DS's school

[worrywortisworrying]

OK... very calmly and rationally (and possibly very long), I am going to put down all the facts and ask all you lovely MN'ers whether IABU or not...

FACTS:

1. DS is 4
2. DS has been awarded a place in our local state school for Reception, starting Sept 2012 (First choice)
3. DS currently attends a private nursery (read childcare, not preschool) 2 mornings a week (funded by 15 hours provision)
4. DS has a diagnosis of High functioning Autism (in simple terms: Very high IQ (around 200) and very poor social skills)
5. I am currently applying for a statutory assessment (to provide a statement)

Current issue:
The proposed school do not wish to accept DS in September, but have him stay at nursery, but do longer hours which would have to be privately funded (almost £800 per month for him to do 9-3)
The school will then 'look at' transitional move starting around January 2013 but could be as long as September 2013.

So, AIBU to think this is a pants 'solution' for DS, which will distance him from his peer group (there will be no other child in the nursery of his 'year) and not give him anywhere near the academic input he needs or am I being completely irrational, emotional and over reacting about my PFB staying at nursery? And having to pay £800 for the 'privilege'????

Opinions please!

What can they do if you tell them that your DS will be starting with the rest of his peers?

To be fair to the school - they have been placed in a very difficult position - 150 children WTAF that must be a complete logistical nightmare - we rejected a school that was YR75 (3*25) as too big!!

Can you go to the team in council and speak to someone their?

I know it is late in the day, but this school doesn't sound ideal. Have you had any dealings with the council educational psychologist service attached to the school area (lots work as "neighbourhoods" so cover a number of schools. Can you phone and speak to someone for advise?

What a sad thread. I'm sorry you are going through this. I only have experience of a lovely cofe school that was absolutely right for my two dc who didn't have any problems. However, in every other year group there was a child similar to your son. When parents accepted there was a problem and sought help and wanted to work with the school things were fine. When parents would not accept there was a problem, insisted their children were uber bright and the school had a problem there was no resolution and it was the child who suffered. Regrettably also the others in the class - recalls reception when my dd constantly had to sit with a similar boy because she was a placid child who stayed calm and they thought she could handle it. Actually she couldn't and it was grossly unfair that she was expected to. It came to a head when he stabbed her with a compass and I kicked up merry hell.

The average primary has 30 children in a class one teacher and one ta with an extra ta for a statemented child. Take out registration, break, lunch time, assembly and that leaves about 3.5 hours of teaching and learning. Divide the number of minutes by the number of children and that works out at about five minutes a day or less per child. The system is not set up to support children who need one to one support; it is set up for the majority of children who should not be put in a situation where scarce resources are even more limited. This is an area where inclusion doesn't always work and which needs vastly increased funding.

That does not take away from the awfulness of your situation but in your shoes I would write to the LA and I would set out the facts, set out that they are obliged to provide your son's education, set out that he is legally obliged to education from September and set out that it is illegal for a school to expect you to fund the nursery place. Ask them to set out what they will doing to support your son. Ask them to set out what they are doing about formally assessing him and his needs. Ask them what provision they will be putting in place for him. Accept that he has special needs which need to be nurtured before he can maximise his academic potential and ensure those needs are met. Also copy your local councillor - look them up and find out if any are on the education committee. Do it for your son, he is worth it.

Aware this post will be exceptionally unpopular.

Is there any way that you or your partner can act as his 1-1 until the LEA have funded a TA?

The school are being unreasonable. You know what is best for your son. In your shoes I would be inclined to work out what arrangements will work best and TELL the school what you expect to happen in September.

Bonnie - I have suggested that I will be his 1-2-1.

Scot and Married - I take your points completely. I am NOT blaming the school, the head (especially) is lovely. The school ARE over capacity and the last thing I want to do is place my son in a school that cannot cope with him and 29 sets of parents (there will be 30 children in every class) who just see DS as the problem child and the reason their children aren't progressing as they should.

Married - your post is NOT unpopular. Infact, I welcome your views. I need to see a clear big picture. Not get emotionally charged about my DS.

But that doesn't mean I am going to accept that my DS should stay at nursery because it makes everyone else's life easier.

You guys have given me the push I needed to take him out of nursery.

What I really want is for the school to admit they cannot take him. At the moment, they are refusing to admit that but want me to take the decision for them.

Both my elder two children have/had children with ASD in their class and it hasn't hindered their learning at all.

However, their school is operating at it's normal capacity (3 x 30 per year) and hadn't got 60 extra children to shoehorn in and control. In defence of your school they have been put in an unenviable position. But your DS should not pay the price and nursery is absolutely not the right place for him.

You asked what other people with children in the school would think about it.

If my NT child was going into this school, in this year, and I heard about this, I would be seriously questioning whether I wanted my DS to go to a school that was willing to discriminate so blatantly against a child who has as much right to be educated in an age-appropriate environment as any other child.

