To put my foot down about this party at 39 weeks pg?

[Antianniversary]

Have name changed for this for obvious reasons. My PIL have their 40th wedding anniversary near my due date with DC3 and apparently they were planning a big family party at their home to celebrate until my a relative pointed out that I will be 38 weeks pregnant and probably wouldn?t want to travel a four hour car journey each way away from my home to their party at that time.

So PIL decided to have the party where we live (the only relatives who live in this area). They have booked a hotel near to our house for 15 friends/relatives and turned it into a three day anniversary weekend. The guests have all been invited now and have accepted. Their plan is for various sightseeing/restaurants etc for the first two days on the third evening have a get together at my house.

The first that DH or I hear about any of this is last night?s phone call, where PIL explain this as a done deal (everyone is coming!!) and go on about what a massive favour they are doing me by having it here. DH and I are apparently expected to join in the for the three days. Also expected to sort things out and organise restaurants and tickets (as they know we will want to help out and we know the area) and apparently it is no hassle having everyone over to mine as its informal.

DH did say that it was absolutely not on without asking us and particularly so near my due date and that we couldn?t agree to all of it and was met with surprise and waterworks about ruining their anniversary as they have rearranged all their plans to suit me and hotel for 15 people is all booked and paid for and the least we can do is go along with it.

I like my PIL and am happy to celebrate their anniversary with them and happy to help, but the thought of this descending on me so late in my pregnancy is exhausting. Am also fuming that this is apparently for my benefit, when they didn?t bother to discuss it with us beforehand (quite frankly would have preferred 8 hours in the car)or DH could have gone with DS1 and DS2 while I stayed at home.

AIBU to put my foot down and refuse to host the party at my house and limit which bits of the weekend I attend. I will be shattered by then wont I, if not going into labour?

they actually arranged this without mentioning it to you??

YANBU at all, put your foot down. HARD

Go along with it, then take to your bed at the final hour, all Victorian swooning lady like.

I cannot beleive they did this to you! YANBU at all!

It hasn't occurred to them that you might be in hospital? !!!

Did it occur to them that at 37 weeks you will be full term and that DC3 could put in an appearance at any time during their weekend? Or is it so informal that you should just blow up a birthing pool in the living room during the party and get on with it?

forgot to say YANBU

I wouldn't have the conversation myself either, get your DH to do it all.

throw a bucket of water on the floor during the party and go....'oooh my waters just broke' [grin

Humphrey, the conversation was started with "We have got a lovely surprise for you and anti"

My nightmare would be an early baby and then every relative under the sun demanding a visit.

cheeky feckers

OK I'll be honest I think it sounds quite nice. You would really prefer 8 hours driving with two children heavily pregnant to making possibly 4 phone calls about tickets and having a few people to drinks?

Just have no compunction at retiring on a regular basis while the huge number of handy relatives entertain your DC.

And let your dh do the phoning and organising.

I go with what anightsky said!!

All swoony at the last moment, perhaps 40 mins before guests are due at your house

YES - say you are planning a home birth and the pool will be up from 37 weeks in case it is needed. No room for fifteen people.

pmsl @ blowing up the birthing pool and getting on with it!

God! Some people are just amazing. They went to all the effort of booking hotels and inviting people but conveniently forgot to mention it to you and your DH?!

At least they're not wanting to stay at your house! Can you suggest that you all go on a special meal out instead of having a party at your house? They could organise a cake or whatever. You could go for a bit but if you started feeling too sleepy (or too..err...in labour?!) you could go home whenever you needed to and not have to deal with a load of guests? Your DH could take your other two children out with his parents to let you rest as well. I don't think anyone should be expecting you to prance around town when you're just about to have a baby. Possibly try to help them arrange events they could attend which didn't require you to be there/are something you can't do.

shocker!

Definitely YANBU to not host party at your house, what were they thinking imposing that on you when you are about to have a baby any minute?!!

Just say NO WAY. DH can go to the other things, you go to what you feel up to and NO MORE!

ffs am still at that level of thoughtlessness

YADNBU

DH works away from home in the week and is trying to get all this overseas trips this year out of the way before the new baby, so he wont be here to do the organising (and he always leaves that stuff to me).

PIL "dont do grandchildren" so no help there.

oh dear.
it sounds like they thought they were being really thoughtful, but haven't actually thought about it much at all.

i don't think it would be unreasonable to say that you don't want to necessarily join in with everything. but they've tried to make it easier for you to celebrate with them, and i think that's got to be worth something surely?

I don't think YABU, but I think this is probably just sheer thoughtlessness on their part. They probably are very hurt as they feel that they have done you this massive favour in moving their plans to you so you can attend, and you are not happy about it. And I can understand that. They sound like they just didn't think this through properly.

I think you ought to say no to anything taking place at your house, and say you will attend the bits you feel okay to do. You may find you cope perfectly well with it all.

Honestly, it seems like they are very well meaning people who are a bit thoughtless rather than horrible.

Fine for them to have the party in your area, but NOT fine for them to have any part of the procedings at your house. Put your foot down hard on that one, but do book the restaurant and tickets for them, that's not too hard. And make it clear you'll do your best to be there for the restaurant meal but won't be joining all the rest of the festivities. I had to go to my sister's wedding at only 34 weeks and I found that completely exhausting - there is no way you'll manage 3 days worth of activity even if Junior does stay inside till the parties are over.

Yes as I said I do like PIL, but they are very wrapped up in themselves and not particularly interested in their children or grandchildren, so I think they havent thought this through and got carried away with their exciting anniversary in London.

Heads, some people do cope with this level of activity at that stage of pregnancy. It's not an absolute.

Yanbu

Tell them you will let them in to prepare the house for the party, will receive any food and booze deliveries for them but you wont be lugging them about, oh and "Will you be doing the clearing up yourselves or will you get a cleaning company in?"

If they want a party at your house, let them, but dont lift a single finger to help. Your MW insisting you must rest due to .....something, anything, will be your best excuse!