very close to Brooklands/Mercedes Benz world now - LOL!

Random - we are applying for a statement, but it's unlikely to be in place by September.

1-2-1 is a dream for DS. He excels in this situation.

My big worry is 'proving' what DS 'needs' is not actually what DS NEEDS. Hence HE. I disliked school intently. I didn't ever really get the social rules. I am not sure his father (my DH) did either, though we both did well educationally. I go round and round about what the right thing to do is