Would the school be suggesting that a severely dyslexic child remained in nursery for an extra year? Or a child who uses a wheelchair? If they can educate him by making reasonable adjustments then they should be doing so, just as they would be expected to do for a child who needs wheelchair access or assistance with reading and writing.

It should be about looking at the child and working out how to accommodate them, not about looking at the disability and saying "ooh, that's a problem."

I would be looking at another school.

Thankyou Kungfu Your post is very kind.

Are you sure you want the school to admit they can't take him? I don't mean to sound patronising or off in any way, but if you haven't got any options for other schools, what woudo happen if they do say they can't accept him?

The thing is that they can't do that anyway, whether or not it's the truth. They just need to be pushed into accepting that they do have to deal with this and start working out how they are going to meet the needs of all the children starting with them.

It could be that they are just very overwhelmed at the moment because of the bulge classes, but once they work out how to get support they need from outside agencies and once they have seen everything in action they will be a lot more supportive.

Have to say, I am quite surprised by Married's post, especially as I usually agree with her (your if you are reading,) posts completely. I understand the point that is being made, I felt similarly once upon a time when my ds2 was in pre school. There are times when inclusion for inclusions sake is detrimental to both the child in question and the rest of the class, but so much of this can depend on how it's managed by the school, and more specifically, the individual LSA. When there is violence involved its especially difficult and I believe safeguarding the rest of the class has to come before inclusion in those instances, but the majority of children that require one to one support are far from violent.

OP, I applaud you for tying to see the bigger picture, that can be hard when it's your baby in the centre of it, but don't ever lose sight of what your ds has to offer the school as well. He has as much to give back as any other child. it sounds like your ds has an amazing mind, and that deserves to be nurtured, for his benefit, but also for his future class.

If he's already been offered a place at the school starting September, aren't they legally obliged to take him? Am I missing something crucial here?

I didn't know it was possible to have an IQ of 200. I imagine that's going to be quite a challenge for any school.

married just to say the OP is the epitome of grace under pressure, but your post is unpopular with me. What was the point of it exactly? That inclusion is underfunded? I think the parents of SN children know that, ta. But good to know the 'majority of children' shouldn't even be in a situation where other kids need support. Most children need some support at some point in their life, you know.

Outraged - You are right, I really don't have too many options. But, I would still prefer them to be truthful with me. What infuriates me more than anything else is them trying to re-word what's been said to fit their 'policies'

Wilson - thankyou for your comments but I do believe Married is entitled to her opinions. This is what DS is going to have to deal with and forewarned is forearmed, so to speak.

I have deregistered DS from nursery this morning I am feeling very happy about this one small step right now. I am no closer to getting the school to accept him, but I have taken away their 'fall back' (which I was told via email at 6am this morning was 'my choice')

Hackmum - Yes, IQs of 200 are reasonably common. Not sure about the average 4YO, but I think it's safe to say that DS is not your average 4YO

He is really quite shockingly intelligent, but his social skills are shockingly bad (so, he could tell you about the Flying Scotsman or a Pendolino or the Battle of Britain, but would struggle if you asked him his name)

I think your DS sounds super cute - in fact I would love to meet him. So would my DS actually and they can discuss the finer points of the flying Scotsman for hours.

Don't worry about the name thing either - my DS couldn't give 2 hoots what someones called as long as they'll discuss trains with him (actually he doesn't even ask what people are called )

Youarekidding - Where ARE you???? Another child who adores the Flying Scotsman??????????? It's like a dream come true

South of England. My DS is also Hornby mad!! (hence how we came across the flying scotsman!) I often spend my evenings nodding along as he explains the finer points of trains to me, of how they tracks work and the numbers of this and that that adjust this and that and then........... I have got to the point where I just nod (poor lad) because even if I listen I don't understand him! He doesn't even notice I'm not actually listening!!

We are too. NE London / Watford.

I feel like I've met a kindred spirit!!!

Verity - you might want to check that with your dad first

Seriously, next week, me and DS (4) and my DD(2) are going from lands end to John O'Groats by train.

Seriously... NEVER tell your train mad child that they can plan a train journey. It's going to take a fortnight and is including BOTH Sleeper trains (DS has a special love of sleeper trains)

I AM OFFICIALLY beserk.

Seriously

Mad as a hatter - but how much fun!

I have some Tesco clubcard vouchers (not many!) and have been looking at using them for train related things. So far have looked at Watercress and also some Steam Railways.

DS will be in heaven!

I know... It's going to be ACE!!!

worry have no constructive advice but wholeheartedly agree with kungfu. It sounds like you have been let down by the nursery, who in my opinion should be fighting your corner (am a nursery manager by the way). I hope you get it all resolved one way or another.

"actually he doesn't even ask what people are called"

This drives me mad with my three. Less so with the 13 & 11 yo, they tend to observe the social niceties now, but up to about the age of 7 they didn't bother or think to ask.