AIBU to think ils giving sil 75k for no apparent reason is rather strange?

[dreamsofshopping]

Hi, sil recently told my dh that their parents had paid this amount off her mortgage. She is early 30s, no dc and earns a very good wage. I know that it is none of our business, their choice and though such a gesture towards my husband wouldn't be turned down we are comfortable for which I am very grateful for. Dh states that he has no issues with this at all, which is great. I have no siblings so cannot relate. However Aibu? to think this is rather odd, why did she tell him? Just before I'm asked, I am not the biggest fan of the sil (or mil) so am abit biased for the start!

Do you own your home outright? Maybe it's important for your ILs to know that each of their children has the security of owning his or her own home, and if your dh already has that, they want to make the same possible for sil?

I wouldn't expect to have a lump sum unless my sister was having one, or vice versa, unless one of us was in desperate need. If it's tax efficient giving, I'd expect there to be discussion about it and assurances that it's being done fairly. Maybe my family are unusual though.

We have a mortgage, both work and manage just fine. sil is on over 40k so there are no money issues that she needed help with. I think they have told her not to say anything, she has and told my husband not to say anything.

Maybe they feel that as she's on her own she has noone to help her if , say, she becomes sick . They probably want her to have more security.

Maybe your dh will eventually receives £75k more than your sil when your ils die.

They are probably trying to reduce the size of their estate so that neither your OH or his sister get stung by inheritance tax.

Maybe it's because.....surprise surprise........as it always seems to be.......you are not keen on the MIL.......or SIL.

Fingers crossed my DSs are raging homosexuals that love their sister.

whats ur dh relationship like with his sister? was she rubbing his nose in it?
I would of been a bit peed if I was in your shoes. If I was their Mother I would feel guilty for "leaving the other out" and I could only divide my money equally. Doesn't seem fair at all, even if there is a story behind it.
If sil isn't going to share the reasons why, she should of kept her gob shut.
You are married to her brother, have kids by the sounds of it and you are well and truely part of the family. So I don't see why it shouldn't be any of your business....

Im not keen on either of them tbh as I said in the post for various reasons. I'm sure the feeling is mutual! Its abit crap on dh though and not that open and honest by his parents. I would never do that to ds and I'm seeing it from that perspective. Families..... :)

Very odd. My parents have very very little to give away but if they ever do it is shared equally between all my brothers and sisters. They even have a note book documenting all the spends on grand children so that they can be fair. My IL's are different. They give money/support to some kids an not others (us). I just accept it really and see that they have issues. They act like tantrumming toddlers most of the time!

Just forget it, it's probably for a very personal reason. I think you are jealous.

It doesn't sound THAT strange to me, parents like helping their children, and I agree maybe there are some other factors that made them want to help her in this way.

If it's not bothering your DH, then you need to stop worrying about it.

it's nothing to do with you but why on earth did she tell your dh about it??

i know if this happened in our family feathers would be ruffled

but if you didn't know about it what would be the harm!

weird she had to blab about it

blardy hell i would be jealous!

Not jealous, wouldn't change my life for her life, ever. My ds was very ill when he was born and nearly died. no money in the world is as important as that. I have always worked for what I have and I take pride in that so its not about the money, its the honesty side of things from the ils im uncomfortable with.

I would be upset if my parents gave that sort of money to DB without telling me, we are really close and it would be odd.

They help either of us out if we have ever needed it and of course don't give the other sibling a matching amount each time to keep it fair but that is a lot of money.

I would only assume they have left £75k more to your DH in their will as SIL must have needed it now for one reason or another.

Well since she is single and you and DH are married, maybe they worry more about her. Perhaps the ILs assume that you have two decent wages coming in (and have each other) and she is on her own.

I'm not saying they're right, they're probably just worried about her.

I would be dying to ask though, in your shoes OP!

My grandparents give a lot of money to my aunt (they bought her old house so she could move into her new one which my dad built and only charged her the minimum amount for). My dad inherited the family business and has a lot more income than my aunt...but then again he does have a much more stressful job. Not sure why they give my aunt so much money, possibly because she doesn't have a stake in the business?

I guess there's not really much you can do about it so it's best to just forget about it.

Hang on - where does the ils honesty come in to it? They aren't obligated to tell you or dh everything. They can in fact do whatever the hell they like with their money. I think you are seeing problems here where none have to exist.

I don't think yabu

A very similar thing happened in my family.

At the time I was fine about it and thought oh good for them helping out X, as time went on I thought/felt actually WTAF.

I hope that I will NEVER treat my children in such unequal ways or if needs really must for an individual child I will explain myself to my other children.

Youoldslag-very tempted to casually bring it up in conversation just to see what happens really. Adds abit of drama to Sunday lunch perhaps? Sil may get timeout though for telling (sorry couldn't resist)

I would guess that they've looked at their financial position and want to pass some equity on now so their daughter won't have to pay inheritance tax (assuming they live another 7 years).

It's not unusual. And if the family have a good relationship with both children I would guess that your DH will be given a similar amount.

On balance, yabu. Your IL's feel as protective and loving towards their daughter (I expect) as you do about your child. If they can afford to, why wouldn't they pass some equity on?!

Perhaps it's for fertility treatment

I would definitely have to ask about it adn can't believe your DH isn't bothered! Even if you are comfortable surely this sort of money would help anyone out.

OP- I dare you but you must come back and update us! it could be an awkward lunchtime drama!

My parents are given us a large lump sum later this year. It's a way of avoiding inheritance tax. If your ils stay alive for 7 years after the gift, it's different re. taxes (still have to pay it, but not as much as inheritance, I think).