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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just curl up and die of shame?

125 replies

ISwearImNotATramp · 24/06/2012 23:17

Me and DS's father are not an item.

So I'm currently on the period from hell, the other day I was out and about with DS, changed my pad, stuck it in a nappy sack (and tied it) and stuck it in the changing bag as the toilet had no bin. Completely forgot about it and today sent DS and the changing bag off to his dads.

Absolutely.Mortifying.

It would have been bad enough, but I found out when DS was dropped off my his fathers mum, who said she was dropping him off as she wanted to have a private word, they'd found a used pad with blood on, they were both very distressed and wanted to know why it was there. So not only did she open the closed nappy sack, she took the pad out and opened it?! (This was confirmed by my sons father)

I'm absolutely humiliated, but is it just me or is she bonkers? Wouldn't it be perfectly obvious why it was there? Or am I a complete tramp?

I feel like I've been deliberately embarrassed more than I needed to be by how she dealt with it.

Any thoughts while I dig a very large hole to hide in forever?

OP posts:
Ambrosius · 25/06/2012 08:55

Sounds like exactly the sort of thing my MIL would do. Angry

Socknickingpixie · 25/06/2012 08:59

I would sincerley hope she wasn't teaching dc such bad manors she was being very very tacky for mentioning it and again another fucking weirdo comment for even opening the nappy sack.

Next time your at her house use the loo go to laundry hamper and rub marmite into the gusset of every pair of knickers and ladys trousers you find and then either run screaming loudly from the house about your shock and distress or simpley don't say a word

Socknickingpixie · 25/06/2012 09:00

Forgot to say aforementioned knickers need to be draped so they are hanging and on full view

crashdoll · 25/06/2012 09:03

Don't feel embarrassed! She should be ashamed of looking through a nappy sack. Who does that FFS? And for mentioning it to you. What a cow. Hold your head high and take heed of some of the fab suggestions been given to you here. Wink

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 25/06/2012 09:06

How old are you and how old is she?

Could she be trying to 'show you who's boss' so to speak by confronting you about this? If she feels that you are young and inexperienced and she is older and knows it all?

I mean, what does she think it is? Surely she's seen used sanitary items before? Okay so they are most likely her own used items rather than someone else's but come on. Nobody ever expects to find sunshine and roses in a used nappy sack do they? And it wouldn't take the mind of Sherlock Holmes to put two and two together in this case.

When DS was in nappies we also used the nappy sacks to clean up after the dog when we were out and to put wet bibs or socks or whatever in until we got home, used spoons if we had to feed him while he was out. Those bags were used for everything but none of it was ever very pleasant if it came back out of the bag.

It's her own stupid, nosy fault for looking in a used nappy bag.

mygladhart · 25/06/2012 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 25/06/2012 09:08

What a stupid woman. It must have been quite clear that it wasn't clothes or similar in the nappy sack - she would have been able to see that it was a disposable item of some sort and yet she still went pocking around.

Is it really mean to hope she stuck her nosy little fingers right in before she realised what it was?

Tigresswoods · 25/06/2012 09:09
  1. Can't believe she opened it!
  1. Can't believe she'd bring it up.

Weirdos.

Noqontrol · 25/06/2012 09:34

Next time you see her ask her loudly 'why on earth would you open a tied nappy bag anyway. Do you often do that? Do you do that with ds's nappies? And why on earth didn't you put it in the bin like any normal person would do?' Take back control, don't let her try to undermine your confidence with her immature and rather petty humiliation tactics.

Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 25/06/2012 10:02

@Noones I'm 21 and she's mid-late fifties. It could well be her trying to assert authority because she's insecure that she doesn't see DS very much (and I think he played up while he was there as he's not very familiar with them)

She's always seemed judgey but it seems to me that she was purposely trying to be mean and make me feel small which is upsetting and unfair.

Comments have all helped immensely, I was miserable yesterday, holding my head a little higher today :)

OP posts:
pictish · 25/06/2012 10:04

I agree with tigress - they are weirdos to hassle you about this and make you feel bad!
Any woman who has ever had periods (all of us then) knows that these things can happen on occasion.
Had it been me I would've binned it without a word.

They are stoopid.

CrumpettyTree · 25/06/2012 10:06

Could you contact her and say "I wonder if I could have a private word. I accidentally left a nappy bag with a used ST in it in the changing bag and I'm quite distressed that instead of disposing of it, you fished it out to have a look. What a strange thing to do!"

