To put my foot down about this party at 39 weeks pg?

[Antianniversary]

Have name changed for this for obvious reasons. My PIL have their 40th wedding anniversary near my due date with DC3 and apparently they were planning a big family party at their home to celebrate until my a relative pointed out that I will be 38 weeks pregnant and probably wouldn?t want to travel a four hour car journey each way away from my home to their party at that time.

So PIL decided to have the party where we live (the only relatives who live in this area). They have booked a hotel near to our house for 15 friends/relatives and turned it into a three day anniversary weekend. The guests have all been invited now and have accepted. Their plan is for various sightseeing/restaurants etc for the first two days on the third evening have a get together at my house.

The first that DH or I hear about any of this is last night?s phone call, where PIL explain this as a done deal (everyone is coming!!) and go on about what a massive favour they are doing me by having it here. DH and I are apparently expected to join in the for the three days. Also expected to sort things out and organise restaurants and tickets (as they know we will want to help out and we know the area) and apparently it is no hassle having everyone over to mine as its informal.

DH did say that it was absolutely not on without asking us and particularly so near my due date and that we couldn?t agree to all of it and was met with surprise and waterworks about ruining their anniversary as they have rearranged all their plans to suit me and hotel for 15 people is all booked and paid for and the least we can do is go along with it.

I like my PIL and am happy to celebrate their anniversary with them and happy to help, but the thought of this descending on me so late in my pregnancy is exhausting. Am also fuming that this is apparently for my benefit, when they didn?t bother to discuss it with us beforehand (quite frankly would have preferred 8 hours in the car)or DH could have gone with DS1 and DS2 while I stayed at home.

AIBU to put my foot down and refuse to host the party at my house and limit which bits of the weekend I attend. I will be shattered by then wont I, if not going into labour?

Right so FIL heard the entire conversation - good

You and DH (and your lovely family) can sit back and relax and know you have done nothing wrong

Of course YANBU, you might be giving birth! They were so foolish and thoughtless to have done this and have no one to blame but themselves really. Refuse to host the party at your house - for how can you if you go into labour? - and only join in with what you feel able to.

Oops, sorry, somehow I missed the post about your SM's comments.

You must NOT cave in, especially now. (and presumably you don't need to anyway, if you've been disinvited.)

I think it's up to your DH if he wants to talk to his father or SM about it. You need to focus on not being stressed and on looking forward to your new baby.

You and DH have done nothing wrong and it sounds as though DH handled the situation very well. It's your SM who is bats and thoroughly vile. What disgusting comments. I don't know how she can call herself a Christian.

Fuck her and her views and her will.

Wow!

I was in this EXACT situation - it was even the PILs' 40th anniversary too AND I was 38 weeks!

When we said that we couldn't make the trip so close to the due date they changed the venue to a hotel near our house (but told us first). There was no pressure for us to stay - we went to the party, turned up for breakfast the morning after the party and went out for the day with the family. At no point did anyone come anywhere near our house!

And the crucial difference - I was expected to do NOTHING!!! I can't believe what these people are putting on you!

TBH I think your DH needs to step up to the plate here - either tell them no or take all the planning etc. off your hands and let you forget all about it. Hope it all goes OK!

Oh my god, I've just read through your other posts and am absolutely gobsmacked by your MIL. What horrible, selfish and disgusting things to have said! I'm glad you're not folding, giving into her will just tell her that what she's said is acceptable and that it's up to you to build the bridges. Of all the MIL threads I've read on here what yours has just said does strike me as one of the more disgusting and selfish.

What horrible people! Don't let this unfortunate business distract you from a very happy time in your life.

I wouldn't say that I have ever particularly warmed to her before now, she is a bit of a drama queen and sometimes I have felt her interest in DH and our family is all for show in front of other. She is a bit bonkers. However, I have always been able to get on with her ok, able to spend a perfectly pleasant weekend down at their house. I suppose we only see them a couple of times a year normally and are never invited for Christmas, so it hasn't been an issue.

The poisonous old witch. Thank your lucky stars you don't have to see her again because I wouldn't trust her not to tell the DC when they are older that they aren't her proper grandchildren and upset them. At least you don't see them at Christmas which must be wonderful.

Let the dust settle before DH speaks to his dad, but respect his wishes if he chooses not to. All this is the PIL's fault and you don't need this right now. Look forward to the birth and keep your blood pressure down.

Wow. I'd thank God (if I believed in one) that my DH and DC share no DNA with that nasty piece of work.

Please don't cave. You and your DH have said no to hosting appropriatly and politely.

She doesn't understand what is is like to be heavily pregnant or have a small baby. Hopefully when she explains to everyone why you aren't hosting, they will have more common sense and fully understand that at 38 weeks it's too tricky. Hopefully she will realise the error of her ways.

I'd be interested to know what your FIL thought about all this? Does he realise what a silly thing he has arranged? Why is FIL not considering yours and DH's needs at such a tricky time?

Don't do anything. You are heavily pregnant and should only be resting and preparing for the birth and spending nice time with your kids.

Your DH was amazing and has your back give him a hug (if you can reach).

Leave the decision to him. Now is the time for you to have his back and support him if he decides to talk to this woman again or not.

For what it's worth OP (hopefully won't need to be worth anything as youcan brush her spiteful comment off) I'm a Catholic, born and raised by Catholics, spent my life surrounded by them, and I've never heard anyone comment negatively about IVF.