To think that I should call Social Services

[Hamsteritis]

Long story...

I have an on/off friend (i'll explain that later) with six DC, five at home. She recently decided to start speaking to me again and i'm worried about her and her family.

She was blatently not coping so i went round to offer help, to take the children off her hands for the day etc etc. Genuinely trying to be helpful.

Oh my god!! Her home is filty, think the kind of place that Kim and Aggie wouldn't touch, there's literally NO visible floor, it's all covered in compacted 'stuff', the kitchen's filty, mouldy bowls of unidentifyable food everywhere, all surfaces covered in mountains of stuff, small 'walkway' through to the other side of the kitchen to a pile of crisps and chocolate bars on the floor that seem to be the only fresh food in the house. Front room, hallways and bathroom the same state.

The poor DC were thick with grime, two of the late teen sons who seem to have some kind of learning difficulties are very very thin and all their teeth are rotten. Her DH was passed out in a chair stinking of alcohol (He's always been a drinker, last time we spoke she was divorcing him).

Anyway you get the picture. She comes home, i'm a little stunned, blurt out 'what the hell' (i know - not helpful). She goes apeshit, apparently - it's not her fault, the council should have rehomed her (she's not on council), i have no right coming to her house etc etc finished off with WHY SHOULD I. Everyone's fault but hers. I scurried away rather intimidated.

I've spoken to my DH and some of the mum's at the school that her youngest DD attends she's been offered help, soo much, from so many different people. Her older DD who moved away years ago has been seen a few times chucking out multiple sacks of 'stuff' the whole while being screamed at and apparently doesn't come anymore.

I just don't know what to do for the best. It's not a safe environment for children and vulnerable adults to live in but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away. Not sure what'll happen to her older sons as they certainly don't seem capable of being self sufficient.

Can you help people who simply won't accept it or sould I just accept things have gone too far and report the family? I don't want to make things worse (although i'm not sure that's possible).

I'd call them. It's no way for children to live.

Honestly, I'd report it, if you are not comfortable with going straight to SS then start with the head teacher at the school.

I would call them

And I would go back and tell her j have called them, and why. And offer more support. Time to get tough.

If you have concerns, I think you have to follow your conscience.

A phone call to SW re child protection/neglect will not bring a SWAT team in by helicopter, but should mean that professionals will assess the situation.

And you can do in anonymously.

You may feel bad 'grassing up' your friend but you'd feel worse with that nagging sense on unease inside.

It sounds awful - from what you've said, I'd def phone

Very difficult situation. I wish ss wasn't such an extreme.

She probably knows the state she's in, and probably feels bad enough about it anyway. Is there anyone else close to her who can talk to her/help her rather than social services? I'd call them as a last resort, though not sure how long I'd leave it (not much longer).

Call ss. The childrens needs must come first. Those poor children living like that.

Make the call. Let SS worry about whether or not it's a neglect/ protection issue.

I don't think there is anyone Phyllis

I'm going to have to do it aren't I

Yes you must, those children have the right to be safe and cared for. SS will try very hard to get the parents up to scratch but if they can't- well the children should come first.

my mate has had her kids put on at risk reg cos of the house and hers sounds like a palace compared to what you say! i would report :(

Social Services are not the child catchers from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The family obviously need help and SS can provide that help. It's only if the parents refuse to listen to SS will care proceedings be considered.

Please call Social Services.

but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away

As that cannot be regarded as a certainty, it should not be a consideration when making a decision to contact your friend's local authority's children's services department.

The conditions in her home, and what would seem to be the physical neglect of her dc, may have arisen because she's dispirited, depressed, or struggles to cope with the demands of 5 dc, 2 of whom would seem to be SN, and an alcoholic dh.

SS are unlikely to make harsh judgements or remove the children without giving her the opportunity and the support to bring about positive change for herself and her dc.

Yes, Ham, you are going to have to bite the bullet and do it because it very much sounds as if you're the only one who's willing to go the extra mile for those dc by making the call.

You need to make the call it's a no brainer. SS may start a CAF with the family, it's very unlikely they'll swoop in and remove the children unless hey are deemed to be at risk of significant harm, but should try to work with the family to improve things. But you need to make that call and you need to do it now.

Yes without a doubt you should call them. Calling SSD doesn't mean the children will be taken away, they would assess the situation and see what they can do to help to improve things first. But regardless of the final outcome it is unfair to let children and vulnerable people live in that environment. You need to call them, they have access to funding and services that may help.

After you've made the call, there'll be nothing to reproach yourself with as you haven't acted with any malicious intent; you will have acted in the best interests of your friend's dc and will be able to sleep soundly.

A huge YES from me here OP. Poor mites. If the mother isn't coping for whatever reason and theyre living in the conditions you've described, it really must be done and now.

Thanks Izzy . I've never had anything to do with SWs before and I guess I just assumed they wouldn't leave children in a dangerous environment, the fire risk alone is awful. Not necessarily take them away for good, sorry if it came across like that.

I was thinking depression when i first went round to help. That's partially why i think this could make things worse.

I'm going to call the NSPCC number once the DC have gone to bed. Don't want then chattering about it at school!

I'd say something to the right people. If others are aware of the problems your 'friend' need never know it was you who called unless you decide to tell her and perhaps if she gets things back on track as a result, she may thank you for it.

And thanks everyone else too - you all type faster than me

I would call SS, they won't just turn up and whip the children away. They'll do an initial assessment and give support, possibly encouragement to visit the doctor as it sounds like she's suffering from depression/low energy and motivation etc.

Be prepared for possible repercussions though, she probably manages to avoid visitors or keep them at the door so if your one of the few to get inside recently she may well know who has called. She doesn't sound too pleasant when challenged about her lifestyle so do be careful.

I think you must phone SS, and you are doing it for the right reason.

You've mentioned the fire risk - if they were to do home fire safety check on the property they would have to report her to SS.

You could even call them, or enviromental health.

I hope your friend gets help.

I wouldn't hesitate to call SS in these circumstances.

Definitely call, Hamsteritis, you are doing the right thing