Next time your at her house use the loo go to laundry hamper and rub marmite into the gusset of every pair of knickers and ladys trousers you find and then either run screaming loudly from the house about your shock and distress or simpley don't say a word. This made me laugh out loud. The OP would look bonkers if she did that! :o

TheRhubarb · 25/06/2012 10:08

I can only thing that she opened it thinking there might be soiled clothes in there or perhaps thinking, as she hadn't changed the baby yet, that you might have put something in a nappy bag that was meant for him.

If you are on the period from hell then I presume there was a fair amount of blood so maybe she was concerned that you'd miscarried? So her questioning might have been out of pure concern for you?

But hey ho, us women have periods and I'm sure she's dealt with a fair few of her own. It's a fact of life. Don't be embarrassed - she should be the embarrassed one!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 25/06/2012 10:09

She knows EXACTLY what it is and why its there. Just being a dickhead.

These things happen! I think we have all had a "bloody" drama at one time in our lives.

pictish · 25/06/2012 10:09

Also agree with Noqontrol - I'm a fairly assertive person and I reckon I'd have turned it back around by saying 'Err...I think it's pretty obvious I put it there for the want of anywhere better to put it, and forgot about it. Why are you humiliating me by making a fuss about it?'

What a pair of twats!

stmoritzsmells · 25/06/2012 11:04

not a nice way to deal with it, I agree, it made you more embarassed than you should have been!

get this then. I UNKNOWLINGLY left a pair of knickers (yes, unwashed, that is pretty mortifying) at dp's mums house. Me and her have never had the easiest relationship, so imagine my horror when one day I went into the kitchen to find said knickers laid out on top of my bag. for the world to see.
I dont think she did this intentionally but imo she should have actually kept the knickers and chucked them away. I would never in a million years embarass someone by giving them back a pair of their unwashed underwear let alone lay it out on top of their bag Hmm

Im dying of shame now.

stmoritzsmells · 25/06/2012 11:07

oh yeah and your ex's mother had no reason at all to open the bag. Thats disgusting, nosy, and plain NASTY.

we all know she's had periods from hell so maybe she should remember that next time rather than being apparently 'distressed' Hmm

angry for you op lol

MeconiumHappens · 25/06/2012 11:43

Ah yanbu, and she wanted to humiliate you or she would have whipped it to the bin and said nothing. She's a bitch. I suggest you ignore the bitch her.

Alternatively you could start a nappy bag hate campaign, dead squirrel roadkill and the like. If she was so distressed about a st she may well drop dead. Looking forward to that thread op Grin

PedanticPanda · 25/06/2012 11:57

Oh god this sounds like something I'd do, I'll share my embarrassing story with you too op to cheer you up;

Before DP and I moved in together I was staying at his and in the morning I stuffed my old knickers in my laptop bag when I was getting changed, then when I got home and took my laptop out I had forgotten all about the knickers and just put my bag in the corner.

Until a few weeks later when I was out and he had a job interview, he called and asked if he could use my laptop bag as his had broken and he didn't have another suitable bag to bring documents etc in. I was out at the time and didn't think twice about it needing emptied so I told him to just let himself in and take the bag.

He phoned me when he was finished to tell me that during the interview he reached in to the bag to get his documents and pulled out my dirty knickers Blush needless to say he didn't get the job and I still go bright red and cringe thinking about it.

bronze · 25/06/2012 12:13

Stmoritz
It's about tact isn't it
My now mil would have washed them put them in a bag and put them in my hands as I was leaving, nothing said never mentioned again. That's the way to deal with things

BlackOutTheSun · 25/06/2012 12:18

Tbh, I would have opened the nappy sack if I saw blood to see what it was.

But there would be no way I'd say anything. Just chuck it in the bin and never mention it again.

veritythebrave · 25/06/2012 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRhubarb · 25/06/2012 12:29

My MIL once held up a gel pad that I used in my bras which she'd found in the washing machine and asked in a very loud voice what it was. I was so embarrassed that I claimed not to know, so she actually went around to dh, his dad and his brother asking if they knew what it was!

Not having solved the mystery she threw it in the bin where I quickly retrieved it some hours later, resolving to use the launderette in future!

prettywhiteguitar · 25/06/2012 12:37

she was being extremely mean, hold your head high that you would never do that to someone 40 years younger than you !

KitCat26 · 25/06/2012 12:48

I'd be embarrassed but really cross with her. What a bitchy thing to do.

Do something along the lines of what Noqontrol and Pictish said and definitely haul her up on it. Don't let her get away with trying to humiliate you. You have done nothing wrong!

Opening a used pad (FFS that is not normal), then being horrified by it, what the hell did she expect? And then feeling the need to communicate this to you instead of disposing of it quietly, she is weird!

Oh and whoever had the cow in a nappy bag idea- perfect Grin

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